Marie20 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Hi, I have never really ask for advise like this before but I was wondering if someone could give me some advise? To make a long story short my ex b/f who I was with for 3 1/2 years and lived with was cheating on my with a stripper and calling phone sex lines constintly. He was also very abusive mentaly, physicaly and emotionaly. For months he denied even going to the strip club but I ended up finding the phone number in his phone under Zachareys which is a strip club. I ended up leaving him when I caught him in bed with at towel in one hand the phone in the other and he was talking to a girl from a phone sex line. So lets just say from the start of my new relationship I have had many obsticles to overcome and have had trust issues. I have been with my current b/f for 4 years and we have lived together for 3 1/2. He is going to his buddies bachelor party next weekend and they are going paintballing then bar hopping then a cookout and one of the kids parents house that has a pool and then most likely getting strippers at the kids parents house. Which makes me sick to my stomach. I do trust him that he would never cheat on me BUT I do not trust certain situation when temptation is there. He has done some things in the past when drinking that I do not agree with like grabbing random girls ass when I was right there with him and he thinks its okay because it was a joke. I freaked out and made a big deal about it because I feel that is SO disrespectful. Anyways I was wondering if someone could help me not dwell on the bachelor party and to try and get over it. I have just heard so many stories that happen at bachelor partys that it makes me so gorssed out. What really happens??? Do the strippers have a body guard there with them?? It just makes my blood boil the thought of him looking, touching, thinking about a dirty b*tch that is selling her body for money. The other thing that bothers me is the money that he will be spending on the strippers. Please Help Link to post Share on other sites
golightly Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I completely understand you being upset. We all feel threatened in situations like this. And you were right.. him grabbing another girl's ass is completely out of order!! Not at all funny!! Does he know about your ex? Does he realise that you've had bad experiences involving strippers in the past? If you spoke to him he might be able to alley your fears. Any guy worth their salt would take the time to reassure you. My ex used to play rugby and they regularly had strippers over.. I hated the idea at first because I couldnt bear the thought of him getting all turned on by another girl;s body. The thing is... would you find it sexy to look at some cliche stranger? SOme oiled up guy you didn't know?? Cus I wouldnt... and I think most humans find it sexier to be with someone they know... If you are worried and talking to him doesn't help , then maybe you need to do some reeeeally sexy stuff... maybe you could set up a night where you act as a stripper.. so any future references to strippers just congure up sexy memories involving you?? Apparantly, a huge amount of strippers are average looking, cheap looking women and men don't find them that appealing.. its just a jokey guy thing that makes them feel masculine. If your boyfriend really loves you it's because of your personality and all the lovely memories you have and no stupid cheap stripper will take that away from you... Hope that helps!! Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 The guys was certainly a jerk for grabbing someone's ass especially in your presence but he should not be thought guilty of anyone else's sins. Apparently he is going to this thing and you can't influence him otherwise. So, try to control the only thing you can, your preoccupation with it. I have gone to bachelor parties and a few got raunchy but I was totally turned off by what I saw at the raunchiest one. But the furthest I ever went was to tip a dancer that was doing a good job at what she did. So you can't say that every guy is exactly alike in that regard. Try to just see this as a hopefully one or two time thing that you can't control and hope that you guy earns respect from you in every other way. That mistake he made didn't hep though. Good luck and hang tight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marie20 Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 Hi, Yes, he is aware of my ex not but I didnt go into full detail about everything that happened because he would probably end up killing him. But he does know that I dont like strippers. In fact he has told me and his friends told me that he doesnt like going to strip clubs. BUT I think every guy likes to go and maybe he is just saying that to make me feel better? I know that he loves me and I understand that it is a bachelor party and all which is fine. The thing that bothers me the most is if they get strippers at the house I hear horry stories of things that happen. he can be a little out of control when he drinks and if he is drinking all day than it makes me worry more because alchole and strippers I feel like do not mix well together. I am a very insecure person and I jelouse and I know that is something that I need to work on. I have come a very long way sense my ex with the jelousy. Its almost like I tourcher myself and cant stop thinking about what will happen and I put images in my head that never even happened. I just dont trust women and temtations. Thank you for your post it did make me feel better! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts