yanx84 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I met this girl on a dating site two months ago and we decided to meet up a couple weeks ago. We went on two dates so far and I honestly feel like I knew I wanted to marry this girl from the first day I met her. I know that may sound drastic to some people, but I have NEVER felt this way about anyone. I want to tell her I want to be exclusive but I'm nervous if it's too soon for her. Our first date (after never meeting each other) was 5 hours long.. our second date was 9 hours long, and now we're spending the day with each other at 6 flags next week. I know she like me too, so should I just ask her to be my GF already?
RedRussian8080 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Forget how long dates are, you know how long my father was married before he got divorced....18 years. ok? time means nothing.
Author yanx84 Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 (edited) okay I understand that... however.. I've never had a connection with a girl like this in my life, which is about 10 years of dating. We literally see eye to eye on everything and I'm just saying that I don't want to pretend like I'm sorta into her. We both want the same life styles and things for our future as well. I'm not saying I'm going to tell her I want to marry her, but I want her to know that I'm not interested in anyone else. And wait for her to ask? What kind of man would I be to let her ask? That is the guys job. Like on the last date we got matching bears with scarves and gave them names and all. She said "this is probably the cutest thing I've done in a really long time." Is that a hint? Edited July 1, 2011 by yanx84
RedRussian8080 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 If you want to know for sure if she is in to you you WAIT and be PATIENT! You don't owe her anything and you don't have a "JOB" to do in some womens world. Besides it is too soon anyway!
Author yanx84 Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 I appreciate your advice russian and I'm not saying I owe her anything or it's my job. However, if you look through some of the threads on this site you will see majority of girls saying that they play the care free dating girl until the guy raises the question. And if things are obviously going really well but he doesn't bring the exclusive talk up, then they express their unhappiness with this and wonder does he really like me. I'm just saying it can be really confusing..
HopelessR Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 If Date 3 goes well at the end you could ask, or at least I would if I were you.
RedRussian8080 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 don' trust a guy with the name "hopelessR" just wait one more month at least and don't let her dictate what you do and want to be happy. Don't be pushed bro just stay still for a wile.
HopelessR Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 don' trust a guy with the name "hopelessR" just wait one more month at least and don't let her dictate what you do and want to be happy. Don't be pushed bro just stay still for a wile. I'm a girl And I pretty much know if I'd want to be with a guy exclusively after dates 2/3 so I would not mind that question being brought up - and I usually only date one person at a time anyway. I think it depends on how this girl 'dates' and appears to be with the OP.
Author yanx84 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Posted July 2, 2011 (edited) finally thoughts from a woman. thank you! i honestly don't like to date more than one person at once. i usually know after the first date anyway. it doesn't make sense to me to leave yourself open to other possibilites if all you can think about is her. and about the time thing russian.. i went on a date a few months ago and I was itching to get out of there after 50 minutes, so shouldn't the fact that the first meeting with a girl lasted 5 hours mean something? Edited July 2, 2011 by yanx84
TheyCallMeBruce Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 I understand both sides of this. Those of you who followed my ridiculous nonsense saga in "Too Much, Too Soon" and "Addicted to a Person" know that I am quite familiar with the phenomenon of falling head over heels for a girl immediately upon meeting her. However, if you want things to work, you need to do everything in your power to suppress that. I know you feel like you're different, but really, you're not. You need to give her time to fall for you, or it won't happen. Since the crash and burn with the girl I fell for, I've basically gone out with two girls. The first one got really clingy and I got weirded out and ended it. Yes, I ended it because she liked me too much. The second one has been going well, but last night she told me she wanted to be exclusive, and I was a little put off. I don't know what's going to happen there, and I do like the girl, but I'm not ready for an exclusive relationship. She wasn't thrilled when I told her that, so we'll see what happens down the road, but I would have preferred that she not said that, and we just continued to see each other casually until I felt ready for us to move on from there. If she wants to be exclusive, she will be. You need to give her time to want that. I know that sounds really hard, but two dates in is too soon, and you're probably going to make her want to take a step back if you ask that.
Author yanx84 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Posted July 2, 2011 I appreciate the advice the guys have given me on this but until a girl tells me NOT to do it, I'm having a hard time holding back on expressing my feelings. So far two guys have told me NOT to and two girls have told me to DO so. Seeing as 99.9% of girls are completely confused by guys when it comes to dating, why would I listen to any guy at this point? sorry no offense, just saying.
bluenightowl Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 I appreciate the advice the guys have given me on this but until a girl tells me NOT to do it, I'm having a hard time holding back on expressing my feelings. So far two guys have told me NOT to and two girls have told me to DO so. Seeing as 99.9% of girls are completely confused by guys when it comes to dating, why would I listen to any guy at this point? sorry no offense, just saying. so what happened? what did you decide in the end?
linwood Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Two dates and you want to push for exclusivity? That`s gonna look pretty desperate.
delilah123 Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 eh as an attractive easy going girl who doesn't have an issue getting dates (ie not desperate myself) I wouldn't be put off AT ALL by guy asking for exclusivity on the 3rd date. How on earth is it desperate to not want the girl you are seeing to be seeing other guys. It's a compliment and frankly I wouldn't want to waste my time with a guy if after hanging out with me several times STILL wasn't sure if "there was something better out there" (to clarfiy.. if he just didn't ask, i'd still see him for a while... but if i asked, and he said no to exclusitiy 'just for now', i'd be very very wary) My last boyfriend told me he wasn't seeing anyone else after he asked me out for our first date! I asked if he was stil seeing some chick nd he said "god no, why would I tell you I was interested and keep ****ing someone else". Good answer.
bluenightowl Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 eh as an attractive easy going girl who doesn't have an issue getting dates (ie not desperate myself) I wouldn't be put off AT ALL by guy asking for exclusivity on the 3rd date. How on earth is it desperate to not want the girl you are seeing to be seeing other guys. It's a compliment and frankly I wouldn't want to waste my time with a guy if after hanging out with me several times STILL wasn't sure if "there was something better out there" (to clarfiy.. if he just didn't ask, i'd still see him for a while... but if i asked, and he said no to exclusitiy 'just for now', i'd be very very wary) My last boyfriend told me he wasn't seeing anyone else after he asked me out for our first date! I asked if he was stil seeing some chick nd he said "god no, why would I tell you I was interested and keep ****ing someone else". Good answer. These messages show how different everyone is. I have the sense that confident people don't mind as much when the discussion takes place or are freaked out by someone bringing it up. I think people just out of a LTR will feel uncertain and might even pull back. Many people believe it takes quite a while to get to know someone and like to feel free to continue to date until they are fairly certain they just want to date one person. Sex adds another dimension of intensity that is probably just as complicated, but I doubt most people who are not exclusive and dating many people are also ****ing someone else if they are looking for a LTR.
mortensorchid Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 If you feel it for her, there is no reason why you should not at least hint at the fact that you would like to be exclusive. All she can do is say no or she's not ready just yet. You obviously enjoy each other's company, she would not have stayed out for such an extended period of time as you have already said you did on your first two encounters. And a trip to an amusement park is also a big day. So go for it if you haven't already.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 I appreciate your advice russian and I'm not saying I owe her anything or it's my job. However, if you look through some of the threads on this site you will see majority of girls saying that they play the care free dating girl until the guy raises the question. And if things are obviously going really well but he doesn't bring the exclusive talk up, then they express their unhappiness with this and wonder does he really like me. I'm just saying it can be really confusing.. Yes. On one hand, asking after two dates is REALLY fast. On the other hand, if she likes you a lot, she probably won't care. I have some female friends who are more skittish and commitment phobic who would probably be very turned off by this. They demand mystery, space, and so on, and if the guy comes on too strong up front, they get bored and usually break it off. I'm more desiring of stability, security, and a real bond, so if I really liked the guy, it would not turn me off. If I liked him at all, the worst that would happen is I would say I wanted to go on a few more dates and see before making that commitment. I say do what you think is best.
olivec Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 It really all depends i was with my ex for 6 months and she still wasnt ready for anything serious so you really cant tell sometimes as everybody is different. Hopefully everything worked out for this guy.
sm1tten Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 I've had this happen to me three times in a row - twice with men I met online, once with a guy I met offline. The first (online) it lasted two years. The next two lasted a month to month and a half. In none of these cases was I put off by the request, because I was really feeling these guys, but it really depends on the other person and how they feel. Just understand that at that point in the relationship, it's still very new; you're still getting to know each other, and it still might fall through. Being exclusive doesn't mean that you've got **** on lockdown; you still need to work on it. Since this thread was dead for a good month and the poster doesn't appear to have returned, I'm hoping it's because he is off enjoying his relationship.
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