Country_Girl Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Just wondering your thoughts on sex with a new partner, how early is "too early", and does that usually equate to a crash and burn relationship. I've only been seeing this guy a week, but we've spent a lot of time together. Our first date he took me out for lunch before I had to work, then wanted to get together for coffee that night when my shift ended. The next day he visited me on my lunch break, then we hung out for drinks at the local pub later that night. Yesterday we split a margarita, went for an hour drive to take his friend to the airport, drove back to his place, made out on his couch for an hour, then met up with some of his friends at a local bar/restaurant. I really like to get to know someone a lot better before anything progresses, but we have some mad sexual chemistry going on. We haven't had an exclusive talk, but I don't feel the need to- as I can tell he is very smitten with me. The night we first met (before our date) we had talked about going downtown to a gay country bar, and yesterday on the way to the airport I brought it up because my gay co-worker wants to go sometime and he was like "no we don't need to go there, because I met you and you met me". He's a really nice guy and I can tell he's a "one" woman kind of man. He lives right by my work, and that's about 40 minutes from my place. We talked about me staying over last night but mutually agreed it was probably too soon. Not that we were going to have sex, but we have a hard time keeping our hands off each other. But tomorrow I work till late at night and then open really early in the morning, so he suggested I stay over that night. The possibility of sex was brought up and he said it doesn't have to happen if I don't want it to. He respects me when making out, and when things are going too far for my comfort, all I have to do is move his hand and he gets it, he'll ask if that "means no" and not press any further. Thing is, I am soooo attracted to him, I would love to sleep with him, I have never come across chemistry like this before. The only thing that keeps me from progressing further is I know the dynamics will change after sex, and I'm worried about that. I don't want to crash and burn later. Anyone ever been in a relationship like this, some crazy attraction going on? Did it work out for you? I'm thinking right now I'll stay the night but maybe "use other forms" to relieve the tension for him, and not have sex. I like what we have going and don't want to kill it too early.
Jynxx Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Crazy sexual attraction does happen. And if you have sex it will go away over time. And if you don't have sex it will also go away over time. If it feels good, just do it. He's not gonna run away after sex, and even if he was then he would've waited a couple weeks till you had sex anyway before running away. In other words, no need to torture yourselves by holding out. Enjoy;)
LittleTiger Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I'm going to give you completely the opposite advice to what Jynxx has just said. If you think the relationship may have a future, you shouldn't have sex until you've agreed you're exclusive. People place more value on things that take a bit of effort to attain. Sure, some relationships do last after early sex (even first date sex) but you're increasing your odds by waiting until you know for sure that he's emotionally involved. You're a woman so you'll be emotionally involved as soon as you get intimate with him. He's a man - for him the same level of emotional involvement is likely to take a little longer. If you're not concerned about a long term commitment - then go for it!
Dust Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Even as a man I think its good to wait as long as you can. Usually for me that’s about 3 dates or less especially if the girl is giving me the signals. (anything is a signal just agreeing to date me)
Author Country_Girl Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 You guys are right, and I think I already knew it, and had to be told- hence why I posted the thread. And you know, we are comfortable talking about sex, and we have agreed that even though our time spent together is "frustrating" we both do enjoy the anticipation of it all. I don't see the attraction disappearing if we don't have sex, if anything, it makes things more intense. And we were talking about past relationships last night when he drove me home, and how relationships progress & people just get comfortable with each other & stop doing the things they used to do for each other to keep that attraction going. So, it's nice to know we are both on the same page on that, that we both don't really fall into that category. These are the early fun stages of getting to know someone, I certainly don't want to rush it, it keeps things exciting. So, I appreciate you guys taking the time to reply to my thread and make me realize there really is no race to the finish line.
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