seeker1123 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 it all started with my ex planning to move two hours away for school, and a lot of fear on both sides. then she started saying she was confused about whether she wanted to be with me or not. she brought up the idea of "breaks", which i basically told her i was weary of. then, after more talk of her confusion, i told her one morning that maybe we should take a break, that i didn't want to be with her unless she knew she wanted to be with me. she agreed that she needed a break. that night she texted me she missed me, and i texted that i missed her too. a week of no contact later she called me in the morning, crying, saying she was in love with me, wanted me, missed me, and asked if we could try again. i said "yes", and reciprocated her affections. she said she was afraid things would go back to where they were before, "stasis", she said, and a sense of not being independent enough. i said we would have to talk about what that meant, and work out what we both needed. i was reluctant to meet her at first. i told her i didn't think it would work unless we both had both feet on board, and that that was my concern (her confusion). i told her i didn't want to wait for anyone to decide whether they wanted me. we planned to meet the next day to talk, her idea. the next day, she didn't return my texts when i asked if she still wanted to meet, and i found a note on my door basically saying that she had to give up our relationship to "keep herself" and respect me and our love, and that one week wasn't enough time for her to do anything but just hold on, and all this stuff about how much she loved me. i was crushed. we didn't talk again for a while, until she texted me telling me she missed me. i told her that i missed her too, but that if she didn't want to work things out, i needed space. she texted me a long **** text back about how much she loved me, but needed to focus on herself, and that she would leave me be. a month later i broke down and messaged her telling her i still loved her, and all this jazz, but i didn't suggest a reconciliation. the conversation was very short. she said she loved me, missed me, it was the worst pain that she'd ever felt, and that she wanted to talk, but wasn't ready to see me in person. i just kept with no contact. a few days later, she called me in the morning, and i didn't answer. then, she sent me an e-mail message in the evening talking about a memory she had of when she felt loved by me, and how she was sad she didn't get to say goodbye to me (she moved that day), the person who means the most to her. i responded basically asking her if she was trying to string me along, if it hurt so bad why didn't she want to work things out, and telling her to either come back and work things out or leave me alone. she responded saying that she would never keep me in a "reserve closet", she treasured me, wished she knew what happened with us and how we got here, but that it wasn't working before, and that she would leave me alone, and all kinds of lovey stuff about my self fidelity. what is going on? does she love me? did i do the right thing? it feels so hard to move on, because i feel like she has been blowing red hot since we broke up, yet it seems she doesn't want to, or is scared to, try again? was i too harsh giving her an ultimatum like "come back to me and work it out or leave me alone"?
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 seems like she just doesn't know what she wants. I assume you two are around the age of 18 because you said she moved two hours away for school. 18 - 25 ish is about the time where a person finds out who they are in this world and sadly it breaks a lot of hearts. I think you are handling everything fine and I also think she is scared of both reconciliation with you and living a life without you. obviously she needs to make this choice for herself and with you telling her flat out that she shouldn't contact you unless she wants to work things out is reducing the odds of her stringing you along. Keep us updated, I'll try to give more advice with due time.
Author seeker1123 Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 actually we're 25 (me) and 26 (her), and she's moving for graduate school. it's just so hard, i feel almost guilty telling her to leave me alone, and afraid that i'll ruin my chances with her for being so straightforward.. but i suppose if i said "come back to me and work it out or leave me alone", and she chooses to leave me alone, then her choice is clear, right? this is so hard. she says she's still in love with me. ugh.
Author seeker1123 Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 i suppose i just want reassurance that i did the right thing and didn't act in haste.. i really love her, i just, don't want to sell myself short. i mean, i think a month or so is long enough for me to wait around.. right?
nana841121 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 seeker, obviously her mental age is junior to her physical age. you handle this thing well. she is the one who has to know what she wants.trust me, i have been in her situation.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Don't wait around for anyone. You did the right thing and didn't act in haste trust me. You stated that if she wants to work things out then she can contact you, this means you are leaving that opportunity open but you are closing the door of opportunity of her stringing you along like a puppy on a leash. You are one of the very few people that did do the right thing right off the bat and didn't make many mistakes, Her going back to school could have triggered an "I need to find myself" phase in her life, which I can't place any blame on her because going back to school is a major life turning event. Keep living your life without her, don't hold anything back, work on yourself, focus on your goals, and maybe you'll find another girl along your journey.
Author seeker1123 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Posted July 2, 2011 thank you, everyone, for the feedback.. i really can't express how much better it helps me feel about my situation. it's very hard when you're "in it", as in caught up in the emotions.. I was so very in love with this girl - it's a shame. but i suppose i'll just try to leave it to the universe for now. any additional feedback, stories, anything would be greatly appreciated. thank you, thank you!
Author seeker1123 Posted July 3, 2011 Author Posted July 3, 2011 (edited) i haven't talked to her.. but i looked at her online blog today.. she had this paragraph about how much she has learned from me, that i am "the love of her life", her "only love", etc.. i probably shouldn't have looked at that. i cried like a baby. Edited July 3, 2011 by seeker1123
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