yellowhibiscus Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 So...I met this wonderful man through a dating site two weeks ago. In the past two weeks we've gone out 6 times! The chemistry is off the wall crazy and we have so much fun together. I know that 2 weeks is way too early to be talking about starting anything serious but wanted to know at what point should we have the "talk". We've already expressed that we like each other a lot but I'm sure he probably wants to still see what else is out there as its still new. This is my first time at the whole online dating thing so wanted to get some opinions.
D-Lish Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 How long should you wait? As long as possible, and you shouldn't be the one bringing it up. Enjoy the moments getting to know one another- be that fun, carefree girl he's enjoying getting to know right now. Be that fun, carefree girl until he brings up the talk. Bringing up the talk is pressure- don't jump ahead of yourself.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 How long should you wait? As long as possible, and you shouldn't be the one bringing it up. Enjoy the moments getting to know one another- be that fun, carefree girl he's enjoying getting to know right now. Be that fun, carefree girl until he brings up the talk. Bringing up the talk is pressure- don't jump ahead of yourself. I'm with D-Lish. I have never brought it up, and doubt that I ever will.
oaks Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 How long should you wait? As long as possible, and you shouldn't be the one bringing it up. I don't understand. Why not wait only "until you want to have the exclusive talk" and why does it matter who brings it up?
Eeyore79 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I waited four days to broach the question of exclusivity with my boyfriend. I wasn't prepared to waste my time on someone who didn't think it was worth focusing exclusively on me for a while to see how things go. Plus I wasn't prepared to kiss or be intimate with someone who was also doing the same thing with someone else. I'm not short of options, so if he had refused exclusivity I would simply have moved on to someone else.
Lemontang Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 My currents the only one I asked to be exclusive with, the rest girls asked me. Funnily enough most thought we were exclusive if dating for awhile, (and I'm a one women man once we start sleeping together) so it often wasn't brought up till months later.
Eeyore79 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Bringing up the talk is pressure- don't jump ahead of yourself. I don't see demanding exclusivity as putting on pressure or being difficult - I see it as having self respect and not allowing someone to string you along and use you. I'm not going to let someone touch me and kiss me unless we're in an exclusive relationship and I trust him. I'm a respectable woman, not a buffet for passers-by to help themselves to whenever they feel like it!
P&R Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I don't see demanding exclusivity as putting on pressure or being difficult - I see it as having self respect and not allowing someone to string you along and use you. I'm not going to let someone touch me and kiss me unless we're in an exclusive relationship and I trust him. I'm a respectable woman, not a buffet for passers-by to help themselves to whenever they feel like it! You don't have to let them touch you, or kiss you. Some people don't see a couple of weeks as enough time to really know if they want to enter in a long term relationship.
Eeyore79 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Exclusivity and an LTR aren't the same thing. I expect exclusivity from day one, even if it doesn't turn into an LTR. Even if we only date for a month, I expect to be the only girl he dates for that month. I don't know why people can't just focus one one person at a time and give them a fair trial before deciding whether to move on to someone else!
kiss_andmakeup Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 First of all, I'd wait a bit longer, as 2 weeks is nothing. But I've found that the best way to go about it, from a female standpoint, is to say something like this (obviously at an appropriate time): "Hey, I'm not saying this to pressure you, but I just wanted you to know that I'm not seeing anybody else." Gauge his response and go from there. It would be helpful to know if sex is involved at this point. If not, I'd have this discussion before becoming intimate. If he doesn't respond that he's not seeing anyone else either, you can say "I respect your decision, but I'd feel more comfortable and safe if we waited to be intimate." It's not at all unreasonable to ask for exclusivity before sex.
oaks Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 First of all, I'd wait a bit longer, as 2 weeks is nothing. But I've found that the best way to go about it, from a female standpoint, is to say something like this (obviously at an appropriate time): "Hey, I'm not saying this to pressure you, but I just wanted you to know that I'm not seeing anybody else." Gauge his response and go from there. I did something similar this evening, and the response was "You should." Hmm. Not exactly the answer I was hoping for!
LSChic Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 I also did something similar last night. Although, it was a bit different. Exclusivity is usually not a big thing for me unless I'm in love. I figure, if a guy hasn't made a promise to me, I'm not going to expect him to keep it. I've been seeing a guy, let's call him Jon, for about a month. We've been having sex for most of that time. In the past month, I've seen other guys on and off but they all didn't go past 2 dates or so. Jon has been there the whole month and we spend a lot of time together. He's known the whole time that we weren't exclusive. So I started talking to a new guy, who seems nice, but I personally started to feel kind of $hitty about it because I'm really, really starting to like/get attached to Jon. I haven't been on a date with the new guy yet, but we were thinking about setting one up. So, last night I was hanging out with Jon and I told him I was talking to a new guy and asked what he thought about it. Of course he was like "do whatever you want. Why do you care what I think?" I told him I cared because I was his friend and I respected his feelings and opinions. He ended up admitting that if I went out with the new guy it would bother him a lot. So, we're not really "exclusive," but I made the decision not to go out with anyone else at this point in time because I have strong feelings for Jon. If things change or a better guy comes along, I might reconsider. Also, the same goes for him. If he thinks there's a better date out there for him, he's free to pursue it. I feel like exclusivity has to arise organically with both partners coming to their own conclusion about what they want to do, not with one commandeering the other into a relationship. I would just keep the communication very open and honest. If you're dating someone else or talking to someone else, just casually mention that you're doing so, no details. If you're wondering the same thing about him, feel free to ask. If you're both honest with each other, the exclusivity should just happen naturally over time until it's just assumed. Once that happens, then it's safe to have a talk about "what is cheating?" etc. Idk...these are just my opinions.
Country_Girl Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Just had this talk last night, only a week into dating him- but mind you we have spent a lot of time together, he lives a block away from my job (before work we go on walks, he visits me during my lunch breaks to grab a meal, after work we go out for drinks and/or meal). Probably went out 10 or more times, in that short of time, lol. He brought it up, as we were discussing being intimate in the future, and he let me know he's not dating anyone else. He said sure, had it been 1 or 2 lunch dates he wouldn't feel the need to be exclusive, but since we are investing a lot of time together he wanted me to know that there's no one in the picture. I said the same, and that I don't plan in dating anyone else while me & him are dating. I think when the time is right, when you feel comfortable enough to have that discussion, you will feel ready to broach the subject with him. Certainly before you become intimate.
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