toyneile79 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I am feeling really down and out. I recently found out that my boyfriend of over a year, one that I was talking marriage with, is already married and has been for a while. I can't even describe the hurt and betrayal I feel. After a month of not hearing from him at all, he finally emails me to say that he feels trapped in his marriage for financial reasons but not because he is in love. I actually spoke to his wife before talking to him and she told me the same thing. I don't understand how he could not have told me this from the beginning instead of hurting me like this. I am so mad at myself for not having known. I never wanted to be the "other woman." I was not raised like that. And even know I didn't know he was married, I still feel disgusted knowing that I was with a married man. What's worse is that even though it's been a few months of NC, I still love this man and think about him constantly. I don't know how to move forward. However, I will not contact him knowing he is married. What do I do. I have no closure...I feel like I'm still in shock. One day I am extremely happy and a few hours later, my love life changes drastically....
thelovingkind Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 (edited) I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I can't imagine the sense of betrayal, deception and hurt you must feel. The only closure you have is knowing that someone who could construct a life with you around such a massive lie could never, ever, EVER make a good partner to you, his wife, or anyone else. It's incomprehensible to imagine otherwise. I've never been in this kind of situation, so I don't want to judge at all, but I imagine there are some lessons to learn here about picking up on red flag behaviour early. Did he only ever stay at your place or have you over on certain nights? Would he rarely take calls in the evening, etc.? Unfortunately the phenomenon of married men looking for part-time/casual/on-call girlfriends seems to be pretty common, so it pays to know what the red flags are which can save you months of futile efforts trying to get a relationship going with the wrong person. Edited June 30, 2011 by thelovingkind
Author toyneile79 Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 I have thought back over the year we were together and honestly, there were no red flags. We talked all night long most nights. He called me every morning, afternoon and evening. We went out in the community both day and night time. I met his friends and coworkers. We went on trips together. Fact is, they were separated but still living together which makes it worse because I truly don't understand why he couldn't tell me. It hurts to know I was used. We truly shared a deep connection....I can't even describe it. I'm wondering how long it will take for me to get past this pain.
Recommended Posts