kevin_1988_smith Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 My girlfriend of a little over five years and I broke up a month ago. We went the first month texting and emailing a lot and did not really miss each other because of it. She started dating another guy a few weeks ago, nothing serious just light fun and I honestly believe her when she told me that. I see it as seriously the "is my ex the one" card that she is playing. She is almost seeing if I am the one by seeing what else is out there; crazy I know but common I hear. I finally emailed her a very heart felt email a week ago that I accepted the breakup and have decided not to be her fall back guy and that I am moving on and stopping the constant contact. It took her three days to text me saying she misses me and still loves me. My goal is to get her back, but I want her to come back on her own that way it will be for good and not me dragging her kicking and screaming. Honestly if we get back together we will get married. I have not given a lot of relationship specifics but trust me that is the case. Do you guys think I should respond to her text about missing me and loving me even though it has not been a long time or should I keep the no contact rule going? It seems to be working... I do not want to play games because I want to marry this girl. She is 24 and recently graduated college and I will graduate next spring. I am in this for the long run and it looks like she might be too once she realizes it; she may realize she is better off without me and that is ok too because she will be happy and the relationship would not have worked out anyways. Do I keep no contact going and make her miss me more or do I respond, break no contact, and speak with her light heartedly?
Mnesic Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 My girlfriend of a little over five years and I broke up a month ago. We went the first month texting and emailing a lot and did not really miss each other because of it. She started dating another guy a few weeks ago, nothing serious just light fun and I honestly believe her when she told me that. I see it as seriously the "is my ex the one" card that she is playing. She is almost seeing if I am the one by seeing what else is out there; crazy I know but common I hear. I finally emailed her a very heart felt email a week ago that I accepted the breakup and have decided not to be her fall back guy and that I am moving on and stopping the constant contact. It took her three days to text me saying she misses me and still loves me. My goal is to get her back, but I want her to come back on her own that way it will be for good and not me dragging her kicking and screaming. Honestly if we get back together we will get married. I have not given a lot of relationship specifics but trust me that is the case. Do you guys think I should respond to her text about missing me and loving me even though it has not been a long time or should I keep the no contact rule going? It seems to be working... I do not want to play games because I want to marry this girl. She is 24 and recently graduated college and I will graduate next spring. I am in this for the long run and it looks like she might be too once she realizes it; she may realize she is better off without me and that is ok too because she will be happy and the relationship would not have worked out anyways. Do I keep no contact going and make her miss me more or do I respond, break no contact, and speak with her light heartedly? I think you should stay very very low contact or no contact at all, She's dumped you and possibly tried to find a better guy , her telling you that she misses you is just checking if your still interested and use you to fall back on.. It could be real feelings but what she did wasn't nice. You don't want to lose her but don't let her walk over you, if she dumped you I think she should have some guilt or punishment.. She went out with other guys and when she returns to you , your going to marry her? To me it seems like she wants a new change since she just finished college it might even be GIGS. http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=247013&page=1 My ex told me she was just going to date this guy and "light fun" , turns out 4 days after they started dating she totally rebounded on him and transferred all her feelings towards me on that guy.. Shes sleeping with him and they say , "I love you." If I take her back I'm going to need something that shows me shes going to stay and not screw me over again.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Stay NC, she is just fishing with that text. if she missed you enough she would attempt recon but she isn't. it's just a text so ignore it and let her miss you more.
Author kevin_1988_smith Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 Honestly we broke up because things had just become too routine. She didn't feel that "head over heels" kind of love anymore like she used to feel. She initiated the break but I also understand/told her that a breakup would be a good idea. We had never broken up and I think she might just be afraid to make the decision if I am the one or not which I understand. We both love each other tremendously and we are what our friends call "perfect to each other and for each other." She needed time to find herself and to find out of I am the one. It makes me mad that she started dating that fast because it will not let her find herself as easy. It is obviously a rebound... That is pretty much how things ended...After I wrote her my email about leaving with no contact and not being her fall back guy she responded by saying that she will always love me and wants the door to be open for us to get back together. I am doing my best to give her space and I have now gone four days without talking to her. Should I keep up hope and allow her to realize that, through her rebound, I am the one for her?
Mnesic Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Honestly we broke up because things had just become too routine. She didn't feel that "head over heels" kind of love anymore like she used to feel. She initiated the break but I also understand/told her that a breakup would be a good idea. We had never broken up and I think she might just be afraid to make the decision if I am the one or not which I understand. We both love each other tremendously and we are what our friends call "perfect to each other and for each other." She needed time to find herself and to find out of I am the one. It makes me mad that she started dating that fast because it will not let her find herself as easy. It is obviously a rebound... That is pretty much how things ended...After I wrote her my email about leaving with no contact and not being her fall back guy she responded by saying that she will always love me and wants the door to be open for us to get back together. I am doing my best to give her space and I have now gone four days without talking to her. Should I keep up hope and allow her to realize that, through her rebound, I am the one for her? Dude that sounds like GIGS, did you check that link? http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=247013&page=1 Her telling you that the door is open is just for you to hang around man, she clearly wants best of both worlds and might even try to make mutual friendship out of it, Get the emotional support from you and go out and have fun with the other guy. Just no sex for you. Best way to get back an EX is to NC her completely because if you stay in the picture while she is dating its not going to help you at all. Check out this link also : http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=199355&page=1
Author kevin_1988_smith Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 Awesome article (the second one)...I totally agree with what they are saying. Wow I'm like in shock right now. I gave her that emotional support the first month and now I am totally going NC. Thank you so much that helped a ton. I really feel like this will force her hand.
Mnesic Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Awesome article (the second one)...I totally agree with what they are saying. Wow I'm like in shock right now. I gave her that emotional support the first month and now I am totally going NC. Thank you so much that helped a ton. I really feel like this will force her hand. Good luck man and don't give in to her lures!
TheHurtProcess Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Honestly we broke up because things had just become too routine. She didn't feel that "head over heels" kind of love anymore like she used to feel. She initiated the break but I also understand/told her that a breakup would be a good idea. We had never broken up and I think she might just be afraid to make the decision if I am the one or not which I understand. We both love each other tremendously and we are what our friends call "perfect to each other and for each other." She needed time to find herself and to find out of I am the one. It makes me mad that she started dating that fast because it will not let her find herself as easy. It is obviously a rebound... That is pretty much how things ended...After I wrote her my email about leaving with no contact and not being her fall back guy she responded by saying that she will always love me and wants the door to be open for us to get back together. I am doing my best to give her space and I have now gone four days without talking to her. Should I keep up hope and allow her to realize that, through her rebound, I am the one for her? I really hate to say it bro, but "too routine" is sort of what commitments are. You settle down and life becomes a routine. She doesn't sound like she's ready for that commitment. I also wouldn't expect her to come back anytime soon. You may think that she might be "testing the waters" so to speak and may come back in a few weeks to a month. But, people who are going through this phase tend to go through it for months to years my friend. Don't get your hopes up. Use NC to heal and perhaps one day when you've both had enough time to heal, you'll be able to make an informed decision without the pain forcing your hand. Then you'll most likely realize that she did this out of pure self-indulgence and most likely want nothing to do with her. That's where I'm at, because we all pretty much have the same story going on. I also don't see how she's leaving the door open for you to get back together while she's already seeing another guy. If she were single, perhaps that would make sense. I seriously think she's just stringing you along. Do yourself a favor and let it go bud. You sound like a great guy and you deserve so much better.
pr0_str3et Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 yeah i like the 2nd article too. I'm going NC with her,its been 4days so far. It did gave me a hope. Hope things would get better soon
superchiefs Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I would advise maintaining no contact and moving on. Last week, I was feeling like you, wondering how no contact could help me get my ex to want me back. However, after you realize that your ex is out exploring, trying to find someone better than you, then hopefully you will also realize that she probably wont come back.
Author kevin_1988_smith Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 Should I be worried that she is in a "rebound?" It is obviously Grass is Greener and a Rebound but it still sucks. I know it's a hard call but it seems like everyone is telling me not to worry and that she may come back in the near future; at least realize she messed up. I can wrap my head around her going through all this crap and I would be willing to forgive her for everything if she was truly sorry and ready to move on down the road. I know most Grass is Greener and rebounds end poorly since she was never over me to begin with and never gave herself time to cope. She is in the denial stage of coping and when she moves on her new relationship will get hit hard. Does that sound logical or am I doing too much wishful thinking?
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Does that sound logical or am I doing too much wishful thinking? I think you are doing a little to much wishful thinking, although your scheme doesn't seem illogical at all. Try not to worry about her, she is no longer your responsibility. also don't beat yourself up with over analysing everything so much, you will only make things harder on yourself.
Author kevin_1988_smith Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 Well I just found out she is sleeping with him so f**k her...That actually made things a lot easier for me because now I'm just pissed at her. I pity her for being so low on life that she had to stoop this low. Peace!
RN2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Wow...I can't even imagine what that must feel like. I am very sorry. At this point you should definitely stay NC....completely! It's one thing to want out of a relationship and move on, but it is another thing when they move on so quickly with someone else. Especially when you two were in a five year relationship!!! She has no respect for you or the relationship at this point!!!
SelfControl Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 This is going to be a tough pill to swallow, so prepare yourself. She didn't just turn off her interest in you one day and two weeks later started seeing someone else. Her interest in you started dwindling a while ago and it finally got to the point where she was ready to do something about it, which was break up with you. Now don't beat yourself up about this. It happens all the time, and to all kinds of guys, good and bad. What you need to do is learn from this. The lesson here is that her interest in you went below 50% a while ago and she has been creating resentments towards you, putting you down and withdrawing from you for a while now in order to get her interest in you down far enough to give her the courage to leave. Let me give you an anology. Let's say your GF has a car and she has driven it for 5 years. She is comfortable with it, it's been dependable, but she has started growing weary of it desipte all of the fun road trips she has taken in it. (Her interest in the car is 60%.) Well, one day she passes a car dealership and sees a newer car, with a GPS, satelite radio, etc. She still hangs on to the current car because she has been with it for so long. (Her interest is now 58%.) Then all of a sudden she gets a flat tire, the A/C conks out, she is now annoyed by the sound the engine makes, and she starts thinking about the new car. (Her interest is now 49%, and the old car is out, but she holds on just a little longer out of loyalty.) Then one day, after she can't stand the old car anymore, perhaps months later, she makes the move to get the new car just like that. (Her interest is now 41%.) The old car never saw it coming. And once she gets the new car, she's not going back to the old car, ever. This is how a woman's mind works. Do you think, at this point, there is anything you can do to convince her that her interest in the old car, 41%, is better than her interest in the new car, 90%? There isn't. That's why you have to move on. The other lesson here is that you need to keep a woman's interest in you above 50%, the tipping point, at all times. There are ways to do this. The main way being to keep the old car in tip top shape, meaning treat her right. Then she wouldn't have even thought about the new car. Now I am not saying you didn't treat her right. I am just saying that it is up to the man to treat the woman right to keep her interested. (The definition of treating her right is too long and complex to go into.) If she is clinically sane, is a flexible-giver, has a good attitude and is secure in who she is and you treat her right, she will stay with the old car, meaning you, forever. If the above doesn't convince you she is not interested in you anymore and you need to move on, let me close with some harsh words....she is with ANOTHER GUY. I repeat...she is with ANOTHER GUY. Why would you even want her back? Have some self-respect! Like I said in the beginning, I know this is tough to swallow, but it is reality. Show some manliness, which means strength, self-control and a backbone by not contacting her anymore. At least she'll respect you for it, and you'll respect yourself. And, if she contacts you, just tell her your date is in the bathroom and you have to go. She'll get the hint. Again, don't beat your self up over this. You are learning. The lessons from this experience will give you confidence when dealing with the next great woman you meet.
EgoJoe Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 (edited) The above by self-control typically applies to WOMEN though. IE Females above the age of 25-28 (depending) and I read something very similar by Doc Love on www.askmen.com . I highly doubt it's EVER. Because I've seen so many people debate men vs women who comes back and I've had girls come back but I'm not old enough to have been with a 100% mature woman who knows who she is and what she wants. Edited July 2, 2011 by EgoJoe TMI
wilsonx Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 The other lesson here is that you need to keep a woman's interest in you above 50%, the tipping point, at all times. There are ways to do this. The main way being to keep the old car in tip top shape, meaning treat her right. Then she wouldn't have even thought about the new car. Now I am not saying you didn't treat her right. I am just saying that it is up to the man to treat the woman right to keep her interested. (The definition of treating her right is too long and complex to go into.) If she is clinically sane, is a flexible-giver, has a good attitude and is secure in who she is and you treat her right, she will stay with the old car, meaning you, forever. . I like this quote... complete opposite of my ex, only i was too far in love with her to see it... **** happens
penguinman77 Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Do you realize how many, wonderful, smart kind and pretty girls there are out there waiting for you, while you spend your precious time agonizing after promiscuous selfish mole ?
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Mnesic Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Well I just found out she is sleeping with him so f**k her...That actually made things a lot easier for me because now I'm just pissed at her. I pity her for being so low on life that she had to stoop this low. Peace! Hey man your situation is exactly like mine.. I broke up like 2 weeks ago and 4 days into dating this guy shes already sleeping with him and exchanging , "I love yous".. It hurts but at this point I'm just trying to better myself and start hitting the gym. 2 Days ago she contacted me first with a call and then a text message, I ignored and deleted right away.. I had to snoop around to find out the truth also and its for the better now , I have no more wishful thinking even though I still think about her.. Hope you do well
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