Clubman35 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 How long should I wait before I give her an ultimatum? She's been gone for 3 weeks and this is a total load of crap. She's pretty much dumped all household responsibilities on me.... son, pets, groceries, etc. She walked out on us and was staying at a rental house that she has since decided on not signing a lease for. Instead, she's planning on staying with a girlfriend of hers.... she says that she's doing it so she can help me out with money. She still agrees to go to marriage counseling (should have our first appointment in about a week or so..... long story), even though I have "gone off" on her several times since she's left. My sister says to leave her alone & give her some space. That by calling or texting her, I'm probably just p*ssing her off and driving her away. She say's to just ignore her and wait for her to make the next move. I'm just getting tired of this waiting around, although if I lay down an ultimatum, I'm not sure if I could really back it up! Would I just make her more angry and possible destroy any chance of her going to MC with me. I'm going crazy.... please talk me down.
scaredandalone1223 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 In your case I'm about to say the exact OPPOSITE of what I just said to someone else. I haven't read through all your threads but I have read some. First and foremost her leaving her son is completely unacceptable in my book by any stretch. You need to make sure to document everything in relation to when she sees him, for how long, etc. to have a record if you enter a custody battle. If you really want things to work out I say ask her to sit down ONE time and one time ONLY. Tell her what you expect out of her as a mother, write something out about visitation, etc and have her sign it. Make sure she knows that failing to step up to the plate will result in consequences should you divorce. Let her know what you expect as far as contact with her long lost friend. If you are wanting to work on the marriage let her know that but let her know pulling a new attachment into the picture will NOT help either one of you make a decision. Give her a time frame. I feel a few weeks is adequate time. Keep the counseling appts. and let her know until that point, aside from your son you and she will have NC. Do don't call or text often, do not give her hell, lay out what is what and WAIT. You can't make the decision for her. If she wants someone else she is in a fog now and the further you push the further away she'll go. IF during this time she starts to open up, want to communicate, then you can reciprocate but do not initiate. And do not do it if you feel you're going to be angry. If you find yourself getting angry or arguing end the conversation and once ask to resume later after emotions have calmed down. At the end of the time frame sit down again and let her know it's now or never. You will NOT live your life in limbo nor will you put your son through that. I firmly believe communication is key but there has to most times be some sort of cooling off period. Some time for each party to reflect without the other driving the situation. Keep your counseling appt. and anything you think of before then that you feel is an important issue make sure to write it down so you do not forget it when you get in front of the counselor. I'm all for trying to save a marriage. They take work. But a mother who walks out on their child gets zero respect from me...ZERO!
Seasick Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Going through the same thing with husband who just left me with 3 kids. He is coming and spending time with kids while I'm at work but he is also talking to them about how this is mom's fault. Wtf? I wrote him a long text tonight about how unfair that was to talk to the kids about me. He ignored me.
LifeLongLearner Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Hey scaredandalone1223, how can I send you a private message? I am new here thanks
LifeLongLearner Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 I am in no place to give advice, my husband is leaving me and our two children and we're expecting a third child in august! But I do think you need to let her know you care... and give her space. She does seem pretty irresponsible just leaving like that especially with a child involved.
Recommended Posts