MovingOn13 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Hello All, I posted a similar thread...but in the wrong area as i feel it is more relevant here and i really need some solid advice. I would like to point out that my inner confidence is much higher than what it was months ago and i am just over all growing and moving on but right when i least expect it i get contact through FB. My ex and i dated for 5 years and were first loves through HS and some of college. She broke up with me with no real reason other than "you only live once, we arn't 15 anymore." The latter statement really hurt me when she said it because it questioned the 5 years...but i know some women tend to say anything to just get out of a confrontational situation. As soon as we broke up, i went 100 percent no contact...i never broke it and she never broke it. She partied and partied hard, even her best friend had no idea she was going to break up with me. She basically partied with full force, making up for the 2 years of college in which we dated and she worked a ton. I received a fb friend request about a week and a half ago. It honestly set me back a bit, and i began to snoop on her a bit through mutual walls and i saw she posted attention grabbing posts on my best friends wall. I asked him about it, if he was talking to her like that and he said no, and that he believed she had told him she had a boyfriend or something. I am at the point in the healing process that i know good things are to come, that im young, and that honestly this break up has shaped my life in a positive way because it forced me to grow, to accept "Defeat", and to accept that somethings will never be answered "why, when, what, how's." regarding the break up. Idk what it means...the request anyway. I chose to "not now" it because i really dont wanna go back down that road of pain. Part of me wanted to message her what her intention was...but i decided against it. I know it could mean several things maybe she just wants to snoop on me or w/e. The timing is what confuses me. NC for 6 months and then all of a sudden she wants to be "friends?" I am not interested in a platonic relationship let alone a fb friendship which means nothing on the surface. Her action of adding me and posting attention grabbing posts on my best buds wall " i'll call you when i get back from europe, omg its so fun come here now" etc...just confuse me. Thanks for the input. I have come such a long way and then this happens! From the get go it seemed like she never missed me...but as we all have seen...once the dust settles people see reality...the reality that most people suck...and have no substance.
Johnny85 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Hello there Fellow LS member, First of all, I would like to congratulate you on staying NC for 5 months; that is an amazing accomplishment that can only be accomplished by accepting reality and understanding that you are powerless when it comes to another person's decisions. Secondly, my feeling is that she probably does miss you, otherwise, there would be no reason for her to add you as a friend on Facebook. However, missing someone's company and persona does not mean that she wants to be with you again. I think this is probably the reason why you are here asking for advice; you would like to know whether she could possibly be interested in a second chance. Unless she approaches you directly, pouring out her heart to you, asking for a second chance, my advice for you is to continue to leave this alone. You have done so well and allowed yourself to move on, which is so hard to do. Good luck to you. I hope everything works out for you, however it turns out.
iceweasel6 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 MovingOn13 - you have done all the right things. Went NC. Healed. Moving forward in your life in a healthy way. The reality though, I feel from your post, is that you still have feelings for her. Here's my take - at this moment in your life you don't want her in it - that's clear because you are all too intimate with the pain that she may cause if she were to enter it again. Fair enough. However, you can control if she enters your life or not, and still use this opportunity to get the answers your looking for. It's obvious she's reaching out to you and is more amenable to answer questions you may have that can give you the closure you need. Personally, I think it's bizarre that she would friend request you on facebook and not give you the decency of a text message or a call. Speaks volumes of the kind of person she is - very passive aggressive. Her action of adding me and posting attention grabbing posts on my best buds wall " i'll call you when i get back from europe, omg its so fun come here now" etc...just confuse me. As for her posting on your best buddies wall - don't second guess your first assessment - because it was spot on --- it's attention grabbing. She can't post on yours, so she posts on your best buds wall. It grabbed your attention! Nothing to be confused about with that. It's obvious she wants your attention. My educated guess would be that she still has feelings for you - that much is obvious. Where you go from here is up to you. Your at a good place now. You can choose to ignore her - and eventually - maybe - she will go away. Or you can just flat out ask her - "What do you want?" or whatever it is you want to say or ask.
DustySaltus Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Something is missing in her life right now and she is reaching around trying to find it. The fact of the matter is that if she was really looking to get in contact with you she would be beating down your door. She's looking for attnetion, it's not about you at all, it's about her. It's natural to want to snoop around but resist the urge in the future. You now have the upper hand in the healing process and that should give you real closure and confidence moving forward. She may try and call you, she may try and make you feel guilty about no accepting her friend request, but just keep the big picture in mind. This was a learning experience for you. we all had high school and college sweethearts. Sometimes things work out and other times they don't. All it's doing though is preparing us for the person we are truly supposed to be with.
Author MovingOn13 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 Thanks to all of the replies guys, i appreciate them a lot. All of you are spot on with seeing the situation as selfish and passive aggressive. I do at the moment still have feelings for her...but i no longer pin for her obsessively, but i do at moments remember the good times. I will continue to be NC...and continue to heal because i dont think enough time has been given to open the door for a possible connection again. I have no regrets with the relationship other than the fact i was so young and not very romantic. It is now that i am older (20) that i really wanted to do special things i.e. go to the beach, wine and dine, etc...and thats when i get dumped haha...but hey no one is born with experience. Again, thanks for the advice guys!
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