aoto Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Hi everyone! This is my first post so as you can tell I broke up and as I tried to cope with what happened I searched the Internet crazily about breakups and ended up here. My girlfriend of 3.5 years just broke up with me because her some events in parents marriage as well as my family's divorce has made her feel a bit insecure about our relationship. She also feels responsible that my life has ended up how it is because of her(not going to college of choice ect). She believes since I have not had an actual girlfriend in the past that I do not know what a good girlfriend is, and that I need time to find out. She has been my best friend these past years and I respect her many reasons for this. And she does not want to feel me to feel like I am stuck in a relationship regretting it years later (or maybe she is talking about herself). She specifically told me that she wanted to do this because never giving it up is part of my character and because of this I would never be able to meet anyone better than her, which she obviously believes. Yet I find it hard to remember what life was like before her and am trying to cope with the loneliness without her. I am sure you have all read this a million times but I really thought she was the one. As I have read the popular or correct way to deal with a relationship is to do No Contact. But I find it hard because she tends to be a bit manic depressive so somedays she is very gloomy/depressive but other days she is really friendly and fun. This is especially hard for me now because I am a bit confused as to whether I should hang out with her or totally ignore her. I also do not know whether or not continuing being friends in an acceptable thing to do; as we have been best friends for these 3.5 years. She has also told me that if I find that I still love after I have dated some other people that she may be willing to start our relationship again. What should I do? Any help would be greatly appreciated. I really miss her
Mr. Savage Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I am totally speculating here but it sounds as if she is making excuses for wanting to get out that dont flat out say "I want out of here". Personally I do not buy the whole "I'm doing this for you" bs. I think she is the one who wants to get out and explore. I think you need to sit down and tell her to be more specific about what she wants. Be nice about it but dont accept any wishy washy answers either. Just my 2 pennies.
Mnesic Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Hi everyone! This is my first post so as you can tell I broke up and as I tried to cope with what happened I searched the Internet crazily about breakups and ended up here. My girlfriend of 3.5 years just broke up with me because her some events in parents marriage as well as my family's divorce has made her feel a bit insecure about our relationship. She also feels responsible that my life has ended up how it is because of her(not going to college of choice ect). She believes since I have not had an actual girlfriend in the past that I do not know what a good girlfriend is, and that I need time to find out. She has been my best friend these past years and I respect her many reasons for this. And she does not want to feel me to feel like I am stuck in a relationship regretting it years later (or maybe she is talking about herself). She specifically told me that she wanted to do this because never giving it up is part of my character and because of this I would never be able to meet anyone better than her, which she obviously believes. Yet I find it hard to remember what life was like before her and am trying to cope with the loneliness without her. I am sure you have all read this a million times but I really thought she was the one. As I have read the popular or correct way to deal with a relationship is to do No Contact. But I find it hard because she tends to be a bit manic depressive so somedays she is very gloomy/depressive but other days she is really friendly and fun. This is especially hard for me now because I am a bit confused as to whether I should hang out with her or totally ignore her. I also do not know whether or not continuing being friends in an acceptable thing to do; as we have been best friends for these 3.5 years. She has also told me that if I find that I still love after I have dated some other people that she may be willing to start our relationship again. What should I do? Any help would be greatly appreciated. I really miss her Hey Aoto! Welcome to love shack forums. OK first off DO NOT BUY into what ever she is trying to feed you. Its all an excuse to leave you, I don't know what here intentions are but I see a lot of break ups like this and usually its GIGS. http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=247013&page=1
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Go No Contact, if you continue a friendship with this girl you will only be feeding HER ego as well as stringing yourself along. Accept that the relationship is over and like other posters have said don't buy into her BS excuse of "I'm doing this for you". She Dumped you, she did this for herself. Her telling you that because she has been your only girlfriend is a load of crap as well, the chances are very small but some people do spend the rest of their lives with their firsts. Go No Contact, grieve, analyse the relationship and pick areas that you would like to improve on, work on yourself, heal, and finally move on. If she comes back great then you get to decide whether you want her back, if not then you will find someone else who is better than your ex.
andyg99 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I am totally speculating here but it sounds as if she is making excuses for wanting to get out that dont flat out say "I want out of here". Personally I do not buy the whole "I'm doing this for you" bs. . bingo... it's like when they say "I'm no good for you" - translated "I'm done with you..."
0hpenelope Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 This break up is about her, not you. You can't handle being friends with her just yet. Give yourself space and time away from her to get over things. People have said that going NC is harder than staying in touch, but the pain is really just the speeding up of the process of disconnecting and really separating yourself from your ex. I say go NC. But if you really want to still be in touch with her then go ahead, you know? When you feel being in contact isn't working anymore, then look up CaliGuy's No Contact thread. the sooner you get the low-down on thus NC thing and the sooner you apply it, the sooner you'll feel better. Good luck to you and I sympathize with your pain.
wilsonx Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 i agree with no contact, i was a wreck for almost 3 weeks trying to keep in contact with my ex. It was just a nightmare and i was rollercoastering all over the place. After I finally locked it down, I saw that my ex was a piece of **** and that our relationship was really bad and its been easier for me to move forward. I will tell you that you can not be friends with her right now, its impossible and theres not one person on this forum that will say otherwise. If you do, you will be hurt like no other, you will have temporary moments of happiness followed by days of wtf am i doing
thelovingkind Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I will also say, no to friends. The time at which you can be friends with an ex is when it does not matter to you one way or another whether you are friends or not. When you have desperate compulsions to be her friend, to still see her, to do things that resemble the things you used to do as a couple, then you know that this has nothing to do with friendship and everything to do with desperately trying to get her back.
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