moodoo Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 So this is weird bc my best friend from childhood runs a few strip clubs here in miami that his dad owns and we always hang out there drink for free, etc...well Ive been seeing this one girl outside, going on dates for a while and i really like her but every time i bring up having her switch from stripper to waitress she gets mad. It's crazy, but I've been around these girls my whole life and have never fallen for one but this one,I cant take seeing her dance for other guys and im always there.As for the money, it is actually about the same bc the waitresses are automatically tipped 20%, the thing is she said she enjoys being a stripper and doesnt like being told what to do by me. I really like this girl and want something serious with her and Im a good guy, from a very well off family,educated(MBA),successful(I own a couple restaraunts) and young (29) but why cant she see that Im worth quitting for and besides that im trying hard to help her get her life together. It's nuts bc I can't talk to any of my friends besides the owners son bc they'd laugh at me for even being torn over a stripper but this girl isn't your normal stripper.....she has a college degree and had a real job but quit bc she needed alot of money to take care of her grandfather who raised her since she grew up without parents and now makes 10-15K/month which she wouldn't even need if we one day got married. What on earth do I do....I've been seeing her for 4 months but she's incredible and I'd love to have something more, how do I make her see what I see?
thatone Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 if you figure it out you can tell the the thousands upon thousands of other men who offered some woman who arguably didn't deserve it a better life and got turned down. good luck, you're gonna need it.
motive2002 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 You're dating a stripper, but you can't handle her dancing for other guys? Ok that was goof #1 You want to rescue her from being a stripper, when she's clearly told you she enjoys doing it? Goof #2 She doesn't enjoy being told what to do? Well, do you?
motive2002 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 ...also, you act like you're ashamed of what she does for a living, or what she "enjoys" doing. "Trying hard to get her life together"? I dated a stripper years ago. The only way to go into it is with your eyes wide open and with no personal agenda. I never asked her to stop dancing. I wasn't ashamed that I dated her. I had no problem with her dancing for other guys... if I did what business would I have dating her in the first place? Maybe you should find a girl that has a different profession.
Author moodoo Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 (edited) Goof #1 - I always hang out with my buddy, we're best friends from kindergarten till now, how many friends do you have like that? Yes I knew she was a dancer when we started hanging out, but I've hung out with tons of dancers over the years, and none got me like this one hence why I'm so confused. goof #2 - She thinks the 10-15K she makes a month is serious money because she doesn't come from money, but in reality she knows I can give her that and some but she doesn't want to quit because we're no MARRIED but Im at the point where I can't even see her in there and have contemplated having her fired for my own sanity but I wouldn't do that to her bc this is the best club in Miami and nowhere else can she work 10 days a month and make that money. I know I should not even be involved with a dancer, but my schedule is so weird my restaurants close at midnight and I head over to see my friend whose literally my brother on the way to my condo everynight. I stay at the club till 3 or 4 and head home, it's just being around him I've meet tons of girls we go party with and I just happened to fall for one......I know, its all fun and games with dancers until you start to like one, so please help me..... The reason Im pissed is bc she used to be a NURSE, she went to a 4 year college and has a degree but nurse money wasnt enough to care for her grandfather so she had a dancer friend and followed suit....Im mad bc she quit a career, most strippers don't have careers they quit, I know tons, this girl has potential T Edited July 1, 2011 by moodoo
motive2002 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 If she has potential, she''l have to find it on her own. You can encourage her, but ultimately she is a grown woman and you can't tell her what to do. I dunno maybe this won't help, but I'll share it anyway. When I was dating "Penelope", the dancer, I remember thinking to myself she's got all these guys paying her to strip, but she had fallen for me. Guys that would have offered a lot more than I ever could to get with her, but yet she was coming home to me. I knew she was crazy about me, and amidst all the other guys I was the one she wanted. Now you could date a waitress (the profession you had suggested in your original post) and if she was attractive, which I'm sure your girl is, she would be hit on non-stop without taking any of her clothes off at all. Either way, if you are secure with yourself, and you trust her, doesn't matter if she's serving drinks or lap-dances. Now the idea of going off and getting her fired sounds WAAAAY to controlling for me. To the point of creepy. I'd keep a lid on that if I were you.
Author moodoo Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 see thats the thing Ive known tons of girls over the years Im almost 30 now and I was friends with this girl before we ever dated and she'd always joke with me about giving guys handjobs for a few hundred bucks in the VIP room. She told me she hasn't done that kind of stuff sicne we've started seeing each other but I can't help but hate it ya know? This is all so crazy, Im a good guy, my parents are married, I've got a great career and I'm literally torn over this girl when I should be with someone so much better than her.....that old adage is true, " you cant help who you fall in love with"
Trimmer Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 What on earth do I do....I've been seeing her for 4 months but she's incredible and I'd love to have something more, how do I make her see what I see? You can't, until you can see what she sees. You are so mystified that she doesn't "see" your perspective, yet I don't see any evidence that you can see hers, and that's probably one of the reasons it makes her mad when you push her to switch to waitress. As a matter of fact, your confusion and failure to understand her perspective probably comes off to her as being dismissive, like you don't even acknowledge that she could possibly be satisfied in some fashion, doing what she's doing. You are so focused on your "vision" that hers is just irrelevant to you. i really like her but every time i bring up having her switch from stripper to waitress she gets mad. ...she said she enjoys being a stripper and doesnt like being told what to do by me. OK, here's how I see it. Every time you bring up having her switch, she gets mad. I think it's because she likes being a stripper and doesn't like being told what to do by you. Does that make it a little clearer? ...why cant she see that Im worth quitting for Again, you are cornering her into making a choice and you are putting values on her choosing one or the other outcome. You feel that the choice to "pick you" has great value (why can't she see I'm worth it...) and in the process, you imply that the situation she is in - the choice she has made - has low value. Hmmm, wonder if that could possibly bother her... ... makes 10-15K/month which she wouldn't even need if we one day got married. Ahh, so this woman who values not-being-told-what-to-do would be satisfied giving it all up to be financially dependent upon you? Wait... (insert funny boing! and popping sound effects) It just occurred to me that you're talking about her making a "career" choice now, after dating her for 4 months, based on the financial promise of getting married to you some day? Have you put it that way to her directly? Wonder what she'd think of that....
motive2002 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I'm literally torn over this girl when I should be with someone so much better than her..... ouch My final word of advice: You shouldn't date strippers. I'm not saying that as a general statement, I mean you specifically. It's clearly not what you want.
Author moodoo Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 This club is fantasyland you dont understand 15K a month is nothing she works literally 8-10 days a month. A waitress meanwhile gets 25% auto grauity on a tab so ie. 6 girls take guys to a VIP room on a given night @ $500/hr + minimum $100 bottle.....$600 x 6 tabs is $3600 and she makes $900 of that and keeps her clothes on and keeps her dignity. Along with that, my best friend runs the show so he's even promised her all the tabs he handpicks which are the high rollers he knows who spend the big bucks. He's trying to help me as much as he can. What she doesn't understand is that I'm fairly well known around town so I can't be running around with a dancer from my best friends club when all the guys I know are coming in and out of there. I don't want to date a stripper, this is just something that happened after 2 people hung out many times over the last few years. I just don't get why she can't go back to being a nurse like she went to college for, money isn't everything in this life, dignity counts for something
Trimmer Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 This club is fantasyland you dont understand 15K a month is nothing she works literally 8-10 days a month. A waitress meanwhile gets 25% auto grauity on a tab so ie. 6 girls take guys to a VIP room on a given night @ $500/hr + minimum $100 bottle.....$600 x 6 tabs is $3600 and she makes $900 of that and keeps her clothes on and keeps her dignity. Along with that, my best friend runs the show so he's even promised her all the tabs he handpicks which are the high rollers he knows who spend the big bucks. He's trying to help me as much as he can. What she doesn't understand is that I'm fairly well known around town so I can't be running around with a dancer from my best friends club when all the guys I know are coming in and out of there. I don't want to date a stripper, this is just something that happened after 2 people hung out many times over the last few years. I just don't get why she can't go back to being a nurse like she went to college for, money isn't everything in this life, dignity counts for something Dude - are you really able to hear/read what you are saying? You see the dancers as undignified at best, and your attitude pretty much relegates them to the sub-human. They're good for entertainment (yeah, all they guys you know are coming in and out of there, right?) but no, you can't be seen out with one. So you see her, and her type as undignified, sub-humans, but you can't, for the life of you, figure out why she doesn't see herself in the same way and appreciate your Richard Gere efforts to lift her out of the miserable gutter into the better life that you will provide her. And you're pulling strings with her employer to get her preferential treatment (bound to make her a hit with her co-workers, no doubt...) That seems like the kind of thing that will go over big with someone who doesn't want to be told what to do... From her perspective: she's apparently satisfied with what she's doing, and making enough to meet her goals (and certainly more than she would make nursing) with nobody telling her what to do. From your perspective: you've fallen for a stripper who is undignified, and you're trying to rescue her with the prospect of taking care of her and marriage. Congrats - you're actually kinda making her sound like the more dignified one here...
Author moodoo Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 Dude - are you really able to hear/read what you are saying? You see the dancers as undignified at best, and your attitude pretty much relegates them to the sub-human. They're good for entertainment (yeah, all they guys you know are coming in and out of there, right?) but no, you can't be seen out with one. So you see her, and her type as undignified, sub-humans, but you can't, for the life of you, figure out why she doesn't see herself in the same way and appreciate your Richard Gere efforts to lift her out of the miserable gutter into the better life that you will provide her. And you're pulling strings with her employer to get her preferential treatment (bound to make her a hit with her co-workers, no doubt...) That seems like the kind of thing that will go over big with someone who doesn't want to be told what to do... From her perspective: she's apparently satisfied with what she's doing, and making enough to meet her goals (and certainly more than she would make nursing) with nobody telling her what to do. From your perspective: you've fallen for a stripper who is undignified, and you're trying to rescue her with the prospect of taking care of her and marriage. Congrats - you're actually kinda making her sound like the more dignified one here... Are you saying strippers are right in their career choice? It's not about money and no they're not sub-human but are they thinking clearly when they value money over their dignity??? Yes my best friend owns these types of businesses but he's not taking his clothes off for $20 he's making a fortune off of these girls. Me trying to take care of her as best as I can by making sure she's his go to waitress is not really special treatment, he already has 2 or 3 waitresses he calls upon for the big tabs, adding a 4th was his idea if it meant my happiness. Like I said my anger stems from the fact that she's 26 and 3 years ago nurse money was good enough for her and now she has to take care of her grandfather and rather than rack up debt like a normal adult who can't pay she lowers herself to be among literally prostitutes and do things like give handjobs for a $150K a year....big deal that kind of money is nothing in south beach. I know her story sounds like bs but I've met her grandfather and the real problem is he's only 59 and too young for social security, yes she's 26, mom is 43 and grandfather is 59. I can't say I know what it's like to have money problems, but I know there's always another way, stripping isn't always the solution. If you were a woman and a really good guy came into your life and treated you like a queen yet asked 1 thing of you and that was to quit being a stripper and go back to being a nurse.....would that be a bad guy or a guy who wants wants good for you? and don't say stripping is good for you, it never is.
Andy_K Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 You have no respect for her life choices. What makes you think a girl will want to date someone who doesn't respect their decisions? She will see you as controlling, arrogant, and self-absorbed. You have to accept people as they are.
Author moodoo Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 As they are? What is wrong with you all if you saw a friend going down the wrong path in life would you help them or just accep their decision? This is ridiculous stripping is not a good choice if other options such as nursing are available why are you trying to make me out to be the bad guy
vsmini Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 why cant she see that Im worth quitting for So many of us spend so much time trying to get others to see the worth in ourselves. We exhaust ourselves just so this one person can see us for who we are (or think we are). It's futile. If they don't see it to begin with or see it on their own - it's pointless. It's not so much that you aren't "worth it" it's probably that she loves what she does and her ideal guy would never want her to change that. Now I'm not saying put away your boundaries and ignore what makes you feel uncomfortable but...maybe you aren't a match. I know it's tough to hear if you feel strongly for her but this will always be a source of tension and conflict while she's still doing it.
vsmini Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 As they are? What is wrong with you all if you saw a friend going down the wrong path in life would you help them or just accep their decision? This is ridiculous stripping is not a good choice if other options such as nursing are available why are you trying to make me out to be the bad guy You're not a bad guy - The thing is - this girl isn't a drug addict she's a stripper. Though not the kind of job you want to run and talk to your parents about....it's what she has decided that she wants to do. The truth is - you have to accept her decision. Because it's her decision. Of course it's hard watching someone live a life you don't approve of but it's out of your hands. And the more you try to force her out of the choices she has made the more she will push you away. It is nice that you're concerned but you can't change someone and expect them to make the changes you want to make.
vsmini Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 If you were a woman and a really good guy came into your life and treated you like a queen yet asked 1 thing of you and that was to quit being a stripper and go back to being a nurse.....would that be a bad guy or a guy who wants wants good for you? and don't say stripping is good for you, it never is. I think it's great that you place such a high value on her and want what is best for her but....the 1 thing you're asking of her (though you might not agree) is to change the job that she is choosing to do day-in and day-out. That's tough. To me - stripping would be an awful job, I admit. But if I was doing something with my life that I enjoyed I wouldn't be too keen on changing it because the guy I was with didn't like it. Again - it's great that you want what is best for her but sometimes that's not what a woman is looking for. She's looking to be accepted for who she is and just because you're a great guy....doesn't mean that she is willing to change. It's not a reflection on you, even though it might seem like it...it just shows you that she's sticking by her decision and she likes what she does. Even if she is in denial and hates her job....you can't rescue or change someone that doesn't want to change.
mo mo Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 You're not a bad guy - The thing is - this girl isn't a drug addict she's a stripper. Though not the kind of job you want to run and talk to your parents about....it's what she has decided that she wants to do. The truth is - you have to accept her decision. Because it's her decision. Of course it's hard watching someone live a life you don't approve of but it's out of your hands. And the more you try to force her out of the choices she has made the more she will push you away. It is nice that you're concerned but you can't change someone and expect them to make the changes you want to make. Agreed. And I'll add this: You said she doesn't come from a rich family, so she might have gone through a lot of disappointments while growing up. She might have felt like she was at a disadvantage and//or no one wanted her to succeed. Now, she makes more than enough money to live comfortably, and she gets to see plenty of men want her exactly as she is-- nude. Do you see how this massages her ego? Working a "respectable" job is not a priority for her because it does nothing for her ego. She made a controversial life choice on her own, and it paid off immensely. There is nothing anyone can tell her that will convince her she did the wrong thing.
rafallus Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Most strippers are bat**** crazy, you're better off without her.
alexlakeman Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 OP, if you do own a couple restaurants, and hang out at the strip club, does she know you also post on loveshack? I'm in Miami, just keep banging her, you know there are lots of women down here.. How is it going to feel when you introduce her to family and "friends" and you have to say "she's a stripper"?Or when one of your other guy friends or guy family members recognizes her as the hot chic who sucked them off or gave them the hand job?Or when you are at a party, a restaurant, and one of her "clients" walks up and tells her "call me"? They probably think you are just another client.She has to have a sh)t load of miles... no way... Damn, now I want to know what club is it? In S Beach or MIA? Hmmm, East orWest of I-95? Northeast end of town? PM me the club, just curious .. Name starts with a T? or on 163rd? Pm me the club name, lol Damn, $150K / year? Fk, no wonder they can afford living in Sunny Isles, and Brickell.. fk, I should've been born a female and strip, lol
Author moodoo Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 Haha no it's not tootsies, that's owned by a big corporation that's publicly traded, yes alot of dancers make 7 figures a year, really not a big deal wen certain ones command up to $5k an hr. I used to run an Internet company with a friend from my MBA program and then sold it to pursue my passion. I'll give you a hint I live at the jade ocean, my places are in and around that part of south beach, this whole city is in foreclosure nothing impresses me. As for the girl, she's not a flat out prostitute like most in this town, I know bc my buddy signs off on all the tabs and hers are never that high so he told me she was ok to hang out with on a serious level.
Author moodoo Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 I think it's great that you place such a high value on her and want what is best for her but....the 1 thing you're asking of her (though you might not agree) is to change the job that she is choosing to do day-in and day-out. That's tough. To me - stripping would be an awful job, I admit. But if I was doing something with my life that I enjoyed I wouldn't be too keen on changing it because the guy I was with didn't like it. Again - it's great that you want what is best for her but sometimes that's not what a woman is looking for. She's looking to be accepted for who she is and just because you're a great guy....doesn't mean that she is willing to change. It's not a reflection on you, even though it might seem like it...it just shows you that she's sticking by her decision and she likes what she does. Even if she is in denial and hates her job....you can't rescue or change someone that doesn't want to change. so you're saying there is nothing I can do?
vsmini Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 so you're saying there is nothing I can do? Yea - pretty much. She might decide that stripping isn't for her in a few years but it sounds like she's going to make that decision on her own timeframe.
RedRussian8080 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Deep down you know she is wrong for you bro, but you got to learn to control your impulses vs your evolved human decision making process.
Author moodoo Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 Deep down you know she is wrong for you bro, but you got to learn to control your impulses vs your evolved human decision making process. Yes and no.....the thing is this girl is different from all the other dancers I've met over the years in the sense that everytime I'd go in there before anything happened between us she would hang out with me for 30 minutes or so and have some drinks knowing I'd never pay her. All the other dancers were always about the money and would say hey and move on. This girl grew up with no parents and was raised by her grandfather,managed to go to college and live a normal life until her grandfather's health came to the forefront and she decided to forego her nursing career to do what her cousin did and strip because of the money needed. Even when I talk to her I know she's not an idiot and truly a sweet girl, it's just hard to see when I know I'm fully capable of loving this girl and maybe marrying her and giving her a great life meanwhile she wants to dance bc there's a chance I screw her over and she wants to make all the money she can now......it's like her life is at a fork in the road and I'm just hurt bc she is going down the destructive path while most would take the normal job and less pay if it meant a good guy and a healthy relationship.
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