iJester Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Don't bother "calling the bluff". Just break up with her. She's going to beg and plead and give you sex back, but honestly, you should just break up with her and cut her off. She's just a manipulative person and you don't want that in wife(if that's what you're looking for). Just imagine what she's going to do to you during the divorce... If you are going to call the bluff, you should do it in a way that gives you your balls back. Tell her that if she's not going to have sex with you, you're going to need to go get it somewhere else, then walk out, and actually go look for some strange. If you're as successful as you say, you are, you will be able to find someone more suitable relatively soon. Don't you want someone that appreciates you? Does this girl really deserve to share in what you bring to the table?
Author youngskywalker Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 I really thank everyone for your replies. I'd comment individually but I don't have the time. When I posted this I had a feeling almost 100% of you would say I need to move on. That is a hard thing to do and I'm afraid to actually take the step. What bothers me the most is this. We've been together for almost 7 months and never had a fight. I explained to you previously that we had a "petty" fight the other day and I admit it was just me being in a bad mood. You want to know what she said to me? "If we were engaged I would have called the whole thing off". To me that is a BIG red flag. It shows to me she isn't able to take on confrontation and work things out. I didn't even do anything! I was just in a pissy mood and later I apologized for it but she hasn't showed the ability to recover from it. We always say "I love you" to each other and the last three times I said it, she didn't say it back. What I thought was a decent relationship has turned out to be a straw man. Here is the thing though. Deep inside I'm willing to work things out. So what is my best move? I can either just break up with her and hope she comes around or take the time and effort to work it out as it is. Problem is this; if I break up with her my experience with other breakups has been I tend to crash really hard. Personally, any break-up I go through I need to go no contact to keep my sanity. I'm not happy being a woman's whipping post. How it happened isn't so important right now. The important thing to realize is I AM her whipping post and what am I going to do about it? I've never broken up with a woman. It scares me. They always break up with me because I stick around come hell or high water. Overall she is a decent girl and has good things about her but I don't think I would be happy to be in a LTR or marriage with her.
iJester Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Wow, you really don't get it. You get it, but you don't get it. You get it when you acknowledge that she's completely unwilling to compromise, but then you somehow think she's magically going to change. After 7 months she's cut you off from sex twice. Just go marry the bitch, if you think she's so worth it. That will fix it, just marry her. I hope I'm still around when it all goes up in smoke.
Author youngskywalker Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 Wow, you really don't get it. You get it, but you don't get it. You get it when you acknowledge that she's completely unwilling to compromise, but then you somehow think she's magically going to change. After 7 months she's cut you off from sex twice. Just go marry the bitch, if you think she's so worth it. That will fix it, just marry her. I hope I'm still around when it all goes up in smoke. Sheesh, why is this whole thing so unanimous with EVERYONE? I'm really going to have a serious sit-down with myself and get my mind strait. It seems I need to get in touch with reality.
Author youngskywalker Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 I know this is painful, but it must be said. Your GF is anorgasmic. She may very well go to the tomb without ever having an orgasm. There many women like that and many have plenty of sex at the onset when they are dating, however sooner or later they stop having sex if they settle on a partner. This is not your fault. If you like sex this is not your relationship. Well, I've been with women who were able to have orgasms and it's bothered me endlessly that my current g/f can't. Let me re-phase that, it's not that she possibly can't... it's that she isn't willing to try new things and explore her sexuality. I always thought this is something that would get better but in 7 months it hasn't. I even bought her a personal massager (which I never gave, but told her I bought it) and she wasn't willing to give it a try. She's just not willing. That fact alone is enough to consider this girl isn't right for me isn't it? Sex is very important to me and I'm a very free person when it comes to sexuality. I fooled myself into thinking that if I tried gently I could get her to change. Apparently I was wrong.
RedRussian8080 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 If you stay for sex she will see you as weak animal who can be manipulated like a toy. Do ALL MEN a faivor and stop messing up our reputation with your weakness and dump the cold witch.
spiderowl Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 To me that is a BIG red flag. It shows to me she isn't able to take on confrontation and work things out. I didn't even do anything! I was just in a pissy mood and later I apologized for it but she hasn't showed the ability to recover from it. We always say "I love you" to each other and the last three times I said it, she didn't say it back. I agree here. It sounds like she is confrontational but doesn't resolve things. I've experienced this before with someone and the ability to discuss things ad resolve them it vital. I didn't know about her being non-orgasmic either. I think this is significant because it means she isn't getting as much from sex as you, despite your efforts. It's not your fault but if she's not getting as much, then she's more likely to drop it when she's feeling fed up. Not sure what you can do here except talk to her about it and find out what she does get out of sex and see if it's something you want to provide more of. She hasn't said "I love you" back recently. That to me would be a big red flag, a sign that something's amiss. It seems that you two both have reservations deep down. She may want commitment but perhaps you are sensing that sex isn't so important to her as it is to you and that if she is on a short fuse and doesn't talk about problems then this is not going to increase your chances in the future. It seems talking is the way forward. You both need to find out what matters to each of you and whether this relationship can provide it for both of you. It does sound as if you've done your best to encourage her to be the partner you feel you need and the result is she's starting to withhold affection so something's wrong for her too. If talking doesn't resolve it, I think it's likely to fall apart by default almost if you both continue in current modes.
LadyFlame Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 God, that's weird. Where do these people pop up from? Maybe she doesn't like having sex with you in particular. You should ask her.
RedRussian8080 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 You have your own issues, glass house remember?
Author youngskywalker Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 You have your own issues, glass house remember? Saying the real reason for her decisions is because she just isn't that into me?
Dust Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Sheesh, why is this whole thing so unanimous with EVERYONE? I'm really going to have a serious sit-down with myself and get my mind strait. It seems I need to get in touch with reality. I actually wrote that I think you can fix it but you should be ready to break up. Really you have to tell her how you feel about things and also be ready to listen and try understand things from her perspective. With myself I suffered similar problems with my gf at about the 6-7 month mark. We had been having a lot of sex. (every day some times more, at a minimum every other day) Then it pretty much stopped for like 2 or 3 months. We were traveling and she used that as an excuse. It bothered but I allowed it. When the traveling was over we got in a routine of sex every week or so but now it feels like its been sex once every 2 weeks if I’m lucky. Frankly I’m pretty tired of it. We’ve been together for going on 3 years and I’m telling her that I’m unsatisfied sexually and unless we can regularly and on a routine basis have sex once preferably more then once a week I’m going dump her. I know she doesn’t get in the mood like I do but she just has to get in a routine and do it even though shes not in the mood if she wants to be with me. So I can tell you that a lack of sex isn’t something you’ll just get over. Also the type of girl who tells you she has to get married to have sex is also the type of girl who will be with holding sex constantly. Me and my gf have actually had sex after some of worst arguments, some of which were about sex. So my point is if she is making you lose all hope then dump her. Don’t lose hope with out fighting for her though. That means telling her you need sex for this to work and that there is no way you will do anything with sex being used as a tool. It also means not turning her into some bad guy and trying to understand and make her feelings important. The sex thing isn’t debatable but other stuff should be.
Dust Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 When your woman is not turn on by you to have sex with you it means you are not meeting her emotional needs. If you meet her needs she will **** your brains out. Women need romance to **** correctly. Not necessarily, I just think my gf isn’t that sexual. She does seem to kind of get into it when we are having it but it’s really hard to get her started. I’m pretty frustrated but not to the point where I want to break up. It feels like a work in progress that could still get better. If I do get to a certain level of sexual frustration or lose hope in her meeting my needs I would dump her. As for meeting her emotional needs I really do see ways I can improve. I try too. Being in a relationship where you’ve lived with some one for years needs care. Working on our relationship doesn’t have to be painful and boring. We both really a lot of the same things for fun so just going to a concert, or playing video games or amusement parks… fun stuff will bring us closer together. Then I feel like it’s a 50/50 thing for me to get her into a sex routine that meets my needs and her to not reject me sexually. If the sex is there it will make everything a lot better. Same goes for if we are emotionally connected it will make everything better. So if she with held sex and I refused to talk or touch her it would go bad real fast. I’m not above dupming her if this doesn’t get fixed though. I’ve been frustrated and I told her. I said all you have to do is start having regular sex with me and that problem is over. If it got real bad and I was very sexually frustrated I said I’d have to leave. Its something I hope doesn’t happen because it would really suck for me, both of us really. For now things are hopeful. I think the fact that I’m willing to leave if it gets bad enough will help it get better. And if it doesn’t I’ll leave. [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]
oaks Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Sheesh, why is this whole thing so unanimous with EVERYONE? I'm really going to have a serious sit-down with myself and get my mind strait. It seems I need to get in touch with reality. Yup. Based on what you've told us you should be walking out yesterday. Of course we don't know how cute she is, or how good the sex was, but objectively it doesn't seem likely to be worth it.
RedRussian8080 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 (edited) Saying the real reason for her decisions is because she just isn't that into me?Bro i will go as far as to say she was never IN to you from the start. She used you for what ever ends she needed you for. She is ends over means bro....be strong! Also bro, first time you drop a girl, it fills you with power and self control and respect like never before, after that you NEVER want lose that, you grow and become strong true Man in a second. Edited July 1, 2011 by RedRussian8080
RedRussian8080 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Whack off over porn.I bet that is what you have been doing lately based on your mug. HA! GO RUSSIA!
Author youngskywalker Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 I actually wrote that I think you can fix it but you should be ready to break up. Really you have to tell her how you feel about things and also be ready to listen and try understand things from her perspective. I'm going over to her house tonight. I plan to talk about things but most likely I'll wimp out. I'd like to think things can be fixed but I don't think they can at this point for two reasons. 1- She's done this in the past and we've talked about it. The first go around was about 2 months into the relationship. I told her in the past I've dated girls who were hot and cold about sex as far as their conscience goes. I made it very clear that she has to make a decision one way or another and I'm not going to do the sea-saw thing. Only a short time later she was ripping my clothes off. This is the third time or so she's done this. I'm sick of it. 2- Even if I explain to her I'm not going to be in a sexless relationship and she gives in... that only says to me she's giving into sex to keep me. Instead of actually having sex because she WANTS to. I don't want to have sex with a girl who doesn't share the feelings of intimacy. Seems to me it's a lose-lose situation at this point. I will still try to talk it out but at the end of the day I don't think I can have faith that she just loves me for me. How will I ever know if she's having sex with me because she simply wants me so bad vs. just doing it enough to keep me around?
RedRussian8080 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 What ever you do do NOT WIMP OUT! Do it today, if you need help write to me bro i will be your brorock bro!
RedRussian8080 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 IT IS A TRAP to talk about it, just say you made a decision, that is it. BE A MAN BE ASSERTIVE for the first time of your life bro.
oaks Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I'm going over to her house tonight. If you've decided that you're going to dump her (and I'm not sure that you have) then you could consider meeting somewhere neutral. Tell her you want to talk to her (which always telegraphs that it's going to be a serious talk and never a fun and exciting one, in my experience). Apart from anything else that probably stops her from distracting you from your mission by ripping off your clothes.
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