OriginalPenguin Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 . Second, it strikes me that many people here do not have your best interests at heart. That is demonstrably false. There are plenty of helpful suggestions posted (that do not even get acknowledged) and things said that may not be pleasant to hear but are nevertheless worth taking note of. If you want to be bothered to see for yourself then take a look at the majority of responses to any of these threads. Key questions are ignored and dodged to the point that one has to wonder what the intent really is here, because it certainly does not appear to be a search for answers.
threebyfate Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I see I'm not the only one who sees this.. .. thanks TBF for trying to help. It isn't helping ES by just berating her and making fun of her..The amount of malicious harassment that ES has experienced on LS, thread after thread, is unbelievable. As an observation and something for people to consider, is that each member who reads her posts has "created" their own story in their minds. Then, the members who gain a dislike for her, start the harassment. From there, more pick up the mob mentality and go for the throat. But if you notice, the rallying cries are based not on fact but subjective story creation by the lead individuals, whereby these individuals are projecting their own issues. So the question that begs asking is, are the definitive NEEDS to control, a projected need to control self? Fascinating! ES, two weeks off LS is a great idea! I'd like to emphasize a couple of things. The two of you were in an exclusive relationship within 3 weeks of dating. He continued contact with the other girls who he admitted to being interested in, for 2 months UNTIL he was forced to make a choice by you breaking up with him. Had you not broken up with him, he might still be juggling women. Major red flag! The other red flag was that he was jealous of you having a girl's night out right after you became exclusive and yet, he had many, many boy's nights out post exclusivity. He then devolved to lying to you while in a boy's night out. This is a MAJOR projection red flag! I dunno, ES. He's definitively concerning.
utterer of lies Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 The saga of ES went from daily soap to comedy to drama and is now somewhere in the far out regions of modern surrealism.
threebyfate Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 The saga of ES went from daily soap to comedy to drama and is now somewhere in the far out regions of modern surrealism.Non-factual subjective perception. Does ES remind you of someone who hurt you?
utterer of lies Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Non-factual subjective perception. Does ES remind you of someone who hurt you? No, not that I'm aware of. Why?
threebyfate Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 No, not that I'm aware of. Why?Or is it that everyone who doesn't think or act like you, is automatically labelled as bad?
utterer of lies Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 (edited) Or is it that everyone who doesn't think or act like you, is automatically labelled as bad? No. Why should I label people at all. You have some strange ideas. Don't generalize from yourself to others. Edited June 30, 2011 by utterer of lies
threebyfate Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 The saga of ES went from daily soap to comedy to drama and is now somewhere in the far out regions of modern surrealism. No. Why should I label people at all. You have some strange ideas.Your above post creates a fictitious story and if you're honest with yourself, if you believe your story, why add to the drama by sniping at her?
SmileFace Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Or is it that everyone who doesn't think or act like you, is automatically labelled as bad? Why are you acting like this is your battle? ES is a grown women. She knows what she gets when she comes here. She doesn't need a protector. I wish her the best and wish she would take a break or leave this place for her own sake. If she can't see that this place is feeding into her insecurities, what is the point of trying to censor others comments?
threebyfate Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Why are you acting like this is your battle? ES is a grown women. She knows what she gets when she comes here. She doesn't need a protector. I wish her the best and wish she would take a break or leave this place for her own sake. If she can't see that this place is feeding into her insecurities, what is the point of trying to censor others comments?I see. So it's okay to bully and everyone should stand down when it's happening? If you notice, my comments focus on unnecessary sniping, rather than honest advice.
SmileFace Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I see. So it's okay to bully and everyone should stand down when it's happening? If you notice, my comments focus on unnecessary sniping, rather than honest advice. No, I am just saying people have been "bullying" her for so long in her posts. Yet, she still comes here. Why do you care when she doesn't? The she posts again, again and again. Even one of the people you have claimed she was bullied by, she still asked him for advice after she said he made her cry. Like I said, why do you care when she doesn't? She posts many threads but don't act like E.S haven't dished out her own bullying. I have seen her make some very hurtful comments to others so.. Anyway my point is tat she is a grown women. You agree she needs a break, right? That is all
Richard Friedman Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Because fools should be mocked. Holding back because of sensitivity might give them the idea they're in the right some how. Just like with organized religion and those creationist idiots.
utterer of lies Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Your above post creates a fictitious story and if you're honest with yourself, if you believe your story, why add to the drama by sniping at her? I'm not aware that I'm sniping at her with this post. I used to before, in previous threads, but gave up any hope that even harsh advice would help her. That's why I started to simply treat her threads as entertainment. My post was a commentary on that. Don't imply malice on my part when its simply a lack of understanding on yours.
threebyfate Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 No, I am just saying people have been "bullying" her for so long in her posts. Yet, she still comes here. Why do you care when she doesn't? The she posts again, again and again. Even one of the people you have claimed she was bullied by, she still asked him for advice after she said he made her cry. Like I said, why do you care when she doesn't? She posts many threads but don't act like E.S haven't dished out her own bullying. I have seen her make some very hurtful comments to others so.. Anyway my point is tat she is a grown women. You agree she needs a break, right? That is allShe's admitted to being addicted to LS and is coming here for relationship help. She has given negative advice but backs off after one or two comments. If that's acceptable criteria to be bullied, then major chunk of members deserve to be bullied, whereby post after post snipes and harasses. Is that accurate?
threebyfate Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I'm not aware that I'm sniping at her with this post. I used to before, in previous threads, but gave up any hope that even harsh advice would help her. That's why I started to simply treat her threads as entertainment. My post was a commentary on that. Don't imply malice on my part when its simply a lack of understanding on yours.Okay. So you're self-admittedly not trying to help her in any way, just ramping up drama to entertain yourself?
utterer of lies Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Okay. So you're self-admittedly not trying to help her in any way Not anymore, yes. Sometimes I still fall back into old patterns such as giving advice, but I try to control myself. just ramping up drama No. entertain yourself? Yes.
SmileFace Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 She's admitted to being addicted to LS and is coming here for relationship help. She has given negative advice but backs off after one or two comments. If that's acceptable criteria to be bullied, then major chunk of members deserve to be bullied, whereby post after post snipes and harasses. Is that accurate? Please don't get me wrong. I am not saying anyone deserves to be bullied. I wouldn't care if ES was the biggest bitch - no one deserves it. However, all I am saying is that if she wants it to stop; she needs to step away. I am pretty sure we both can agree on that, right? If the bullying won't cut her addiction, what will? She isn't recieving help any more. No one gets help from an addiction. This place is bad for her. Instead of focusing on others, write her PM or something and explain to her why she should stop posting or something. Since that is what she needs to do.
snug.bunny Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I dunno, I feel ES has every right to stand on the soapbox and post freely, if that is what she wants to do. Her personality does have a vacuum effect, which is why I also feel that other readers refrain from providing so much feed back to such an extent that it sucks the life out of them... I asked a direct question twice, it went unanswered. And quickly switched to "my boyfriend is whisking me away happy joy joy".....To me, that would indicate one is placing more importance in going out and having fun versus (****insert your own interpretation****), but hey, everyone has their own price and will exchange it for what they truly want...
utterer of lies Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 She's admitted to being addicted to LS and is coming here for relationship help. Luckily, you've seen through her ruse and found out that what she really needs is a white knight on a message board - a stout defender of everything that is female and not too hard on the eyes. And even better, you are right her, taking on this hard and thankless quest - a true hero.
tigressA Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 The only thing I have to say anymore about this situation, ES, is that if you don't come clean to this guy about the snooping and whatever else, then your relationship is a charade and will be one until you start telling the truth. You have to hold yourself to the same standards that you are holding him to. Please, please be honest with him and deal with whatever that may bring. I really think it could help you in the long run, whether you two stay together or not.
SmileFace Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 The only thing I have to say anymore about this situation, ES, is that if you don't come clean to this guy about the snooping and whatever else, then your relationship is a charade and will be one until you start telling the truth. You have to hold yourself to the same standards that you are holding him to. Please, please be honest with him and deal with whatever that may bring. I really think it could help you in the long run, whether you two stay together or not. This - solid advice ... hope your relationship is running smoothly
threebyfate Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Please don't get me wrong. I am not saying anyone deserves to be bullied. I wouldn't care if ES was the biggest bitch - no one deserves it. However, all I am saying is that if she wants it to stop; she needs to step away. I am pretty sure we both can agree on that, right? If the bullying won't cut her addiction, what will? She isn't recieving help any more. No one gets help from an addiction. This place is bad for her. Instead of focusing on others, write her PM or something and explain to her why she should stop posting or something. Since that is what she needs to do.I agree that it would be a good idea for her to take the two weeks as she's mentioned. But yours and my motivation differ. I view it as the ability for her to re-energize away from the harassment and bullying. Luckily, you've seen through her ruse and found out that what she really needs is a white knight on a message board - a stout defender of everything that is female and not too hard on the eyes. And even better, you are right her, taking on this hard and thankless quest - a true hero.Nice twist but holds no water. Our mandate on LS is to help people. This means to me that helping ES by standing up for her with a malicious crowd, is my version of help. Once again, note that I'm solely focused on harassment, rather than differing opinions that might help, that offer ES different perspectives.
utterer of lies Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Once again, note that I'm solely focused on harassment, rather than differing opinions that might help, that offer ES different perspectives. If only more people were like you. Or were exposed to you, so they could learn from you - one can dream.
blueskyday Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 A sign of a mentally healthy individual is the ability to be introspective and have a sense of self-perception. It is being able to take the "helicopter" view and see yourself fand your behavior from a distance. It's about not making excuses to do the wrong thing. It's about being the same inside as the person you are showing the world. I know that I have been very unhealthy in the past. I gave myself a bunch of excuses to do the wrong thing. Cheating on someone who had cheated on me. Keeping multiple man options open because I was too scared a guy would prove to be sketchy. And I've snooped. Now, I know better. Do the right thing, no matter what. Don't have double standards. They will only hurt you, not protect you. And, be honest about where you are at....ES, don't pretend this weekend. Have fun, but really have fun, don't fake it. Anything you do to get a result is about control. Control will never alleviate your anxiety. It will only increase it. Trust yourself. Be in the moment. Show up. Be real. Communicate it. Then have some faith. It's okay to be real. Let the chips fall where they may. I've heard it said that 80% of communication is done to control. Try saying things like "Hearing that makes me feel _____ because ____." or "I want _____." It's helped me so much to say the man in my life, "You have every right to ____, but it makes me feel _____ and I like/don't like that." ES, it's okay to be scared. It's a fine line to walk between being scared and having faith that all will be well. Try walking it though and communicating what you need to feel safe....and try to figure out what is your stuff, and what is his stuff. I don't know. I think this pushes everyone's buttons, for a ton of reasons, and we can all learn from it. We see ourselves, our family, and our exes. We can be impatient, and not want to deal with it....all understandable...but let's empower, not enable. Let's be compassionate. Let's give advice, but let go....I personally appreciate everyone's views here. All of them serve to create a tension that will hopefully transform the situation....
Recommended Posts