P&R Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I want to be as transparent as possible and I've been mulling over giving my girlfriend the passwords to my facebook, and email. We've been together for around 8 months. However after reading ES's threads I'm almost hesitant. My girlfriend is very secure and she probably wouldn't do that but never the less it made me stop and think...
D-Lish Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Why would you do that? Trust is all about NOT having to do things like this. If my boyfriend gave me all his passwords, I'd find it weird, because if I am with him, it's because I trust him. I also think people need their privacy- even when in a relationship. In all honesty, you could give her all your passwords, but if you wanted to cheat, you could just create different accounts to do so. Real trust in a relationship is not handing over all your passwords... it's knowing you don't have to.
vsmini Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I'm glad this topic came up. You don't have to give her your passwords and she really shouldn't be asking for them (if she is). My BF and I have been together 7 months and he wants to use my old laptop for work (he gets comp'd a daily rate if he brings his own laptop) nobody he knows can lend him one so he was just going to use mine and give me the money he's comp'd. I was hesitant but couldn't really say why. He would have access to all my Word documents and pictures. I was going to delete them but then I thought "well why do i need to delete it, even if he did see all of it, there's nothing to hide on here" but i still kind of felt uneasy. Then I felt kind of strange for feeling strange about it. I agree with Dlish - just because you trust each other doesn't mean you retain the right to all privacy invading. I put a password on some of my old Word documents - problem solved.
johan Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Are you also planning to sign up for a weekly polygraph session? Maybe you can also set up some kind of video surveillance on yourself? I mean, if you really want her to trust you, passwords don't amount to much.
Lilmisus Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Don't give her your passwords, no matter how great your relationship or trust may be.
numerical25 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 giving her your credentials is wrapping yourself around her finger. She will start taking you for granted because she knows she cant possibly lose you. And might gain interest in other men because she wants the feeling of man who is in control.
sm1tten Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Never. I would never ask, and if a guy offered, I'd probably find that a bit weird.
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Uh, never? Sure, it's nice to be transparent. But it's also nice to have boundaries and a little bit of privacy. If a guy I was dating asked to exchange passwords (whether it's two months or two years in), I'd think him insecure and controlling.
SmileFace Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Why would you want to do this? Do you have hers? I am pretty sure if you offer her your passwords she is going to think you are cheating or something? Why would you want to do this?
OliveOyl Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I want to be as transparent as possible and I've been mulling over giving my girlfriend the passwords to my facebook, and email. We've been together for around 8 months. However after reading ES's threads I'm almost hesitant. My girlfriend is very secure and she probably wouldn't do that but never the less it made me stop and think... I'd never give my BF or even spouse passwords to email and/or FB. I have absolutely nothing to hide but that is simply what I consider personal & private space. And if the relationship goes downhill, you might want to change your passwords to prevent all kinds of possible behavior, but just the act of changing your password would be a cause for drama. I wouldn't do it.
neowulf Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Trusting is an act of faith. It's not "trust" if someone has to monitor your every communication and action to be "sure" you're being honest with them. If she's pressing for them, it's her trust issues she's projecting. If she has a question about something, she can ask. You'll tell her. End of story. Don't go down this road man. It gives away *way* too much personal power.
Citizen Erased Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Completely unnecessary. Password for a laptop or desktop, yes, as you both may need to use them at times. But everything? Overkill. I leave my email, FB, LS etc logged into my laptop. But that's cos I'm lazy, not cos my husband wants to look at it.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Why in the world would you do this? Privacy and trust are healthy.
johan Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 The right time to tell her your passwords is whenever she asks for them. You've done enough at this point if you've simply handed over the keys to your scrotum.
D-Lish Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 The right time to tell her your passwords is whenever she asks for them. You've done enough at this point if you've simply handed over the keys to your scrotum. Exactly. Honestly, if you want to demonstrate trust- hand over your pin number:lmao:
alexlakeman Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 NEVER give her your passwords... no, no , no, no, no, no... Will she sign a confidentiality agreement b4 you give them to her? LOL Don't give her the passwords
Eeyore79 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I wouldn't give my boyfriend my passwords. Not because I have anything to hide, but because he should trust me; there's nothing in my email or Facebook that he needs to see. In fact I'd rather he didn't see emails about expensive shoes I've ordered (which I'll tell him I've had for ages), or emails with my friend about her private relationship problems, or emails with his mom about what we're going to buy for his birthday, etc.
rafallus Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Not because I have anything to hide In fact I'd rather he didn't see emails about expensive shoes I've ordered (which I'll tell him I've had for ages), or emails with my friend about her private relationship problems, or emails with his mom about what we're going to buy for his birthday, etc. :lmao: I have access to other people's accounts, but I have no reason to spy - it's merely for their convenience, if I can do sth they are unable to (like some crazy editing of attachments for e-mails). That doesn't mean them giving me their passwords was expected or even desired by me.
sweetjasmine Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I agree with the general consensus - don't do it, there should be no need. You shouldn't give up all your privacy in a relationship. I have a few passwords for a lot of my SO's various accounts but only because he's asked me multiple times to log into x, y, z and print/do/read something for him because he needed it right away and had no access at the moment. If I ever needed a practical favor like that, I wouldn't hesitate to give him my password, either. Neither of us snoops even when we know passwords and neither of us finds it necessary to give/ask for all passwords to everything. Any password sharing is merely a matter of convenience, not a means of checking up on the other person.
RedRussian8080 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 If you do it, tell her the keys to your manhood will be coming in the mail as well within 2-4 weeks.
Stung Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 My husband has some of my passwords, and I have some of his. Not because we sat down and exchanged them formally, but because we've each asked the other to log in to something for the other at some point. It came up organically and wasn't forced. After we got married/had a kid, I did ask for a list of his passwords and put down a list of mine, and put them together in the safe, in case one of us died and the other needed access. But those were passwords to things like important legal, financial or insurance accounts, not little personal things like Facebook, and I've never actually looked at them. Most of our regular accounts are joint, anyway. I sometimes hear about people asking for passwords when they're trying to reconcile and heal from an affair, that's the kind of situation where I could see total transparency being helpful. You can read about that quite a bit on the Infidelity board.
shadowofman Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Trust is not having to give up passwords. Anyone that asks for your passwords to gain trust will continue to wonder if you have accounts elsewhere. Never give your passwords to anyone.
fitgirl Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 we know some of each others. he was at work and asked me to log in for him. no secrets but no need to exchage em all.
SoleMate Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 I would NEVER suggest trading passwords unless there had already been a breach of trust that needed to be repaired. I consider that expectation unreasonable (unless both people agree and passwords go both ways, in which case, fine by me).
Dust Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 The only reason I would ask for my gf’s password is if I thought she was cheating on me or doing some other thing that would make we want to break up where I thought the proof might be on the account. Like for example if I thought my gf was cheating on me I might say randomly “give me your phone I think you’re cheating I need to look through your txt.” At that point you would have to be pretty sure because it would be pretty insulting to just accuse some one of that for some trivial reason like they went to a concert with their gf and you assumed it was some guy. Better would be to just sneak a look at the phone or hack her fb account if you were really that paranoid. Personally I would only be looking for proof if I truly felt paranoid. If I really felt they were cheating like it was obvious she liked some guy and it seemed like they must be sneaking away together, or I just felt completely distant I would probably just break up with out proof. As for being transparent people need privacy. People need things that are for them. For instance my gf knows I post on a forum but I told her I didn’t want her to know which one or what I write because I wanted it to be anon mouse. Some times I do write on here how I’m upset about lack of sex. I’m lucky if I get it once in a two week span, I’d really rather bet getting it regularly once or more a week. We’ve talked about this stuff in person though and she knows how I feel and that if I lost hope of being sexually satisfied on a regular basis that it would be over. The thing is I wanted a private place to just talk. Nothing I say here is really a secret to her though. I even mention some of the threads on rare occasion. I just don’t want her sitting there and reading my posts. It’s privacy. We each have our own room in the house. We sleep together each night, but we have our own rooms and desks and things. If my gf really needed to get on my fb or see my LS account I would let her. It would be really annoying and disrespectful though and she’d have to make that intrusion on my privacy up for me.
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