aquiscies Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 First, I should give a brief history: my boyfriend and I were together 9-years and had our son after the first four years (he is now five). Last April, my boyfriend was arrested & charged with attempt burglary 3rd degree first offense, and he is now serving 2.5 years for these charges. Him and I had a bad relationship towards the end: he was always yelling, never home, putting holes in our apartment walls/doors etc. His "so called" best friend and I started spending time together after my boyfriend asked him to watch over me while he was locked up. We ending up sleeping together, his friend and I, on three different occasions. Other then these three times, I had been 100% faithful to him for the previous nine years Then in August of last year, his friend was arrested for different charge and sentenced to four years in jail. After serving the past fews months in Douglas, AZ , I found out yesterday that they had moved his friend to his unit in Safford, AZ. I don't think his friend will tell him what happened, but I am concerned because I have been corresponding with him through mail. What is your advice? other then the fact that I obviously have made bad choices.
Forever Learning Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 (edited) I should start by saying I am very thankful that this website gives me the opportunity to share some of my life experiences with others and maybe save them from some grief down the road. Then again, you might choose to ignore my advice and have to learn the hard way. That's ok. That's how I learned most everything I know. And that's ok. There really are no mistakes in life, just experiences, choices and consequences. Often known as 'karma'. Ok - so here is my experience. I was with a loser for 15 years, we had kids together. He too was in trouble with the law and served time in prison. I was faithful to him while he was in prison, he was there a year. Looking back, I wish I had used his time in prison as an opportunity to leave his sorry ass. Believe me, it is your golden opportunity girl. 2 1/2 years is WAY TOO LONG TO WAIT for this guy. He might get out and turn around and go right back in 6 months later for something else stupid. What a waste of time and life for you. Besides, the fact that he is even in prison shows he has big problems. You don't need this man in your life. Yes, he can still be a part of your son's life (and pay child support, which by the way, you need to file for RIGHT NOW and let it start accumulating on his record for him to start paying when he gets out and someday gets a job). Ok so now to the specifics of your situation with the infidelity. I know this is the part you need to understand clearly. This is a no - win situation. Here's the choices: If you tell him you were unfaithful then he might end the relationship. Being that he is in prison, what will likely happen is he will give you lots of drama on the phone for a few weeks with rants and hateful speech. He'll end it with you. Then later after a couple weeks he'll call back (all collect calls of course or via letter) to make up, say he forgives you, and wants everything back to how it was. This is all just because he wants to have a place to go when he gets out of jail (your place). DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE HIS DESPERATION TO HAVE A PLACE TO GO WHEN HE GETS OUT, along with wanting to keep you as his pen pal / telephone pal to help him kill time and of course, because you have a child together, he will want to continue to have a relationship with you to have access to his child. Plus he won't want you to move on because he won't want you to file for child support. Ok so then on the other hand: If you don't tell him you were unfaithful then you have to worry about him finding out in the future (he will find out, guaranteed. And believe me that will REALLY SUCK, too - especially depending on the timing of when he finds out, it always happens at the WORST possible time and there is LOTS of drama, revenge and abuse/ violence involved. Especially since you slept with his friend. His pride will be crushed). So imagine looking over your shoulder for years wondering when the secret will come out. I promise you, that is NO WAY TO LIVE. It is a nightmare, really. A scary one too. I am pretty sure your guy has anger control issues, you said he punched holes in walls, etc. So did the loser I stayed with for 15 years. It's a personality type. They are losers. Mine still acts this way, and he is now in his mid-forties. He never matured much. And he is still dishonest, and a liar. I thought I could change him. That is the single biggest mistake we women make. Don't waste 15 years with this jerk like I did. I advise you to take this time to move on with your life. Easier said than done. Lean on your family and friends, find women's support groups, read on the internet self-help and self-esteem building articles, websites, anything you can to expand your world and your horizons in life, and to realize, you don't need this situation of waiting around for this guy to get out of prison. You need to move on, and find the most stable and safe situation for yourself and your child. Read all you can around here, it is a great part of the process of awakening yourself to the opportunites in life along with learning about the problems that arise when you cheat on your partner. Don't beat yourself up, you are only human. We all make mistakes, and lots of them. All the best to you and take advantage of your opportunity to get away from this guy. Edited July 1, 2011 by Forever Learning
alexlakeman Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 You slept with a low life who got arrested.Then you slept with another low life , who was "friends" with low life #1...Then low life #2, got arrested also... Where's the problem? Move on....Can you date, or see any guys that are not criminals, college educated, career minded, not career criminals, etc?
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