RedRussian8080 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Why not give her like 2-3 years to find her self and make a choice on what she wants then if it is to be with you, you take it if you are single by then, tell her that directly as well. She will respect that and you.
Author moodoo Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 I know man its just....there's nothing I hate more than going in there and seeing her dancing on guys and I'm not going to stop going, I've been going there since I was 16, so nearly 15 years and this has never happened to me. Seriously I don't think you can understand the gut-wrenching feeling of seeing the woman you sleep with and care about go into the VIP room with some other guy.....it's a feeling I wouldn't wish on anyone. I should have never gotten myself into this situation, but again, it is what it is right now and I was just seeking a solution that didn't involve me cutting her out of her life or having her fired for my own sanity. For all of you who say I'm being unreasonable, most men go nuts when a guy looks at their gf or wife, I'd love for you to try this out in comparison. I've handled this so well on the outside, it's inside where I'm dying slowly.....
RedRussian8080 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Read what you wrote and see in how much suffering you are in and then look back and see why do you choose to suffer this much and for what....if you still think it makes sense and it's worth it, more power to you bro, because then you can never blame her or anyone for further suffering.
RedRussian8080 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 By the way, you should stop visiting that place and find a new one for a wile, this is what you NEED to heal VS what you WANT to suffer. You may think it is noble and makes you strong, but not in HER eyes....and that is all you care about...
Author moodoo Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 but at the point im at with the feelings I have for her what do I do? 1)stop hanging out with my best friend at the place he owns? 2)have her moved to one of his other clubs so I don't have to see her but she'd hate my guts bc she'd make less money I dont have any good choices there.....that's why offering a waitress job where she could still make 10-15K if not more a month would have been the best scenario for me, but I understand people not liking being told what to do.....its just hard man, I wish I never got myself into this predicament
RedRussian8080 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 You can still get your self out by limiting your time with her for your personal mental health, which should be more important then her. She clearly looks at you as an option and you at her as priority. How can that make you respect yourself?
vsmini Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Don't do #2 - that's a bad move. It's her work and even if you know the owner...it's really not fair. Hang out with your buddy somewhere else - probably best option
vsmini Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Have you met this grandfather? How is his care so expensive? Medicare pays quite a bit and if he is broke there's medicaid too. Whole grandfather thing sounds a bit farfetched. Something else going on here. HAHA please - medical care in this country is a joke. even with the options you listed - getting sick or elderly will put you in debt like nobody's business. You're just stirring up crap - nothing sounds farfetched about her grandfather.
Author moodoo Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 I have met him his recent hip replacement surgery was a fortune and he's only 59 so no social security yet
Saxis Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 What I don't understand, is how you can look down on strippers, but not on your best friend, who in your own words, is using these women (your GF included) to get rich. It's like a vegetarian animal rights activist hooking up with the butcher every night to eat steak...
Author moodoo Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 That's the thing she says she doesn't like being there thats why she makes the money she needs and hangs out with me the rest of te nights. She says I have no idea how underpaid a nurse is and that I've never lived on the money of a real person with a real job. If she truly loved stripping I know plenty of girls who work 5-6 days a week and top 60k/month and drive bentleys. She doesn't even care abt my money, splits bills with me, never accepts my willing offers to help with bills. This is why I'm lost she doesn't like stripping so she doesn't do it everyday yet she likes it more than a real job even if it sacrifices her dignity....hence why I'm sad.
Author moodoo Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 One other thing, she's 26 and her granddaddy is 59? How? I guess it's possible but really a stretch. D your kind of an a-hole now, 26 yr old girl plus 43 year old mom plus 59 year old grandfather is not farfetched for a broken home and yes hip replacement surgery for an illegal immigrant from Mexico is pricey without insurance even I know that and I have plenty of money
Author moodoo Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 It's not just that I've met the guy and it's not a normal family like the one I was blessed with. She doesn't talk to her mother and her grandfather is alone and being an illegal can only do construction type jobs and he hacn't even do that now and to top it he has 3 kids 12,11, and 8 that he basically sends money to take care of. It's a truly sad situation and she'd handling it as amicably as possible but she just doesn't want my solution as a waitress. I think deep down she enjoys the company of the men bc she doesnt really have friends in miami bc she moved there to work and thats it, but Im still lost on why she wouldn't just go all out for say 1 year working 6 days a week make 500-800K and just go start her own business.....that I wouldn't mind, but this meddling around for 3 years with only 60K saved up is what bothers me....she doesnt even plan to get out
vsmini Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 35-40K for a hip replacement? Sounds a little far fetched. I would speak with your hospital about it...Fishy. Anesthesiology alone, on almost all big surgeries is 10-15K alone. (the padre is an anesthesiologist) I don't see how a hip replacement would be so cheap at 35K. "something is up" Even so...how strange (and rude) to tell someone about how 35K isn't a lot of money and declare how this girl should be able to afford it. I wish I lived in a world where everything was so simple to figure out, including stranger's financial situations, from just a few thread posts and such limited information.
Trimmer Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 (edited) Are you saying strippers are right in their career choice? No, I have specifically not spoken on my personal judgment of a stripping career. My point is that you are ONLY about your personal judgment of her stripping career, and have no ability to see the possibility that she has a different perspective. You are all about "how come she can't see things my way", yet you have no ability, and make no attempt, to see things her way. This has the effect of dismissing her perspective, which I'm sure is a big obstacle between you. One of the important things in a relationship is being heard - "Do you know what I mean?" You are unable to connect with her on this level, and so I don't expect you will be able to come to a meeting of the minds in this area. Incidentally, I don't necessarily thing you are a "bad guy" for having the opinion you do - maybe I share it, maybe I don't, but that is irrelevant to my point. My point is that if you can't hear her, empathize with her, put yourself in her position and really be willing to know her perspective, she will not feel like you are hearing her. It's not about money and no they're not sub-human but are they thinking clearly when they value money over their dignity??? Yes my best friend owns these types of businesses but he's not taking his clothes off for $20 he's making a fortune off of these girls. Again, I question who has more "dignity".... I still think you are deaf to the weird way these kinds of statements come off... Like I said my anger stems from the fact ... If you were a woman and a really good guy came into your life and treated you like a queen yet asked 1 thing of you and that was to quit being a stripper and go back to being a nurse.....would that be a bad guy or a guy who wants wants good for you? I think there's more wrapped up here psychologically than you think. You are "angry"... And it seems to stem from how her decision reflects back on you. You are taking her decision as a reference point on your value. If this down-on-her-luck stripper stays with her existing life instead of changing to be with you, it's not really so much about her, as the anguish it's causing you in terms of your value and her rejection of all you have to offer, etc. and don't say stripping is good for you, it never is. I'll repeat it again: I haven't said that. I've said that you are so wrapped up in your vision of what you want her to be that you have no access to understand her vision for herself - whatever that is, and however damaged it may be - and that will remain an obstacle between you. ...RNs make great money, maybe not right off the bat but I know some who make mid six figures after 5 or so years, more if they work overtime. "Mid six figures?" You're saying RN's with 5 years are making 300k-700k? Are we talking US dollars here? Edited July 1, 2011 by Trimmer
Author moodoo Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 One other thing, she's 26 and her granddaddy is 59? How? I guess it's possible but really a stretch. So just bc it's her vision I should understand and accept? I should accept drug dealers too? She previously gave handjobs onto of stripping...that is unacceptable at all costs....even if she doesn't go to te VIP room now it's still unacceptable means of earning a living
Trimmer Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 (edited) So just bc it's her vision I should understand and accept? I should accept drug dealers too? She previously gave handjobs onto of stripping...that is unacceptable at all costs....even if she doesn't go to te VIP room now it's still unacceptable means of earning a living Do you have to understand and accept it? Absolutely not - if her vision doesn't match what works for you, then it doesn't. My point is that you dismiss her vision as irrelevant, in lieu of what you think her vision should be. You don't need to accept her vision and force yourself to still love her - that's a choice that is totally up to you. However, you may need to come to accept that her vision for herself is REAL, and that it doesn't match yours, and that it is not likely to change to match yours. Just wanted to amplify an earlier point: It's not about money and no they're not sub-human but are they thinking clearly when they value money over their dignity??? Yes my best friend owns these types of businesses but he's not taking his clothes off for $20 he's making a fortune off of these girls. I mentioned that I thought you are deaf to the weird way these kinds of statements come off... So you've got a bunch of women who are willing to be used in what you consider to be an undignified way. And all your buddies come in and use them for their entertainment, and your best bud owns the place and makes "a fortune" by exploiting them. If you think what's going on is undignified, then don't you have to find the owner exploiting these unlucky women also to be undignified? But sure then, your reasoning is that he's making a fortune doing it. But wait, didn't you just ask: "are they thinking clearly when they value money over their dignity???" Seems to be working OK for your buddy, the club owner... Edited July 1, 2011 by Trimmer
vsmini Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 So just bc it's her vision I should understand and accept? I should accept drug dealers too? She previously gave handjobs onto of stripping...that is unacceptable at all costs....even if she doesn't go to te VIP room now it's still unacceptable means of earning a living You say her lifestyle is unacceptable and it's making you very upset. You should not be with her.
vsmini Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 No, meant 120-180k, which is well within range of a surgical RN who works a bit of overtime. Have always been under the impression that mid six figures means somewhere between 150-200k in conversation though technically it would be the range you post. Only a very tiny percentage of non professional, non business owning people make over 300k per year consistently from working based income. As far as the price for hip replacement, GOOGLE IT vsmini, not going to get into a flame war with you over some trivial thing, haven't been on this forum but a couple of days and think you are being snotty about my reasonable posts. OP said his gal couldn't make enough as an RN to pay for her Gdaddy's healthcare which is why she walked away from her career and started stripping. I asked what the expense was, he said hip replacement, I googled to confirm my experience of such from working in HR and confirmed 30-45k, which is a significant amount of money, but not the kind of money that FORCES an RN to leave that career in favor of stripping. I still think something doesn't add up about OP's gal. HAHA google - the bullet proof fact finder! I work at a hospital in special surgery dept. sorry -
Ruby Slippers Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I know a woman who's a stripper, and she has talked to me openly about her work. She says it's not only the money that is addicting -- it's also the attention. Even though a lot of the guys are scummy losers, she says you still get addicted to all the attention. Next is the power. She says it's quite a rush to swindle idiot men out of a ton of money for shaking your T&A at them and pretending you think they're sexy. And then there's the lifestyle. She says she has to pop pills, get high, or drink to do what she does without feeling like ****, and all that is addicting, too. It's a messy business. Some strippers will leave the life behind if a high roller makes a big offer that can replace all the income and then some. But a lot of those guys are crazy and creepy, too, so some strippers are more guarded about getting involved with them. Why don't you make your big offer, and see if she bites? How much money are you willing to put on her table? This is her top concern.
vsmini Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 As far as the price for hip replacement, GOOGLE IT vsmini, not going to get into a flame war with you over some trivial thing sounds good to me
Trimmer Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 Hey, OP - don['t leave us hanging - how are things going with your dancer?
JHS Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 (edited) I just don't get why she can't go back to being a nurse like she went to college for, money isn't everything in this life, dignity counts for something To some extent you are in denial. You have this vision of what the perfect or nearly perfect girl is and you seem to have found her except for this one aggravating significant thing that you don't think should exist - if she could just see it your way. But it does exist and you can't resolve the two. What you need is a girl with your same values, and you don't have that with her. She sees stripping as something OTHER than a vehicle to make money. As Ruby Slippers points out she may be addicted to the attention; maybe she loves the adoration she gets or maybe she likes being able to tap guys' wallets based on her looks/movements/sex appeal. Who knows? But it's not about the money as she has clearly demonstrated. And here you come in trying to impose your value system on her and it's not going to work. If she were a weaker personality, she would yield to your request but she could ultimately resent you. I personally am conservative and I have dated a few strippers but I did not to get close to them because I knew that ultimately I would not be able to accept it. Consider someone who dates a porn star - fun at first, right? But when she hits that part of your heart that says, "wife" things change and it usually isn't pretty. I see the only solution to you two working it out is that you need to change - either genuinely accept what she does (which may not be possible) or move on. Tough choice. Edited July 26, 2011 by JHS
rafallus Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 (edited) I just don't get why she can't go back to being a nurse like she went to college for, money isn't everything in this life, dignity counts for somethingNot everyone believes in dignity (or has the same idea, what it means). Reread Ruby's post, which is quite accurate on topic of strippers. Ergo: they are bat**** crazy. Edited July 26, 2011 by rafallus
JHS Posted July 26, 2011 Posted July 26, 2011 I know a woman who's a stripper, and she has talked to me openly about her work. A "friend"...right?
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