Geya Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Help! I never felt such a strong urge before, I feel like he thinks the grass is greener on the other side, and that he can do better I wana let him know he CANT'T and the grass isn't greener I don't know I feel messed up
geegirl Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 You can't stop him from thinking that the grass is greener or browner (if that is a word). It's not in your control Geya. And trying to make him see things your way is futile. And it's not about the grass being greener and what not. It's not that simple. I think it's simple to just throw it in a box and call it GIGS but sometimes it's the lacking of compatibility, feelings dying, evolving needs and wants, change of heart, etc. I don't know your story but if it's broken, you have to move on and heal. These feelings will come in waves. You just have to feel them and let them pass. Reacting is not going to do you any good. All those bad feelings are going to resurface. He may respond unkindly, that will hurt. He may respond sweetly, that will give confuse you. He may ignore you, that will piss you off. Don't do it. Let the sleeping dog lie or graze in green grass. You keep to NC and focus on moving forwards...not backwards. You have come so far, don't throw it all away. Trust me, you are going to be kicking yourself two seconds after you make contact. Plus, I don't know why he broke up with you, but if you badger him, you may reinforce reasons as to why he left in the first place. The best revenge is living well.
wilsonx Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 You can't stop him from thinking that the grass is greener or browner (if that is a word). It's not in your control Geya. And trying to make him see things your way is futile. And it's not about the grass being greener and what not. It's not that simple. I think it's simple to just throw it in a box and call it GIGS but sometimes it's the lacking of compatibility, feelings dying, evolving needs and wants, change of heart, etc. I don't know your story but if it's broken, you have to move on and heal. These feelings will come in waves. You just have to feel them and let them pass. Reacting is not going to do you any good. All those bad feelings are going to resurface. He may respond unkindly, that will hurt. He may respond sweetly, that will give confuse you. He may ignore you, that will piss you off. Don't do it. Let the sleeping dog lie or graze in green grass. You keep to NC and focus on moving forwards...not backwards. You have come so far, don't throw it all away. Trust me, you are going to be kicking yourself two seconds after you make contact. Plus, I don't know why he broke up with you, but if you badger him, you may reinforce reasons as to why he left in the first place. The best revenge is living well. I agree with the best revenge is proving to yourself and your ex that you do not need them back in your life
thelovingkind Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 The urge to break no contact can creep up suddenly and when you're at your most vulnerable, sometimes during a flood of unexpected tears. I find it helps to have an action plan set up in advance when you're in a clear frame of mind. Is there a friend that you know you can call at any time if you get these sudden urges? That could be your plan. If not, think of something else to keep you occupied. Anytime your fingers are trembling on the dial or keypad, try hopping in the shower and crying it out first. Sometimes just distracting yourself for two or three minutes is enough to let the compulsion wash on by and get back to your senses.
Author Geya Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 You can't stop him from thinking that the grass is greener or browner (if that is a word). It's not in your control Geya. And trying to make him see things your way is futile. And it's not about the grass being greener and what not. It's not that simple. I think it's simple to just throw it in a box and call it GIGS but sometimes it's the lacking of compatibility, feelings dying, evolving needs and wants, change of heart, etc. I don't know your story but if it's broken, you have to move on and heal. These feelings will come in waves. You just have to feel them and let them pass. Reacting is not going to do you any good. All those bad feelings are going to resurface. He may respond unkindly, that will hurt. He may respond sweetly, that will give confuse you. He may ignore you, that will piss you off. Don't do it. Let the sleeping dog lie or graze in green grass. You keep to NC and focus on moving forwards...not backwards. You have come so far, don't throw it all away. Trust me, you are going to be kicking yourself two seconds after you make contact. Plus, I don't know why he broke up with you, but if you badger him, you may reinforce reasons as to why he left in the first place. The best revenge is living well. I have no idea why he broke up either, but it's not the first time he did it a few times before then came back, I guess the whole breaking up to come back again messed me up so much, I didn't contact him even though the urge was the strongest ever somehow I convinced myself that he was waiting for me to contact him and that when I do he'll tell me that he loves me and we'll be back I prepared the script in my mind and that drove me crazy it was like I HAVE to talk to him, but now I'm back to earth again, the mind plays funny games with me sometimes & driving me so crazy like some one on crack.. Thank you for taking time to help me out, this is my first breakup and I'm not taking it too well
Author Geya Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 The urge to break no contact can creep up suddenly and when you're at your most vulnerable, sometimes during a flood of unexpected tears. I find it helps to have an action plan set up in advance when you're in a clear frame of mind. Is there a friend that you know you can call at any time if you get these sudden urges? That could be your plan. If not, think of something else to keep you occupied. Anytime your fingers are trembling on the dial or keypad, try hopping in the shower and crying it out first. Sometimes just distracting yourself for two or three minutes is enough to let the compulsion wash on by and get back to your senses. Yeah my action was to come here and open a thread about it, and get some sense into my head, thanks I did notice that when I distract myself the urge wears off and I'm back to reality again, but it makes me live in fear about my next panic attack, my hed really goes to la la land where he's dying to talk to me and he's finally realized that he loves me lol, it's so sad but these thoughts are so powerful they can really make me do things I'll regret like breaking NC
geegirl Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I have no idea why he broke up either, but it's not the first time he did it a few times before then came back, I guess the whole breaking up to come back again messed me up so much, I didn't contact him even though the urge was the strongest ever somehow I convinced myself that he was waiting for me to contact him and that when I do he'll tell me that he loves me and we'll be back I prepared the script in my mind and that drove me crazy it was like I HAVE to talk to him, but now I'm back to earth again, the mind plays funny games with me sometimes & driving me so crazy like some one on crack.. Thank you for taking time to help me out, this is my first breakup and I'm not taking it too well It's crazy making behavior the push and pull that they do. The thing is, the crazy making behavior will be there again, and again. Trying to get through a break up is the hardest thing to do. I'd rather eat broken glass. But I do believe that we have to hurt to grow and learn. Whether it is your first break up or 10th, it always hurts. Come here and post and vent and cry. Try to keep to your NC. Breaking it will only take you back where you once started. The feelings come in waves. One minute you're going, "Screw him, I can do better." Two minutes later, "Waaaaaah, I wish I could just hold him ." It's a process.
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