samm84 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 (edited) UUGGHH what a complete mess. I keep hearing stories about break ups, but there aren't enough stories about the aftermath once you just long the whole thing out! My girlfriend of two years kissed another guy about a month ago, she was emotionally distant and emotionally cheating on me for a few months before hand as well. She didn't respect me and always put me last when anyone else made plans with her. We live across the road from each other, so naturally once the anger left me after the break up we stayed friends. It was only a matter of days before we were acting like a couple again, and only a matter of weeks before I wanted her back. She didn't want us to be a couple, it seems that she just wanted to know that I was there. I remained dignified, I wasn't begging her by any means. I was just confused that while we were talking about our future together and holding hands, she didn't want to be with me. I initiated a lot of long talks face to face with her which didn't really get much of a reply. These talks just left me with more loose ends and more rubbish to think about during the day. Eventually enough was enough, I went to her house and calmly told her that I agreed with the break up and that I needed to move on. She started to cry but I decided to stay strong. Thats when she started being super affectionate, she started texting me and inviting me over. I was such a mug! We had some really nice days together last week, which made me want to plan a day out for us last weekend. Needless to say the old problems from out relationship popped up and my plans were dropped so that she could arrange something exactly the same with her friends instead. I was so angry that I just let it all out - and on facebook, which is the bain of my existence when ex girlfriends and arguments are involved. A few days later and we both came to an agreement. I told her how I felt about being constantly dropped and how she didn't respect me enough. What made it worse was that she admitted to knowing all of this already, she knew she was doing this to me without saying so much as a sorry. She ended her last text with: "whats done is done and i think you should stop dwelling on it sweetie x x x" To which I replied with a couple of days No Contact. It would have been longer, had I not seen her in town last night, she gave me a hug. As she held onto my jacket she told me that for the past month she still thought of me as her boyfriend, however after this weekend she now thinks of me as her ex. Brilliant. Back to square one, still no respect, still no girlfriend, still no getting over her! Does anyone else think that she's just playing mind games? Edited July 1, 2011 by samm84
betterdeal Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Sounds like you need some time and space away from her, to feel better yourself. Tell her that you want time and space, if that's your wish. Then get used to being single again. Don't worry about what she's thinking, feeling or doing. Care about what you are doing, feeling and thinking.
thelovingkind Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Wow, bud, it sounds like you've been through the mother of all mindf**ks This story is a great warning about the perils of navigating break ups without NC. I think it's also an important reminder that a break up is always a break up. I've seen a few stories around here where the dumper persists with very, very coupley behaviour after breaking up. Whether they do it to massage their ego or smooth out their transition into a new relationship or whether they've actually deluded themselves into thinking they're doing the dumpee a favour by giving them a bit more of what they want, I don't know, but the one thing these dumpers all have in common is that they willingly abandoned their commitment to being with the other person. For all the hand holding and hugs, in the end you can't really get past that bare fact.
Author samm84 Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 they do it to massage their ego or smooth out their transition into a new relationship This sounds just like her! I didn't know at the time, but we first got together very soon after her previous boyfriend. I should have seen the signs! I hope that people in similar situations can read this and understand how important it is to stay strong.
Author samm84 Posted July 3, 2011 Author Posted July 3, 2011 (edited) I guess I can finally post a bit of good news! like... 4 days no contact now? I went to the pub with no expectations of having a good night, and before long I found myself chatting to a table full of girls. Brilliant! To make things better, my ex showed up and I showed the first bit of self restraint so far. I went to get a drink and gave her a quick Hello, to which she grabbed my shoulder to stop me and asked if I was enjoying my night. I said it was fine and asked about hers, I kept things brief and then resumed to sit back at my saved spot on the girls' table. Sad thing is that even though I handled things a million times better tonight, I'm still kicking myself over the smallest things! When the pub started to close, everyone had to make their way to the front. I was forced to stand next to her again, I felt obliged to talk to her, which again was brief... but I felt I should have left it at one encounter. Also my friends decided to move on to another pub, which she also went to with her friends. So now I'm sitting here hoping that she didn't think I was following her. Dammit why do I overthink things! Someone please tell me I did ok! Edited July 3, 2011 by samm84
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