TurningTables Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Hi all. Well..My two/almost three weeks of NC victory was short lived and its all my fault that Im back to square one. My sister and my nieces have a tradition of going out/girls night out for all of our birthdays. Well, they wanted to go to a place/bar where my xMM hangs out every Friday night. I knew I had to send a quick email to him and let him know Id be there. I was afraid he would approach me and I didnt know how I would react. ( I would probably burst out into tears) Plus, the way I left things with him was never texting him back and just went to NC without any word of what I was about to do. I included some odd things that I needed to say to him. This was three days ago. No answer. So, stupid me, thinking he dosent check his email every day, text messaged him because tomorrow is Friday, and still...no answer. I feel stupid. I thought he would have something to say back to me after so many years of friendship and such. Boy, I guess I was wrong. I guess there wasent alot he forgot to tell me. Just another sad ending to a sad sad story to add here on LS. Should have known better.....:sick:
Silly_Girl Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 TT, what did you think would happen? What were you HOPING for? If you are genuinely distraught at the thought of seeing him, might you have to be 'ill' and not go?
2sure Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 If you know that he is there every friday night and have concern about your reaction to seeing him.... Why on earth not just tell the other ladies that you want to avoid someone and go somewhere else???
reboot Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Why on earth not just tell the other ladies that you want to avoid someone and go somewhere else??? Then she wouldn't have had an excuse to break NC, duh? 1
26pointblue Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I'm sorry TurningTables, I know this must feel awful. But on a positive note, it's another reason to stick to NC from now on. Honestly every time I went NC my xMm broke it. I finally cut off all ways for him to contact me except for calling me at work or showing up at my work or house . . . which I had no control over, & sometimes I would wait for him to try those routes & be sad that he didn't! So I get wanting to be done with something but still having those 'what ifs' & 'well maybes' & other feelings that you cling onto . . . I think it's normal, I think it's part of letting go of any relationship, especially such a convoluted one. But it's the action that counts. Several times I refrained from contacting xMM because I was afraid he wouldn't respond! So I know exactly how you feel because if I had contacted him & he didn't respond I would have felt so rejected & lonely & sad. So for me it was an impetus not to contact me . . . I'm pretty sure he would have responded, but not totally sure. On the other hand, I guess it would have given me closure, like he is finally done . . . so that's another positive thing that comes out of your situation as well. Just think positively & look at this as closure. Put it in the past & move on & do anything to avoid any contact with him at all. Go to all measures not to see him, like he's a drug that's bad for you. I know it's hard but you will get there. :-) Good luck.
chalkfarm Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I hate the sound of all those fingers wagging when you need a bit of sympathy. You got hurt AGAIN by sending the message - I see it. I get it. And you know what? You will be okay. YOU WILL BE OKAY! Tomorrow is a new day. And a day with a group of great gals! Yeah!! Don't let everyone's "coulda, woulda, shouldas" affect you. I have no doubt that your hindsight is a perfect 20/20. Go out and have a wonderful time! In fact, have the most expensive, delicious, artery clogging, butt increasing dessert on me! You will be in my thoughts. Much love to you!
Author TurningTables Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 Thank you to all (chalkfarm,26pointblue,SG,Melissa,2sure, reboot) that responded! What you guys have said to me is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. ((HUGS)) I did try to change the venue. They wouldnt budge.That would also be my fault because Im the one that introduced them to the fabulous place via my xMM. If I tried to fake ill, my niece would be devasted. Besides my children, she is my heart and soul. Yes, I was expecting something back. Anything back. That is why I was calling myself stupid for breaking NC. I should have held my pride and held my head high and just gone with it, because IM the one who started NC with HIM after he kept contacting me. Guess what? That is exactly what IM going to do tomorrow night....(see below) **Drinks on me** lol
whichwayisup Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 You will be fine. Go and be there with your niece, have fun. If he approaches you (though I doubt he'll have the balls to with your family and friends there) you just shake your head and turn away, ignore him. Don't let this upset you too much.. Again, you're gonna be fine. Go back to NC and put him out of your mind, or try your best to.
Emme Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Give yourself more credit than that. Instead of acknowledging the break of NC be proud of what you have accomplished. TT, use that super woman voice you have and get your butt back in the boat. Row your ass off and don't think about falling out. That's all you have to do. Think positive, stay positive. And please no more degrading words.
Author TurningTables Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 WWIU,SIT and Emme...You guys brought tears to my eyes. Thank you. I hope that someday when all this is behind me, that I am much of a help to someone as you ALL at LS has been to me. Enough is enough..and Im not looking back from this day forward and Im gonna find my way outta this. :bunny::bunny:
Tenacity Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 TT, I just did the same thing, and I took everyone's advice to just keep on keepin' on... and don't let it derail you! You are stronger than you know for initiating the NC and sticking to it as long as you did. Don't beat yourself up for a slight curve in the road. Go there for drinks and if he approaches you, make it clear that you want nothing to do with it! Just like with me, the response (or lack thereof) that you received should serve as additional motivation and strength to keep on doing the right thing for YOU!
Author TurningTables Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 TT, I just did the same thing, and I took everyone's advice to just keep on keepin' on... and don't let it derail you! You are stronger than you know for initiating the NC and sticking to it as long as you did. Don't beat yourself up for a slight curve in the road. Go there for drinks and if he approaches you, make it clear that you want nothing to do with it! Just like with me, the response (or lack thereof) that you received should serve as additional motivation and strength to keep on doing the right thing for YOU! Hi Tenacity! Thank you for your kind words. I was upset at myself earlier and now Im just mad. Oh and guess what? I got an email from him tonight, asking if I was ok. What the frig? He is living in delusional land if he thinks Im going to email him back.
Silly_Girl Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Hi Tenacity! Thank you for your kind words. I was upset at myself earlier and now Im just mad. Oh and guess what? I got an email from him tonight, asking if I was ok. What the frig? He is living in delusional land if he thinks Im going to email him back. Looks as though you got what you wanted - his attention. Now for the come-down. That void will return bigger and more painful. The urge to contact him will be far greater. Be prepared!
MissBee Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 If you know that he is there every friday night and have concern about your reaction to seeing him.... Why on earth not just tell the other ladies that you want to avoid someone and go somewhere else??? My suggestion too..even if you don't want to say you're avoiding someone, you could just say you'd like to try a new restaurant/bar.
Author TurningTables Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 Looks as though you got what you wanted - his attention. Now for the come-down. That void will return bigger and more painful. The urge to contact him will be far greater. Be prepared! HI SG. Yes, I wanted his attention. I more or so was looking for closure or something after everything. I was expecting something along the lines like..Youre a great friend..thanks..something that speaks of our years and years of friendship. It made me mad when it didnt come. It made me feel like I meant nothing. I dont know..maybe I dont/didnt. Then when his attention did come, he emailed me, saying he got my text, asking me if i was ok? CMON! I realized if he was that concerned or cared at all, he would have texted me back right then and there. Which makes me sick to my stomach. Ive figured out some things last night and some stuff is coming together that is making sense. I think he had a DDay with his wife.Ive got a feeling she confronted him about all the text messages/cell phone bill. The worst of this is that he lied to me about it. ( I know, I know, Ive heard time and time again, they lie) I know after the anger subsides, the pain is gonna come again. But Im going to remember how I felt yesterday and Im not going back. Its over and like I said earlier, Im not looking back.Ive had enough. Thanks for the advice.
Author TurningTables Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 My suggestion too..even if you don't want to say you're avoiding someone, you could just say you'd like to try a new restaurant/bar. MissBee..Trust me I did try. It dosent matter now. Ive had enough and Im done for good. He used to be my best friend and we used to be upfront and honest always. Now that I have figured out the lies have begun, I cannot do it. It makes our whole friendship look sordid and ugly. Im going to go tonight and if he is there, its gonna be ok. If he approaches me,(which he probably will, after I leave) Im gonna tell him to leave me alone, its over and if he dosent get it, I will have a nice conversation with his W and let all of his s*** bare. PS> Thanks for the advice.
Silly_Girl Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 HI SG. Yes, I wanted his attention. I more or so was looking for closure or something after everything. I was expecting something along the lines like..Youre a great friend..thanks..something that speaks of our years and years of friendship. It made me mad when it didnt come. It made me feel like I meant nothing. I dont know..maybe I dont/didnt. Then when his attention did come, he emailed me, saying he got my text, asking me if i was ok? CMON! I realized if he was that concerned or cared at all, he would have texted me back right then and there. Which makes me sick to my stomach. Ive figured out some things last night and some stuff is coming together that is making sense. I think he had a DDay with his wife.Ive got a feeling she confronted him about all the text messages/cell phone bill. The worst of this is that he lied to me about it. ( I know, I know, Ive heard time and time again, they lie) I know after the anger subsides, the pain is gonna come again. But Im going to remember how I felt yesterday and Im not going back. Its over and like I said earlier, Im not looking back.Ive had enough. Thanks for the advice. One of the biggest challenges is accepting (not acknowledging, accepting) that what's going on with them is not your concern. I don't mean that in a 'Mind Your Own' kind of a way. I mean it's a hard habit to break, but it's vital for your healing to let that stuff go. Things will pop into your head weeks, months, maybe even a movie in 5 years time might make you think 'Uh - I think that explains why he behaved XYZ'. I hope not, but the sooner you can start to push that stuff away, the better. I know it's early days.
MissBee Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 MissBee..Trust me I did try. It dosent matter now. Ive had enough and Im done for good. He used to be my best friend and we used to be upfront and honest always. Now that I have figured out the lies have begun, I cannot do it. It makes our whole friendship look sordid and ugly. Im going to go tonight and if he is there, its gonna be ok. If he approaches me,(which he probably will, after I leave) Im gonna tell him to leave me alone, its over and if he dosent get it, I will have a nice conversation with his W and let all of his s*** bare. PS> Thanks for the advice. Good for you! Have fun tonight
fooled once Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 I hate the sound of all those fingers wagging when you need a bit of sympathy. You got hurt AGAIN by sending the message - I see it. I get it. And you know what? You will be okay. YOU WILL BE OKAY! Tomorrow is a new day. And a day with a group of great gals! Yeah!! Don't let everyone's "coulda, woulda, shouldas" affect you. I have no doubt that your hindsight is a perfect 20/20. Go out and have a wonderful time! In fact, have the most expensive, delicious, artery clogging, butt increasing dessert on me! You will be in my thoughts. Much love to you! Ditto Chalk. You did what you did; can't turn back the clock, ya know. And you know what, so what. So what if you wanted his attention. Heck, there are plenty of OW who do whatever they can to get the MM's attention. You learned something and it will be something you can use to soothe yourself with next time you get the 'urge' to contact him. HE ISN'T WORTH IT. Very few are. Very few OW 'get it' and very few don't end up broken-hearted and hurting. You will be fine. Go and be there with your niece, have fun. If he approaches you (though I doubt he'll have the balls to with your family and friends there) you just shake your head and turn away, ignore him. Don't let this upset you too much.. Again, you're gonna be fine. Go back to NC and put him out of your mind, or try your best to. DITTO DITTO DITTO!! Well, I see it like this. This incident gave you the opportunity for even more clarity. That's a good thing right? So take it for what it is and go out and have a good time. Excellent! I hope you had fun tonight and I hope you didn't let his possible attendance at the place put a damper on your time. You shouldn't have to re-arrange YOUR life because he is an asshat You have so much out there to look forward to and just be glad you won't be sitting by the phone waiting for a call/text/email anymore! Celebrate that you are no longer stuck with a MM. Celebrate that you are on a new journey. Celebrate YOUR independence from him! Hope the celebrations were great!
Author TurningTables Posted July 3, 2011 Author Posted July 3, 2011 Ditto Chalk. You did what you did; can't turn back the clock, ya know. And you know what, so what. So what if you wanted his attention. Heck, there are plenty of OW who do whatever they can to get the MM's attention. You learned something and it will be something you can use to soothe yourself with next time you get the 'urge' to contact him. HE ISN'T WORTH IT. Very few are. Very few OW 'get it' and very few don't end up broken-hearted and hurting. DITTO DITTO DITTO!! Excellent! I hope you had fun tonight and I hope you didn't let his possible attendance at the place put a damper on your time. You shouldn't have to re-arrange YOUR life because he is an asshat You have so much out there to look forward to and just be glad you won't be sitting by the phone waiting for a call/text/email anymore! Celebrate that you are no longer stuck with a MM. Celebrate that you are on a new journey. Celebrate YOUR independence from him! Hope the celebrations were great! Miss Bee: Thank you. FO: Thank you too. I am going down my new road. I just hope that it wont be like Route 66. Long and Dusty! LOL *hugs*
fooled once Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Hey, even if it is long and dusty, it is YOUR journey to travel and what you get out of it is what you put into it. I have no doubt in my mind that you will come through this stronger, more confident, more aware and most importantly, smarter. You will learn about you, your needs, your non-negotiables and what you will never tolerate again. I wish you much success on this part of your life; I know you will do great. Know how I know that? Because you owned your actions, you took responsibility for your part in hurting another and because you in no way glorify being a mistress. You also want better for yourself and more for yourself. Best of luck!!
Author TurningTables Posted July 3, 2011 Author Posted July 3, 2011 Hey, even if it is long and dusty, it is YOUR journey to travel and what you get out of it is what you put into it. I have no doubt in my mind that you will come through this stronger, more confident, more aware and most importantly, smarter. You will learn about you, your needs, your non-negotiables and what you will never tolerate again. I wish you much success on this part of your life; I know you will do great. Know how I know that? Because you owned your actions, you took responsibility for your part in hurting another and because you in no way glorify being a mistress. You also want better for yourself and more for yourself. Best of luck!! FO: Your words brought me alot of comfort. These past couple of days have been so very painful. I know it was brought on by something I had done. That wound had formed a small scab over it and I ripped it off and now its been bleeding for days. He contacted me again and I tried to say goodbye. It turned things into him saying stuff about pressure and expecting more from me. Things got ugly and I said things to him that no one deserves to hear, not even him. I apologized and when I was finally alone tonight, I cried. I realized this whole thing is bringing the worst out in me and Im not this person that is nasty, demanding and mean. I dont know how I ended up here really. So today is July 3. Day 1 of NC. Again.
Recommended Posts