italianguy86 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 ok heres my story i need some help and i dont really have anyone i can really talk about something serious. My ex and I we dated for 6 years we had a break up a few years back for about 6 months which was my fault because i didnt know what i wanted then and we worked things out got back together about a year ago she broke up with me telling me she was unhappy we bought a house together, went on vacations gave her everything. she got a new job and met some guy and told me they were just friends well about a month after her meeting him she broke up with me moved out and dated him ( but for about a year living together i did spend alot of time with my friends and not her ) anyway to make a long story short a month ago after a year went by of being apart she texted me saying she wanted to hang out i was iffy about it but did it and it went great. we hung out more and more spent a few nights at eachothers place... we even have a vacation planed for a getaway to vegas in august for a few days to see how we do by our self with no one buging us and something to get away. shes told me over the past year she dated a total of 2 guys and about a month and half she broke up with her ex becuase she thought about me alot but still talks to him. she told me if things work out between us she would stop talking to him but for now there just friends. my issue is that i seen some of her text messages they have between eachother and it talks about sexual stuff still while shes seeing me and working things out were also not together tho. its just really bothering me but she dosnt know i seen the msgs she left her phone at my house last night when she went to work her alarm went off on it and i was curious so i went threw it just becasue of trust issues when she left me after everything we had for 6 yrs. i dont know how to bring it up to her or if i should. should i tell her i want her to stop talking to him and why... she knows how i feel and she tells me how she feels but when i see these messages i dont know what to do. i love her alot and i dont wanna seem like a controlling person im trying hard not to be and basically i dont want to get hurt it hurt long enough when she left i dont wanna be put in the position again but i also dont want her to think im controlling and push her away either... please help thanks!
iceweasel6 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I hate to say this, but you do know you invaded her privacy at the expense of gaining that knowledge? You have several choices - I hope one of them includes telling her you violated her privacy and looked at her phone.
Peagle87 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Oh man i dont have too much to contribute other than good on you for restraining. I may have lost my ex due to my inability to control myself
wilsonx Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 (edited) I hate to say this, but you do know you invaded her privacy at the expense of gaining that knowledge? You have several choices - I hope one of them includes telling her you violated her privacy and looked at her phone. i dont know how i feel about this. this is a 50-50 coinflip if it was ok or not. if you catch her in a bold face lie with invading her privacy like i did with my ex over a year ago, then you can absolutely bring it up and crush her into the ground with it. you know what i got the same privacy bull**** talk from all my friends too but you know what, when she treats you poorly be mean and nasty to her. I believed I was right, I did not justify my actions to anyone and guess what that solved that problem early on in the relationship. this wasnt a little lie, this was a lie where a guy asked her if she could come down and spend the night with her because he was travelling through the state, but she told me that she had to get up early for school so she couldnt hang out that night If theres nothing there, then stop looking at her phone you can not tell someone who they can or can not hang out with. if you are not comfortable with them hanging out with someone then end the relationship and move on. this was my biggest problem in my last relationship, i did not trust her towards the end and my instincts were spot on only for me to get dumped. but another lesson i learned is you have to trust your significant other to do the right thing. in your case i think its impossible for what happened to you so its probably best to nix that relationship and find someone better. Women dont like vacations, gifts, etc etc as much as you think, they like strong confident men and you know what, me posting this here just showed that i missed this redflag about my last relationship that should have shown that it was not going to be good for me Edited June 30, 2011 by wilsonx
Author italianguy86 Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 hey thanks for the fast reply everyone i just hurts alot when i was with other girls during our break up it didnt work i wanted the feelings she gave me and when we started to hang out again they came back right away i miss her alot and she told me the same thing how fast all her feelings came back... i just came from her place i was laying in bed with her and her phone went off she told me it was her iphone saying it was my message she didnt read yet she went to the bathroom and i clicked the button and it was her ex again and he sent her a msg in spanish that said good devil in english.... i asked her to check her phone before i left while she was cuddling sleeping with me and she just got mad and said "stop making a big deal about it its probably not him it was probably your msg"... so i told her before i left i didnt tell her i went threw her phone i said "look katie if were going to do this and try and make things work i dont wanna tell you who you can hang out with or what to do but if you want to work things out with me i dont want you to talk to your ex, you can have guy friends but ex's dont help anything"... she said "omg your making a big deal out of nothing were not even dating and rolled over and closed her eyes"??? she brought me breakfast eariler and i told her "alright ill just ttyl thanks for the breakfeast" she said "your welcome babe have a good day at work"????
Peagle87 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Ah man its crazy how universal it seems when it comew to what women say and do. I had that too in my hot and cold stages after numerous mini breakups. Ive driven myself mad overthinking and seeing how stuff is n conig up with reasons. Shes shallow and pegs our issues simply to my insecurties and lack of spotnatiety and being so close to me. It truly is scary how someone being so close to you can shut their emotions off like as if the press of a button
Author italianguy86 Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 sorry i was at work or i would of responded sooner. Im on my lunch break, i talked to her today i might end up spending sometime with her tonite and go for a walk and just talk to her and let her know how i really feel.... but my real question is do i tell her if were going to talk i dont think its a good idea for you to talk to your ex because i feel it will interfear with what were trying to work out and tell her the decision is hers? or do i tell her its okay for her to talk to him and and idc and just show her that it doesnt bother me and try and win her over??? All this relationship stuff sucks sometimes i dont get why people want it so bad... and after everything that happend i still dont know why i want her so bad i tried seeing other people nothing really worked its like im stuck on her and just her. and i think i would do anything to make it work because of how much i really love her... I really appericate all the help everyone is posting were also supposed to hang out 4th of july after i finish work and i was going to cook for her grab some beer and go see some fireworks.. i dont know if i should wait for monday and let some time go by with out seeing her or tell her now... i know this is alot but i want to get it all out before my break is over ha we also have a concert were going to at the end of july that i asked if she would come we already bought tickets... im also kind of scared if i bring this up now how is it going to effect the future ..... ugh fml
iceweasel6 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Reading your post italianguy86 - i felt very anxious - your giving off a very anxious vibe. You need to man up and act secure and be the alpha male. Look, if she's seeing someone else - she's seeing someone else. If she's not, she's not. The only thing you can do is manage your behavior. Who she sees has absolutely no bearing on how you behave. So - have a good time enjoy her presence and focus on things you can change - you, vs. things you can't - her.
wilsonx Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 (edited) honestly, i do not think you are over her from the last break up. you might even be in the friend zone. look at how confused you are when you are typing and how unsure everything is to you. you have absolutely 0 confidence and my best advice to you is just walk away. seriously just walk away. you are going to only hurt yourself in the end. my friends told me the same thing when i kept wanting to hang out with my ex and they were right, at the same time i put her in her place and she finally realized that she knew that I knew what had been going on the entire time. She cant even look me in the eyes anymore because shes ashamed of what she did and what she lost. Thats me though, I have always had strong resolve even with little to no confidence. You on the other hand do not. You really need to eject yourself from hanging out with her. You are hoping for more then there is. If you wanted to try to reconcile your relationship, you would leave the past in the past and start over today from day 1. You do not need to tell her how you feels, trust me she knows and shes feeding her ego off you. Just move past this. Its called a break because its broken. I use to be an advocate for trying to fix relationships after they break, but its too much work and not worth it in the end and you get more hurt the 2nd 3rd 4th time then the first time. oh by the way, i just read the first line of your first post again... thats your number one problem. You need to go out and make friends first. You need friends to talk to about problems like this and to be there for them when they are going through the same thing. #1 Focus on bettering yourself in whatever way you see necessary #2 Make friends, lots of them, spend time hanging out with them (PLEASE MAINLY GUY FRIENDS) #3 Enjoy Life #4 Make women friends #9773485 Start hanging out with Ex again Edited June 30, 2011 by wilsonx
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