maudiorocks Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I'm a guy looking to get back into dating (I've been single for 5 years with very little female interaction and am very rusty). I'm struggling with making that first contact. I assume you should smile at a woman to get her attention and let her know that *hey I'm interested*. I always feel like when I attempt to do it the women always look away. Is there a right way to do this? I know this seems really basic but I'm feeling very lost. Cheers.
smudge21 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Never one for simply smiling at a girl - but then again, not really one for initiating first contact either. Oddly make lack of confidence in this area has often been what's helped me attract the girls others would imagine are out of their league, if you get my meaning. I generally don't rush in with the chat or flirting. I just try to talk to them normally, like I would anyone else. I'm not saying it's a great way to meet a girl, but it just seems to calm the situation and make things go smoother. In my mind, the girl is often just as nervous as the guy when first meeting someone, so if you can come across calm and relaxed and just keep things simple, it can make everything so much easier - and can be a refreshing change to maybe what they're used to. I also think it depends on where you're meeting these girls for the first time - bars and clubs are the typical place, but can be so predictable and often noisy that any plan you have can easily go wrong. At work is an easy way to talk to someone, but then you've got the work situation to consider - no one likes to have a reputation. Just generally out and about, shopping, walking, whatever is somewhere in the middle of those two and can be a bit easier to strike up a polite conversation with someone. I will say that if I see a girl and I instantly find her attractive, I do get tongue tied and will often feel myself stumbling over words or not knowing what to say. Compare that to when she doesn't instantly attract me and I can chat for hours without a problem. I'm not saying these girls aren't attractive, but for whatever reason I've not been instantly attracted to them. Either there's been something else on my mind or there's not been that 'spark' when first seeing them, it's just easier for me when I'm not over thinking what I'm trying to say. I know from past girlfriends, they've seen this as confidence but it's generally just been me being myself with them. My last ex - totally stunning, much younger, way out of my league - met her due to a media project and because my mind was totally on the job coming up it was so easy to talk to her. Never for one second would I have thought anything would happen between us, but her words after we got together were simply that I'd talked to her in such a nice, relaxing, calm way - treated her with respect and just like a normal person (she'd generally just attract a certain type due to her looks). It was something she was not used to and so it got her chasing me... I can honestly say that was an ego boost to be sure! I guess what I'm saying is you've got to find your comfort zone when meeting someone for the first time. If you're not comfortable then there's no way you can make her feel comfortable either. Oh and try not to worry about messing up either - we all do. It's part of the journey.
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