hooks76 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I WAS DATING THIS LADY FOR 6 MONTHS AND ALL WAS WELL. I THOUGHT. Then one day she tells me her ex is moving back into town. I asked her how she would react n she said she didnt know as he had left a message at her work that he was coming back to win her back. She claimed she didnt have his number. In her phone i found it but under a different name. They used to date last yr untill he moved out of town to go back 4 hrs away to be with his children. he has returned for some reason that i dont know. He is not in employment now, but is drawing unemplyoment check from last yr. So i didnt understand why he moved back to our town with no job, to look for a job. Anyway im hurt. He is now living with her n her kids. It used to upset her last yr when they were dating coz every Friday to Sunday he would be gone out of town to go see his kids and was never around her. So now he is back. She dumped me. I was fixing her car when it broke down. Paid her rent in full this month, yes this month that he is living there.Paid her baby sitters. Bought food etc. Took her for all her custody cases from her ex in court 3 hrs away n held her hand thru them all . The cases were at least every 2 weeks. Im devastated. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHAT IS SPECIAL ABOUT THIS MAN? WHY HAS HE MOVED BACK?
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Sorry to break it to you but you seem to be her rebound man. You can't do anything about her wanting to get back with her ex other than go no contact and move on. I doubt the relationship with her ex will work out because I'm sure the same issues that caused there break up before will arise again. Go No Contact and heal.
Author hooks76 Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 Yes. Im not sure how long they will last. Its only been 2 weeks since he got back. Its still fresh. You can only pretend for so long. In two months you become the real you. You cant fake it forever.
Author hooks76 Posted July 3, 2011 Author Posted July 3, 2011 I saw her today cause we spoke about some clothes I had left at her hse. we agreed she Wud drop em off on the work today. She called me from work n said she didn't Hv time but I cud go get em from her job. When I got there I thot she Wud Hv em in her car. So I called n said I was outside. She Came out of her job with them in a bag. So I was wondering why she had them inside. She works at a restaurant n she opens the restaurant at 7 am n customers don't get there till about 9 am. She wouldn't look at me and actwd soooo distant and cold like we were enemies. I don't understand it. I told her in a text later that we can be civil. I told her she got her new man n I am talkn to someone too. I thanked her for makn me realise as she said, that I needed sum1 more like Me.... Didn't hear back from her. Can someone plzzzzzzzzzz explain all this to Me.
kingofhearts Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 I saw her today cause we spoke about some clothes I had left at her hse. we agreed she Wud drop em off on the work today. She called me from work n said she didn't Hv time but I cud go get em from her job. When I got there I thot she Wud Hv em in her car. So I called n said I was outside. She Came out of her job with them in a bag. So I was wondering why she had them inside. She works at a restaurant n she opens the restaurant at 7 am n customers don't get there till about 9 am. She wouldn't look at me and actwd soooo distant and cold like we were enemies. I don't understand it. I told her in a text later that we can be civil. I told her she got her new man n I am talkn to someone too. I thanked her for makn me realise as she said, that I needed sum1 more like Me.... Didn't hear back from her. Can someone plzzzzzzzzzz explain all this to Me. I agree with phoenix. You're the rebound, man. Go NC and keep it movin. Hate the fact that you came out of all that money and she does this. She has no respect or interest in you, so don't bother anymore. Act cold on this one. They are two dependent peas in a pod. Let them be. At least you only wasted 6 months....
Author hooks76 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 so why does that explain her treating me sooooo cold like I never mattered? I'm still so curious why her ex witth no job would move back into town to live with her. When he left last yr he had his own place. So why would you move back with no job back 4 hrs away to live with ur ex gf???? And she ended us, for him coz????
TheHurtProcess Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 so why does that explain her treating me sooooo cold like I never mattered? I'm still so curious why her ex witth no job would move back into town to live with her. When he left last yr he had his own place. So why would you move back with no job back 4 hrs away to live with ur ex gf???? And she ended us, for him coz???? She obviously still had feelings for him. It sounds to me as if she probably had feelings for him the entire time you were together and she probably thought about him all the time. No offense, but the others are right. You were a rebound. That means she used you to kill the pain of her failed relationship after they had broken up. The truth is, when someone rebounds like that, they never adequately deal with the pain and as a result they never actually heal. Therefore, it was only a matter of time before she either went back to him or broke up with you because what she didn't deal with before would have crept back up on her at some point, most likely killing your relationship. She also probably figured that since she was using you to kill the pain, that she might as well use you all around for money, support and so on. Obviously she didn't want to get too close to you due to fear that her heart would wind up getting broken again or she would wind up breaking your heart. I hope that explanation helps bro. I know it's hard to understand. But you meant absolutely nothing to her. She feels no remorse. She just wants you out of her life and her old life with her old man back. If I were you, I would simply just let go, go no contact and focus on healing yourself. It's over, forever. She's not coming back. She has what she wants now. I'm sorry to say all of this, but it's true and sometimes we need to hear the brutal truth so that we can find the strength and willingness to let go and move on. Good luck my friend.
Author hooks76 Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 This last response above hit me like a thunderbolt and maybe helped me heal. Thank you all. Im shocked to imagine she still had feelings for him. So she was just riding along with me untill maybe he came back? My fault was wanting goals for her n her kids. I think that was abit to much pressure or trying to change her. The other dude apparently never asked anything of her and vice versa. Unequaky yoked comes to mind. Its been less than a month, and i think of her daily n i do miss her, however i dont dwell on it. You will be suprised at how God showed me a lady i had never really noticed, whos sooooo beautiful, fun and so in tune with me. Even though shes in another country and on my facebook, we have hit it off. Im enjoying daily calls and texts and we are both having a great deal of fun. Im also keeping myself pre occupied with that and work. Im going to join a local church and get involved in activities. Im not saying im all that. But if i can pay a womans rent, do homework with her kids, her kids love me to death, her family adores me, i drive her 3 hrs( twice a month) for custody cases in another town and hold her hand, and she still feels im not worth it then i can confidently say " ITS HER LOSS". And im not saying this to make myself feel good. My fellow dumpees....... you are good people, hold your head up high, you will meet the one for you. I will not waste my time on someone who is to blind to see what i did for them. One day, and trust me one day they will remember me and you. One of my girlfriends dumped in 2004 for my best friend. To this date she longs fo rme to come back. I have a feeling this new dude ( her ex who is now her bf again) will get tired of her drama and will also move on. WHAT WILL SHE DO THEN LOVE SHACK?????????????????????????? She will remember me. She told me they only split cause of distance. Word of advice. NEVER DATE OR MARRY A WOMAN/MAN WHO ISNT YET OVER HER/HIS EX CAUSE OF DISTANCE. I was married previously and my wife longed for her ex who went to live in the U.K. I would find his photos in her bag , her car etc. Im tired of datingw omen who love other men or who are not over their exes. Its dangerous. Im going to seek a girl who loves me. An Indian friend of mine gave me the best advice. " You people in America marry people you love. We in India marry people who love us......." Think about it. I hope this helps someone.
Chi townD Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Sorry for the rebound you experienced but, lessons learned. Now you are free to find a girl that WANTS you and not someone that NEEDS you. One day, she's gonna realize that she threw away a really special guy, and she will try to contact you. It's up to you to find the will power NOT TO RESPOND!
TheHurtProcess Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 You seem to be handling this situation much better than I thought you would. Most people would have read my previous comment and would have probably blown it off because they were still in denial. I sure wish you the best of luck with the life you have ahead of you. You seem to be healing rather well for someone who just had their heart ripped out and stomped on. I commend thee.
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