An apology: from fetish

[restricted]

Dear Loveshack,

 

This is actually forum member: fetish.

 

On early Sunday morning June 26, aprox 8:00a , my loveshack account was pranked as there was a thread started under my username: "fetish", saying i was wanting to kill myself. I wanted to clear the air and explain that although it was started under my user name, it was not started by "me". The last post made by "me" was in this thread, post # 27 just moments before. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3476828#post3476828. Now after reading that last post, does that really sound like a guy who was really ready to give up and thinking of ending his own life?

 

I made the mistake of leaving my loveshack account up at my workstation after posting that last message while at work. I work at a homeless youth shelter on weekends and got called to unlock one of the resident's rooms. However, i failed to completely log out of my loveshack accoun before i leftt and someone, probably a resident thought it would be funny to make a "prank" post under my username suggesting i was planning on killing myself.

 

I was alerted to this phony post when i returned to my computer station, i accessed loveshack to find a personal message popped up saying" It's not worth your life, don't kill yourself. By the time i discovered that thread was started, i attempted to reply to it saying that it was a "fake post", but then i was immediately redirected to another page saying my account was restricted from the forum , reason being : threat of suicide.

 

What bothers me is, i've sent several messages to loveshack administration staff explaining the situation and have yet to receive a reply back and my account still remains restricted. While i am to blame for not logging out of the site, i am perplexed as to how fast my account was suspended within that 15 min time frame while i was away from my station, and here it is 5 days later, and i haven't heard any update.

 

I am a long standing member on loveshack and while true that i was heartbroken over my break up, i always remained positive and even tried to use my experience to help other members on this forum. I view suicide as something for cowards and losers, and is not joking matter. Even if i was to consider suicide, whiich i'm not, i wouldn't let anyone know, much less an internet forum where no one knows me anyway. What would be the point?

 

Anyway, in closing. I realize, i'm probably breaking the rules by creating this new account, but i've pratically begged loveshack admin to restore my account so i could clear up this matter as i don't want my repuation on loveshack damaged. I apologize for allowing this to have happened. Please realize this was an honest mistake. The sad thing is that there really probably people on here who have considered suicide and seeing a forum member wanting to give up on their life could be a detriment. For anyone who's interacted with me on this forum, i respectfully ask to be a character witness and hopefully can convince lovehack administration to allow me back on the forum. Thank you

 

Much respect,

 

fetish

membership from 2006-2011

Edited July 1, 2011 by restricted

[Graceful]

Fetish,

 

Count me as someone who was absolutely confused when I saw that message, and sick all day long in the pit of my stomach hoping and praying that you would get help and not harm yourself.

 

I saw the message and could not believe my eyes. I immediately went to the PM system and wrote you a PM and was even more shocked to get an error message and thought maybe your PM box was already full with messages. When I went back to the main board, your message was gone.

 

I honestly wasn't sure if I had been seeing things. I checked everything I could think of, and your message had just gone into thin air. I was so upset, all I could do was pray that b/c you had written to the board, maybe it was a cry for help.

 

It did not add up, of course, but then I thought, we don't really know each other here, and maybe you had pretended to be okay so you would not disappoint those of us who have tried to encourage you.

 

Nothing matters except you are okay, there was an explanation and you are back. Truly, that is all that matters.

 

I am so happy, thankful, overwhelmed, and relieved to see how that message came about, to know it was a prank (not by you), and that you have rectified the situation by returning and letting us know.

 

Hey, buddy, does this mean I can still give you a hard time, because it seems like you're on to me now, and I have to up the ante.

 

So happy to see you, I cannot even tell you how happy.

Sending love. Take care. Graceful

[RedRussian8080]

I think it is not him but someone else and he is away if you know what I mean.

[restricted]

Fetish,

 

Count me as someone who was absolutely confused when I saw that message, and sick all day long in the pit of my stomach hoping and praying that you would get help and not harm yourself.

 

I saw the message and could not believe my eyes. I immediately went to the PM system and wrote you a PM and was even more shocked to get an error message and thought maybe your PM box was already full with messages. When I went back to the main board, your message was gone.

 

I honestly wasn't sure if I had been seeing things. I checked everything I could think of, and your message had just gone into thin air. I was so upset, all I could do was pray that b/c you had written to the board, maybe it was a cry for help.

 

It did not add up, of course, but then I thought, we don't really know each other here, and maybe you had pretended to be okay so you would not disappoint those of us who have tried to encourage you.

 

Nothing matters except you are okay, there was an explanation and you are back. Truly, that is all that matters.

 

I am so happy, thankful, overwhelmed, and relieved to see how that message came about, to know it was a prank (not by you), and that you have rectified the situation by returning and letting us know.

 

Hey, buddy, does this mean I can still give you a hard time, because it seems like you're on to me now, and I have to up the ante.

 

So happy to see you, I cannot even tell you how happy.

Sending love. Take care. Graceful

 

Graceful,

 

Yes you can give me a hard time, only if you can get them to restore my account . Just kidding.

 

Graceful. You can give me all the hard time you want. I always considered you a friend on here who always gave me sound advice, although didn't always candy coat. Thank you for replying and i'm thankful that you saw that it didn't add up.

 

I will probaably not be posting under this new account much more because if there is a chance that i can get my old "fetish" account restored, i don't want to mess it up with this second account.

 

I think it is not him but someone else and he is away if you know what I mean.

 

Funny! At least i hope you are joking. Because that's just plain ridiculous. But whether you take my word for it or not, i'm not on trial here and in the end, it's just the internet. I won't lose anything if you choose not to believe me.

 

fetish

Edited July 1, 2011 by restricted

[confused1989]

hey fetish, that really sucks that this has happened to you. I haven't been on this site much at all lately but like you have said you have used your experience to help a lot of others here on the forum including me who you have helped out a ton. I didn't see the message that you are talking about but I know it wouldn't have been you that wrote it. Anyway just wanted to drop a line as I was surprised to see this when I logged on here today, hope you get your account back soon as it would be a shame for LS to lose a quality poster.

[geegirl]

Well, speak of the devil! I was just thinking of you on my ride back home from work.

 

Oh, I didn't see that post! It would have surely alarmed me if I did but on the other hand, I would find it very hard to believe that you would do something like that to yourself. That would not be the fetish that was sounding so determined to move on and on his way to recovery.

 

I'm glad to hear you are ok buddy. I assumed that your silence was you moving on and I even wondered if you met someone and was having a jolly ole' time!

 

I hope they give you back your old account. Your story has been exemplary to others. Who I gotta see to get you back on here (while rolling sleeves up)!

[restricted]

thanks for all the support everyone.

 

confused1989. how you been doing buddy? Thanks for replying and believing me on this man. Has your ex tried contacting you lately? It should be coming up or time for her to come back in to town by now huh?

 

geegirl. glad to see you my friend. I'm actually thankful that loveshack removed that thread before it could discourage and scare too many more people on here. However, i'm dissatisfied by the way this was handled. My account was promptly restricted from the forum. I've sent a total of 3 messages to the staff explaining what happened and i haven't yet received a reply after 5 days. It sure didn't take long for my account to be suspended. It's been frustrating that i haven't been able to explain what happened after all this time. I really tried to hold out as long as i could and respect the rules of this forum by not creating a second account. But i have wanted to clear this matter up for a long time. And i think you can pm the loveshack admin under the "contact us" button if i'm not mistaken.

 

fetish

[geegirl]

Ok, done. I sent a note to them. I couldn't find the "contact us". Took me minutes until I scrolled down! Give it some time Fetish. I remember another poster having an issue and it took a bit for a response.

[restricted]

hey geegirl thanks alot.

 

And a answer to your question, i have been trying to move on but i still would plan on returning to loveshack, especially to help out others on here. The girl at my full time job i kind of have the hots for is the kind that likes to play cat n mouse (aka "hard to get"). While i got her number, she didn't answer when i called her and sometimes will not text back. We have had some text conversations though. I've been treading very slowly n carefully since she's someone who works in my building so i haven't really made a move yet. But anyone with common sense could tell i got a thing for her, and she probably senses it anyway.

 

And my ex is mad. She texted me saying that she's been doing all the reaching out for the last several months and she quits. I just ignore the text n keep on going.

 

If i get my account back, i'll update this in my journal.

Edited July 2, 2011 by restricted

[shadowofman]

Great policy by the way LS. Ban people that need support the most.

[confused1989]

thanks for all the support everyone.

 

confused1989. how you been doing buddy? Thanks for replying and believing me on this man. Has your ex tried contacting you lately? It should be coming up or time for her to come back in to town by now huh?

 

geegirl. glad to see you my friend. I'm actually thankful that loveshack removed that thread before it could discourage and scare too many more people on here. However, i'm dissatisfied by the way this was handled. My account was promptly restricted from the forum. I've sent a total of 3 messages to the staff explaining what happened and i haven't yet received a reply after 5 days. It sure didn't take long for my account to be suspended. It's been frustrating that i haven't been able to explain what happened after all this time. I really tried to hold out as long as i could and respect the rules of this forum by not creating a second account. But i have wanted to clear this matter up for a long time. And i think you can pm the loveshack admin under the "contact us" button if i'm not mistaken.

 

fetish

 

hey fetish, things have been pretty well on this end. I've been working a lot and just trying to make the most out of my summer. As for my ex well I thought I had gotten rid of her but she will always throw a message out after a few weeks. I thought when I deleted her off FB that she'd be gone for good because of how she reacted with saucy comments, getting angry, and kind of looking down on me. She ended up texting me a few weeks after that and she asked me how I was doing, I told her i was doing well and enjoying my summer and she said she was doing "pretty good". That was all that was said as I responded in a way so that the conversation couldn't be carried on.

 

That was a few weeks ago and I haven't heard from her since and don't really care if I do or not. I saw some posts between her and her new man even though I had her deleted, so I had to take it a step further and block them both as even though it's been months now since we've broken up I still don't want to see hearts that she's been sending him and lovey messages that she sent him when she was in hawaii that I couldn't see at the time.

 

but as for you, yes I hope you still plan on returning because you've stuck with my situation ever since it happened and have a good memory for everything that's happened. Be good if you keep giving advice because like I said you've helped me a lot and gave me perspective.

 

and I have to agree with shadow and was thinking the same thing. Someone writes a message saying they have suicidal thoughts and then they get banned? Couldn't that make things even worse for that person if they already feel alone and are reaching out for support only for them to suffer another blow? Weird.

[geegirl]

Tread carefully with this girl, fetish. You really don't want to add drama into your life again. The hot and cold, push and pull is most times a red flag. Plus she works in your building and if anything should progress and she continues to be vague, it would be a difficult situation for you. Just be rational and realistic about things as you go along. Listen to your instincts and the moment you see or hear something you don't like, or doesn't sit well with you, take heed and protect yourself, ok. I'm switch off from "mom mode" now.

 

As for your ex, I'm so proud of you. You've come such a long way. There was a time when you questioned her every word and action and now you're able to IGNORE!!! Awesome!

[restricted]

well, hello all,

 

it's been 2 weeks since my account was restricted. i guess its safe to assume that loveshack admin isn't planning on restoring my account and not planning on replying to my messages. What good is this "contact us" option if you can't communicate with the moderators?

[KR10N]

Great policy by the way LS. Ban people that need support the most.

My thoughts exactly.

[restricted]

hey geegirl,

 

i was going to pm you but for some reason, its not giving me the option to pm others like it did under my fetish account, perhaps because i'm a new member.

 

Just curious. Have you heard anything back from the loveshack staff regarding the note you sent them on july 1st? i can't believe they're this slow on replying.

 

and shadowofman and KR10N, you're right. That is a lousy policy for lovesack to BAN members who need help the most. Even though my case was a false alarm, i hate to think that they would do that to someone who actually was thinking of killing themselves.

Edited July 14, 2011 by restricted

[geegirl]

Didn't get any response from them. It's funny how they're quick to ban but non-existent when you need them to respond.

 

How are you doing? Progress report due!

[TheHurtProcess]

I didn't see the message either. However, what I definitely don't understand is why the administration would lock you out if you were talking about committing suicide. I understand that talking about suicide may be against the forum guidelines. But, what if you had commited suicide shortly after as a result of not being able to get through to someone who could have talked you out of it? That's what worries me.

 

Another issue is that they could have possibly been held liable.

[restricted]

Didn't get any response from them. It's funny how they're quick to ban but non-existent when you need them to respond.

 

How are you doing? Progress report due!

 

Geegirll. Been doing pretty good thanks for asking. how about you? I just got back from New York and had a pretty good time. It was something that i was needing to do to get away. I woud update that journal but i'm trying not to piss off the loveshack admin by posting under this second account too much.

 

I still think about my ex everyday but its getting a little easier. She mentioned a few weeks back that she wanted to get back together, but i told her that I wanted to remain single. I like the freedom of looking out for me and not having to wonder what i'm not doing or doing to much of. I still struggle with feelings of guilt for not leting her back in my life after she tried to reconcile, but then i ask myself.. Is she really just wanting to try again because of her love for me or just to make things easier for herself?

 

I didn't see the message either. However, what I definitely don't understand is why the administration would lock you out if you were talking about committing suicide. I understand that talking about suicide may be against the forum guidelines. But, what if you had commited suicide shortly after as a result of not being able to get through to someone who could have talked you out of it? That's what worries me.

 

Another issue is that they could have possibly been held liable.

 

And i guess this is a sign telling me that my time on loveshack has come to an end. I've been a member for a while and it has always been therapuetic for me to chat with others who were dealing with similar issues and pain. Even through my breakup, I had great encouragement from members like geegirl, graceful, confused1989, jasonrules, depplover1980 (gone but not forgotten), RoseT, ohpenelope, and many more. It even made me feel good knowing that i was able to help others when i could.

 

But granted, even if loveshack could've been held liable for that bogus post. The problem was solved when they deleed the post alltogether. But promptly banning someone and not responding to their attempts at contacting them after they've given a reasonable explanation as to what happened is really what throws me. That's why i created this account, because I wanted my chance to explain what really happened.

 

fetish

Edited July 14, 2011 by restricted

[TheHurtProcess]

Geegirll. Been doing pretty good thanks for asking. how about you? I just got back from New York and had a pretty good time. It was something that i was needing to do to get away. I woud update that journal but i'm trying not to piss off the loveshack admin by posting under this second account too much.

 

I still think about my ex everyday but its getting a little easier. She mentioned a few weeks back that she wanted to get back together, but i told her that I wanted to remain single. I like the freedom of looking out for me and not having to wonder what i'm not doing or doing to much of. I still struggle with feelings of guilt for not leting her back in my life after she tried to reconcile, but then i ask myself.. Is she really just wanting to try again because of her love for me or just to make things easier for herself?

 

 

 

And i guess this is a sign telling me that my time on loveshack has come to an end. I've been a member for a while and it has always been therapuetic for me to chat with others who were dealing with similar issues and pain. Even through my breakup, I had great encouragement from members like geegirl, graceful, confused1989, jasonrules, depplover1980 (gone but not forgotten), RoseT, ohpenelope, and many more. It even made me feel good knowing that i was able to help others when i could.

 

But granted, even if loveshack could've been held liable for that bogus post. The problem was solved when they deleed the post alltogether. But promptly banning someone and not responding to their attempts at contacting them after they've given a reasonable explanation as to what happened is really what throws me. That's why i created this account, because I wanted my chance to explain what really happened.

 

fetish

 

Well, good luck my friend. I wish you the best if we don't happen to speak again.

[restricted]

Well, good luck my friend. I wish you the best if we don't happen to speak again.

 

good luck to you too man and thanks for replying and the support. I'll try to chime in on one of your threads before i write my final "goodbye" post.

[TheHurtProcess]

good luck to you too man and thanks for replying and the support. I'll try to chime in on one of your threads before i write my final "goodbye" post.

 

Thanks bro. I'd appreciate it. It really sucks to see someone who seems to have been a very positive influence on the board go. I would just create a new name, because it doesn't appear as if anyone is going to kick you this time around.

 

I wish I could have been around much earlier to help more people out. But then again, I didn't learn of this place until after my ex and I had broken up.

[geegirl]

Geegirll. Been doing pretty good thanks for asking. how about you? I just got back from New York and had a pretty good time. It was something that i was needing to do to get away. I woud update that journal but i'm trying not to piss off the loveshack admin by posting under this second account too much.

 

I still think about my ex everyday but its getting a little easier. She mentioned a few weeks back that she wanted to get back together, but i told her that I wanted to remain single. I like the freedom of looking out for me and not having to wonder what i'm not doing or doing to much of. I still struggle with feelings of guilt for not leting her back in my life after she tried to reconcile, but then i ask myself.. Is she really just wanting to try again because of her love for me or just to make things easier for herself?

 

It's a process. It will get easier and easier. But did you ever think that you would ever have it in you to tell her that you want to single? Remember the times when all you could think of is wanting her back and and wondering if she would come back? The tables have turned. Why would you feel guilty? It's time to put Fetish first and what is good and healthy for Fetish. She had her chance and she blew it. Don't ever feel guilty. You gave it all you could. If anything, she is the one who should be having bad feelings for how she treated you. There is only so much you can give and if someone abuses it, they don't deserve your love, care or consideration anymore.

 

Honestly, most likely she is just trying to reel you back in knowing she is losing control. Plus, even if she did love you, is she really healthy emotionally and mentally to give it a second shot? I bet she's not had one hour of counselling or even mentioned to you all they ways she wants to change and work on it. Just saying I want to get back together is not enough. You will probably be going back to the same issues that caused you two to break up in the first place.

 

Aside note, why don't you create another account? I don't want to see you go.

[Graceful]

I'm not up on the administrative end of things on LS by any means, but hearing your tale, fetish, is enlightening. It does not sound like you are doing anything wrong by creating another account, fetish, and IMHO, if you still want to keep in touch here, even if you post less often, there's no reason why you should not feel free to create one. Name it fetish2 or whatever. But I don't think you should feel forced out of LS, if you want to maintain a presence here.

 

It's just nice to have it in your hip pocket, you know? But of course, you need to do what's best for you. Just think it over. Please.

 

Glad you had a good vacation. The more you relax and remain open to new possibilities, the stronger you seem to be. So nice to see. Take care and don't go sayin' goodbye until you think it over.