Ufihs Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I'm 28 years old and the longest relationship I have been in lasted 5 years and ended about a year and a half ago. Recently I moved to a new place to go to school and I met this girl who is here to study English for a year and we hit it off, so I asked her out. Then trouble started. After going out a few times I told her that I really liked her and that although I didn't know what was gonna happen when she has to go back to her country, I still want to have a serious relationship with her. To that she replied that she also likes me but that she wasn't ready for a relationship right now, so I suggested that we stop seeing each other. But she said that she really likes me and doesn't wanna lose me. So after a few more dates we started having sex on a regular basis but I still felt she was kinda distant, so I asked her what was going on between us. She repeated the same thing again so I told her that I wasn't interested in this kind of relationship and that I wanted to have a girlfriend so it would be better if we stopped seeing each other. On the same day, she texted me at 3am telling me that should couldn't go to sleep because she was thinking about me and that she was really sad. I tried not to change my mind but I really like her and I thought that if she is so sad, it's probably because she does like me and that she just needs a little more time, so I decided to give it another try. To make a long story short, this same process has being going for 3 months now. So recently I decided that enough is enough so I told her not to contact me anymore unless she was sure 100% that she wanted to be my girlfriend. A week later she contacted me saying that she wanted to see me. I thought that maybe she finally made up her mind so I agreed to meet her only to realize that nothing had actually changed. Now I don't know what to do. I asked a few friends that said that I should just break up with her once and for all and forget about her, but I really like her and she keeps giving me hope that this could work, so I can't bring myself to take the decision of breaking up with her. I know exactly what she would say if I brought this again so I feel the only choice left is to end it once and for all. I skipped a lot of details (there is a loooot of them) to make this post as short as possible so if you have any questions please ask. I really need help, I don't know what to do and I feel that I got more attached to her with time. PS: Just in case some of you are wondering why I am so stuck up on the idea of a girlfriend or think that we are already are in a relationship, her is why I don't feel we are in one: (1) nobody knows about us, she didn't tell her friends that she is dating someone (2) she is spending a lot more time with her friends than she is with me (3) I feel I'm last in her list of priorities (4) She said that she doesn't want a serious relationship so it can't be more clear than that.
wilsonx Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I'm 28 years old and the longest relationship I have been in lasted 5 years and ended about a year and a half ago. Recently I moved to a new place to go to school and I met this girl who is here to study English for a year and we hit it off, so I asked her out. Then trouble started. After going out a few times I told her that I really liked her and that although I didn't know what was gonna happen when she has to go back to her country, I still want to have a serious relationship with her. To that she replied that she also likes me but that she wasn't ready for a relationship right now, so I suggested that we stop seeing each other. But she said that she really likes me and doesn't wanna lose me. So after a few more dates we started having sex on a regular basis but I still felt she was kinda distant, so I asked her what was going on between us. She repeated the same thing again so I told her that I wasn't interested in this kind of relationship and that I wanted to have a girlfriend so it would be better if we stopped seeing each other. On the same day, she texted me at 3am telling me that should couldn't go to sleep because she was thinking about me and that she was really sad. I tried not to change my mind but I really like her and I thought that if she is so sad, it's probably because she does like me and that she just needs a little more time, so I decided to give it another try. To make a long story short, this same process has being going for 3 months now. So recently I decided that enough is enough so I told her not to contact me anymore unless she was sure 100% that she wanted to be my girlfriend. A week later she contacted me saying that she wanted to see me. I thought that maybe she finally made up her mind so I agreed to meet her only to realize that nothing had actually changed. Now I don't know what to do. I asked a few friends that said that I should just break up with her once and for all and forget about her, but I really like her and she keeps giving me hope that this could work, so I can't bring myself to take the decision of breaking up with her. I know exactly what she would say if I brought this again so I feel the only choice left is to end it once and for all. I skipped a lot of details (there is a loooot of them) to make this post as short as possible so if you have any questions please ask. I really need help, I don't know what to do and I feel that I got more attached to her with time. PS: Just in case some of you are wondering why I am so stuck up on the idea of a girlfriend or think that we are already are in a relationship, her is why I don't feel we are in one: (1) nobody knows about us, she didn't tell her friends that she is dating someone (2) she is spending a lot more time with her friends than she is with me (3) I feel I'm last in her list of priorities (4) She said that she doesn't want a serious relationship so it can't be more clear than that. are you not happy with not having a serious relationship with her? As an alpha male, you should be ok with just where you are at but you are projecting your insecurities of the relationship on to her and its actually turning her off.
Author Ufihs Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 Thanks for your reply. are you not happy with not having a serious relationship with her? As an alpha male, you should be ok with just where you are at but you are projecting your insecurities of the relationship on to her and its actually turning her off. Are you saying that as an Alpha male I should just accept any kind of relationship even if I'm not happy with it? Is it unnatural to expect certain things from your partner? For example when we go out with friends and she totally ignores me and spend most of the time talking to other guys, am I wrong to be unhappy about it? Does that make me insecure?
wilsonx Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Thanks for your reply. Are you saying that as an Alpha male I should just accept any kind of relationship even if I'm not happy with it? Is it unnatural to expect certain things from your partner? For example when we go out with friends and she totally ignores me and spend most of the time talking to other guys, am I wrong to be unhappy about it? Does that make me insecure? that means you are a friend. You pushed the envelope too far already and pushed her away. Theres no point in breaking up with her because there's no relationship. She told you what she wanted but let this be a lesson for next time. You should be comfortable with yourself to be the one leading the relationship and not forcing her to do anything. I watch this happen all the time. Girls love guys that do not get jealous or insecure. Case in point, tonight I was talking to a lot of people at the bar. I was all over the place introducing myself to both men and women. The girls I talked to me even with their boyfriends near them were not intimidated by me at all just for striking up conversations with them. The boyfriends did not get jealous either, they let us talk and engage in conversation for 10+ minutes and went off and did their own thing. Not one guy got jealous of me talking to their girl tonight. I even told the girlfriends that they had great boyfriends and wished them the best of luck in their lives and they respected me. I shook their boyfriends hand out of a sign of respect and said it was nice to meet them and went off and did my own thing again. Not one guy got jealous or was insecure at least to me or her and I can spot insecurity a mile away.
Author Ufihs Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 that means you are a friend. You pushed the envelope too far already and pushed her away. Theres no point in breaking up with her because there's no relationship. She told you what she wanted but let this be a lesson for next time. You should be comfortable with yourself to be the one leading the relationship and not forcing her to do anything. I watch this happen all the time. Girls love guys that do not get jealous or insecure. Case in point, tonight I was talking to a lot of people at the bar. I was all over the place introducing myself to both men and women. The girls I talked to me even with their boyfriends near them were not intimidated by me at all just for striking up conversations with them. The boyfriends did not get jealous either, they let us talk and engage in conversation for 10+ minutes and went off and did their own thing. Not one guy got jealous of me talking to their girl tonight. I even told the girlfriends that they had great boyfriends and wished them the best of luck in their lives and they respected me. I shook their boyfriends hand out of a sign of respect and said it was nice to meet them and went off and did my own thing again. Not one guy got jealous or was insecure at least to me or her and I can spot insecurity a mile away. First of all I don't think we are friends, at least in the normal sense of the word, as I mentioned, we're having sex on a regular basis. Second of all, I'm not interested in a friendship with her and quiet honestly I can't be her friend so when she calls me the next time I have a choice to make, (1) either tell her that I don't wanna see her anymore and that's what I meant by breaking up with her (2) Try to talk about the relationship again or (3) Just let things be the way they are. So this is what I'm trying to figure out. Also I think you're getting the wrong idea when I said she spends most of the time talking to other guys. I totally understand what you're saying about going to a bar and talking to a girl who is with her boyfriend for a few minutes but at least you knew he was her boyfriend and you even shook his hand. When I said she spent most of the time talking to other guys, I meant MOST of the time. To the point that I felt we were not going out together, we might as well have gone out each on our own. I'm not the kinda guy who would get jealous over something like that. I was in a relationship that lasted 5 years, do you think it could have lasted that long if I were this jealous? My Ex would have had not to talk to any guy for 5 years lol And to go back to the Alpha male part. I believe an alpha male should have requirements for his relationships. And there is nothing wrong with talking about those requirements when one feels that they have not been met. We are all different and we all have different concepts and expectations from relationships and an alpha male doesn't just passively accept his partner's concept of relationship even if it doesn't suit him. In fact nobody should do that.
Author Ufihs Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 One more detail. I don't know where you got the idea that I pushed her away and that we are friends now. What I said was that every time I told her that I wanted to stop the relationship but SHE kept coming back again and again each time telling me that she wants to be with me and that she can't stop this relationship. In fact, the last time she even said she wants to have a serious relationship with me but then I realized that she was not being sincere.
Author Ufihs Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 Please guys help, I need more insight. Right now, my problem is that I don't know what to do. My friends keep telling me that I should forget about her because you can't change a person's personality or change them into liking you more and I know that they're right on rational level. But I like her so much that just thinking about breaking up with her makes me wanna cry (yes grown man cry too) and the worst is that she keeps feeding me hope and giving just enough to hang me there. Is this kind of relationship normal? Do I have to break up with her or should I just be patient and see where things go, because this is what I have been doing so far and that's the problem, I feel it's going nowhere. I wanna be sure before making any big decisions and I need to do that quickly because the pain is getting unbearable. Thanks again guys, any input is appreciated.
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