Author green_tea Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 Already gave you a reason -- you're being lied to, most "cage free eggs" are not. Most are lying about it and making money off of your sympathy. How about this choice -- buying the cheaper eggs, and then donating the dollar you saved to the homeless. Wouldn't that be better? Or do chickens matter more than humans to you? Stop seeing the world in black & white. I already donate to the homeless. I care about both people and animals.
vsmini Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 this thread should not turn into a vegetarian ethics debate Way off track.
vsmini Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Green Tea In the grand scheme of "what it could have been" this was a very small debate that really got out of hand. You guys didn't see eye to eye on an issue you're very passionate about. Take and learn from it.
Author green_tea Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 Green Tea In the grand scheme of "what it could have been" this was a very small debate that really got out of hand. You guys didn't see eye to eye on an issue you're very passionate about. Take and learn from it. Thanks I appreciate your input.
ChessPieceFace Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I already donate to the homeless. I care about both people and animals. Nevertheless, you're spending an extra dollar on a chicken's comfort, and I would go out on a limb and say that if one were really to analyze the entire world, one could probably spend that dollar on a more worthy cause. My point is that there does exist a valid opposing viewpoint on this and most other things. It's not like he was supporting Hitler or interested in a suicide pact. this thread should not turn into a vegetarian ethics debate Way off track. There's a point to it -- if she stops seeing these things as black & white she might be more able to not get in stupid fights over trivial things.
Author green_tea Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 There's a point to it -- if she stops seeing these things as black & white she might be more able to not get in stupid fights over trivial things. I realise it was a stupid fight now, and will definitely work on that in future. Thanks.
vsmini Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Nevertheless, you're spending an extra dollar on a chicken's comfort, and I would go out on a limb and say that if one were really to analyze the entire world, one could probably spend that dollar on a more worthy cause. My point is that there does exist a valid opposing viewpoint on this and most other things. It's not like he was supporting Hitler or interested in a suicide pact. There's a point to it -- if she stops seeing these things as black & white she might be more able to not get in stupid fights over trivial things. OK - I just dont' want to see someone get on this thread and try to make a point by basically acting the same way that she might have on her date. That's a little counterproductive.
Crow9726 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 An argument over eggs??? Seriously??? Nothing ceases to amaze me nowadays...but this one really deserves special recognition. Petty and utterly ridiculous. If he was flexible enough to try to concede to her point of view...or voice understanding of a different stance on the subject...and not make an issue out of it...then good for him. However...she then not only criticized him taking a stance opposite hers...she then found fault in him trying to be flexible. He was in a lose-lose situation...orchestrated entirely by her. Her loss...and it appears he dodged a major bullet. Eggs??? Seriously??? Get a grip! I definitely gotta take a break from here...need my own reality check.
AlexDP Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 The issue here is him being condescending, not him disagreeing I guess? Because sometimes people can act a bit condescending (and I am often guilty of this myself) because it somehow makes their arguments look better. The thing I like about his reasoning though is that he seems to be able to see both sides to a discussion and that is a very good characteristic. Have you talked about it with him?
AlexDP Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 There's a point to it -- if she stops seeing these things as black & white she might be more able to not get in stupid fights over trivial things. I don't think it's the eggs that matter. It's him being condescending and her taking things personally way too soon. The discussion itself is trivial, the underlying dynamics are not. Probably something both parties should work on though..
vsmini Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 The issue here is him being condescending, not him disagreeing I guess? Because sometimes people can act a bit condescending (and I am often guilty of this myself) because it somehow makes their arguments look better. The thing I like about his reasoning though is that he seems to be able to see both sides to a discussion and that is a very good characteristic. Have you talked about it with him? I'm trying to gather from the OP if he really was condescending though - it sounds like he disagreed with her - I don't know his tone but she said he didnt get nasty.
kalikula Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I guess he was just trying to see both sides of the argument and put himself in the shoes of the person who buys caged eggs. In that case, the issue is that you felt he was condescending. I probably wouldn't end the relationship over it though; it's a fairly minor issue in the grand scale of things, and we can't go around dumping otherwise good partners just for little things. So you had a disagreement on an external issue which really has nothing to do with your relationship - so what? Accept that you have a difference of opinion and let it go. If his condescending behavior becomes a recurring issue, then I'd bring it up in discussion, and potentially consider ending the relationship at that point if I couldn't cope with it. But one disagreement on an issue which is relatively unimportant to your relationship isn't a deal breaker imo. Eh, I disagree. If he's already acting condescendingly on your first date then it is most definitely a fair warning sign that that would be recurring behavior, and really inappropriate behavior. If he had more respect for you and was more polite than he would not have come off that way, or he would have apologized for seeming rude. To me respect is very important in a relationship and I find it unacceptable for someone to be condescending. At least for me, I've never met anyone I liked online dating. Maybe I'll try again in 10 years.
Eclypse Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I think this was a very dumb reason to end the date. You're both incompatible, and it's better you found that out sooner than later. He probably saw it as a red flag too. Not many want to date radical animal activists. If you take a gander at any socio-economically disadvantaged area in any city (and I'm willing to bet yours is just like most and has a lot) most people are struggling to make ends meet. While to you an extra few dollars may not seem much, i assure you to a lot of people it means quite a lot. They really don't care where their eggs come from, as long as they don't go hungry. I hate people with such inflexible viewpoints. Be glad you both dodged a bullet.
OliveOyl Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Sounds like the date wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
Andy_K Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 That's why you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket.
RedRussian8080 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 The OP is clearly one of them "hot" women who because she is "hot" have been pampered since birth and by weak men and she has zero social skills because she never had to use them to get ahead in life. I am in a camp that HE dodged a bullet (slow one but still)
Dusk1983 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 OP - I only hope you're as attractive as you are sure of yourself.
RedRussian8080 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 (edited) If she is a true vegetarian, she would not eat meat even when starving and dieing, if she will eat meat when dieing, she is a fraud and a hypocrite. Since true vegetarian like a cow would not eat meat when starving. Also, the fact that she is SO hot and still single tells volumes about her "crazy level". Edited July 1, 2011 by RedRussian8080
oaks Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I think this whole thing had taught me that online dating is not for me. I don't understand what this has got to do with online dating. This is what happened: You were on a first date with a guy, and found a topic of conversation that you have a strong view about and you found that his view was different and that his reaction to your view wasn't to your liking. This caused you to end the date and decide that you don't want to see him again. Where was the computer in any of that? How is that different from, say, one of your friends saying "hey, I've got a great friend who you haven't met yet. You'll get on well with him. Let me introduce you." and then you get introduced, and then you go on a date, and then you talk about chickens. Edit to add: I'm sorry your date didn't work out.
sm1tten Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 I don't understand what this has got to do with online dating. This is what happened: You were on a first date with a guy, and found a topic of conversation that you have a strong view about and you found that his view was different and that his reaction to your view wasn't to your liking. This caused you to end the date and decide that you don't want to see him again. Where was the computer in any of that? How is that different from, say, one of your friends saying "hey, I've got a great friend who you haven't met yet. You'll get on well with him. Let me introduce you." and then you get introduced, and then you go on a date, and then you talk about chickens. Edit to add: I'm sorry your date didn't work out. I totally agree with this. For me, when there's a difference of opinion about a subject I feel strongly about, and there is seemingly no willingness to give and take or just agree to disagree, I just drop the subject... and if they won't drop the subject, I will just walk away from it. However, my thing is that I have no problem with an opposing or simply different point of view, I just can't stand to be with someone who tries to bully me into agreeing or becomes petulant. So for me, that would be a dealbreaker... not so much whatever the topic was, but how the person dealt with it. And to me, it sounds like both of you handled this poorly.
LSChic Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 He seems like a guy who likes to argue and debate. I personally get along with people like that, but then again, I'm in law school. This has been said already but I really wanted to throw in my 2 cents. It truly disgusts me when women have a checklist of things that they want in a man. Honestly, that's not dating, it's shopping. You can't pick out a partner like you would pick out a dress. When I'm meeting guys, I tend to go with an initial gut-reaction. Do I feel comfortable around him? What vibes am I getting? I mix that in with what I already know about him from his friends or his dating profile. Then I make the decision whether to go out with him, not based on a list of things I want in a guy, but based on my own personal comfort level. Once a guy has gotten past that stage, I just open my mind and listen to him. I like a guy who talks a lot about himself and opens up (if not emotionally, then just biographically). I don't like a lot of mystery. Once I get to know him, I go with another gut-reaction. Do I like him? Does he seem to like/respect me? Do I want to see him again? Did the night end too soon or did it drag on? And so it goes, again and again over the course of dating one person. If you truly open your mind to someone, have no expectations (other than basic physical attraction, which I agree is necessary), you can meet some amazing people who can show you some amazing experiences and opinions. Men are all so unique and each one has his own idiosyncracies that makes him interesting and special and (often) fun to be with. That's why I love dating. It's also why, even though I've gone on dates with people that didn't develop into a relationship, I've never had a "bad" first date. The key is to open your mind, toss out your expectations, and get the dumb idea of "standards" out of your head. Explore, don't cherry pick. Some of the best men are the ones you don't see coming. Ok, that being said, I think that depending on how your argument went, you may have done the right thing. It's that gut-reaction. If you felt disrespected, confronted, or belittled, you did the right thing by walking away despite how he looked on paper. I don't think that this date was your problem. I think that your way of picking men is your problem. You'll get a lot more dates and have a lot more fun if you open yourself up to new types of people and experiences.
ChessPieceFace Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I realise it was a stupid fight now, and will definitely work on that in future. Thanks. I thought a lot about this topic after posting, but never got around to posting again until now. I wanted to share some insights. I think you and I are similar in terms of having "convictions." That is, while I personally don't have an opinion on every topic (no sane person could), like the best way to shoe a horse, etc. On some topics, say... politics, at least some aspects of it, I would be very unyielding in my views and unable to tolerate some types of opposing viewpoints. As an example -- political partisanship. I find all types of political partisanship (but especially "left" or "right") to be repellent, and a sign that the person in question has chosen to subjugate their own independent thought to "groupthink." I could not stand dating a die-hard liberal OR a die-hard conservative. Not because of the actual issues, which reasonable people could debate, but because of the fact that instead of independent, critical analysis of said issues, they would just be parroting either right or left propaganda which would make my skin crawl. So yes, there are legitimate deal-breakers based on personal belief. I think your particular issue is larger than just "caged eggs" but really about "I can't believe this person doesn't care about ______!!" where the blank would be described as animal rights or animal feelings etc. Which I see as a valid concern. But when I look at what he said about it, basically he was more or less taking the position that the case could be made for an opposing viewpoint for legitimate reasons: The awful thing is, he did disagree with caged eggs, said that's all he buys, but he was trying to argue the case for people who do buy caged eggs (i.e that they are more affordable). I was saying they don't cost all that more, and that it makes me really angry seeing people buying the caged ones. So he did care about doing the "right thing", but just said it's not always possible for everyone to do it. His position seems the most reasonable to me. As far as "condescending", I would wager that you both may have been during that disagreement. I think I mentioned that before. Anyway, rather than agonize over the loss of one potential relationship (which is probably not salvageable due to the nature of first impressions) I would look at the larger picture of your beliefs and your ability to tolerate the beliefs of others. And also about picking your battles. It is totally unreasonable to expect to find anyone who is 100% compatible with all of your beliefs. Especially for people like you and me, who can be very unyielding on certain topics which we have thought a lot about, reached a "definite conclusion" about and have strong feelings about. So, in summary: - Figure out what your real "deal breakers" are, maybe even list them for your own use - Once you have that list, decide if it seems reasonable to expect to find anyone who could agree with all of them - Revise the list based on the above, either by elimination or by degree - Figure out better ways to deal with conflicting opinions, and present your side of an argument in a non-confrontational manner And lastly -- if you met someone EXACTLY like yourself, wouldn't that be really boring? You're already yourself. Isn't a little bit of difference the point?
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 It was just the way he argued with me. I can live with someone not agreeing to everything I do, it was the way he argued about it. I bought him drinks and food on the date, I doubt most women would do that, they expect to be paid for, so who knows if he will find someone better than me. I do find something off-putting about your approach. I certainly don't know you, but I would not be surprised if the guy might have had a very annoying experience with how YOU argued your point. Are you one of the self righteous, virtuous, holier than thou, PITA card carrying vegetarians? And WHY would you think he'd apologize to you? He argued his point in his own way, which according to you, was condescending. But probably that's who he is and how he argues, so why would he apologize to you? Unless he called you "stooopid" or something ... Bottom line - your check list isn't working for you, and if you are finding yourself having a great time with a guy and communication is flowing effortlessly - do YOUR part to keep things going that way.
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