elizabeth26 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 This post is mostly to gain insight from those of you out there who have gone through a similar experience and are, hopefully, on the path to regaining your self-worth. I have gone through the wringer as far as emotional highs and lows but lately I have been feeling pretty good. I feel like my life has changed for the better and I am emotionally healthy. There are still pangs of insecurity leftover though, and although I am doing better at coping I really wish I could get rid of the residual emotional garbage. My ex and I broke up over a year ago. He broke up with me after 7+ years of dating, he was my high school sweetheart. We had always been very frank with each other, a trademark of my personality. Well, towards the end he acted strangely saying I was not "playful" like I used to be. He eventually began distancing himself from me. He was never available when I asked if he wanted to do things and basically treated me horridly, mostly by ignoring or criticizing me. Finally I got fed up and called him on it and he broke up with me on the spot, oddly, he was balling when he did it. Part of me thinks he was trying to get me to just break up with him. Well, few weeks passed and turns out he's dating a mutual friend's little sister. He cried and said he, "feels terrible, but she makes him happy". She is also his friend's ex, he asked his friend permission to date her. I freaked and called her brother who was PISSED, he is still like a brother to me. This put me through an emotional blender. I still have worries and doubts and wonder what ways things could have been different. Even though I am dating a very wonderful guy, who I adore! It's hard not to compare when my boyfriend tries so hard to be good to me. My ex was pretty concerned with his own wants and needs at the end, but he was very close with me for many years. I take responsibility for being too convenient at doing things for my ex. I know there were times when I was a jerk, but overall I really did try to have a good relationship. Some of the really cruel things my ex did were the ways he criticized how I dressed and seemed to never want me to cut my hair. I feel like I was objectified. This is stupid I know, I should have broken up with him. I did things like cut my hair anyway and I always dressed the way I wanted, but I still feel like crap about how I look and what my guy thinks about me. Why in the hell do I do this? How have others out there battled this 'not good looking enough' feeling? I hate that I even feel this way. I feel that I can do things like whitening my teeth and working to repair skin damage, which I obsess over. I think these things make me feel good about MYSELF. But, even now when I think about cutting my hair I feel so crappy and think of what he said to me. It's not him that makes me feel bad as much as the effect of his critique of me. It's a ****ty deal.
Author elizabeth26 Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 It always makes me laugh how 4oo people view yet, only3 or 4 people comment, don't be scared!
wilsonx Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 7 years is a long time for highschool romance. He wants to get out and explore more. You should too...
Author elizabeth26 Posted July 3, 2011 Author Posted July 3, 2011 I wasn't hurt as much by the breakup. 7 years is a long time, but where I come from relationships last, I live out in the country. We were always good friends. It's the way he acted at the end and what he did that got to me. It was really hard to take and made me feel like everyone else must have known, except me. How do you treat a person like that?
JR2315 Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 hey elizabeth, Im really sorry to hear about what youre going through. well first of all this guy you talk about doesnt seem to be the right one for you. Dont you want someone who is willing to accept the way you dress or look? 7 years is definitely a long time so i suggest you grow as a person first before jumping into another relationship. As for feeling betrayed, dont dwell to much into it. Forgive him and move on because i think there is someone out there who can make you realize what youre really worth. In the end it will be ultimately his loss, he's the one missing out on all the things you can offer him. The anger phase is normal, dont be afraid of finding a means of venting. Post your thoughts and feelings here, workout, or use a punching bag lol. I'm glad to here youre not to heartbroken about the breakup, so youre at a very good position at this point in time. Be strong! Someday you will find someone who'll think you look smoking hot with your hair all messy while you wear sweat pants and an oversized shirt
Author elizabeth26 Posted July 17, 2011 Author Posted July 17, 2011 Thanks JR2315, I do think you are absolutely right. He was not good for me, he would be my best friend but he wanted me to keep myself up for him to have on his arm. I realize now how stupid I was for allowing that to continue. This site is a great place to vent and get out the **** from my past that is holding me back.
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