rsiowb711 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 My long distance boyfriend broke up with me today. we were together for a year and it was out of no where. just today he told me he's not going anywhere, that he'd never leave but a few hours later he told me it was over. I tried and tried and tried to get him back but he just kept saying goodbye. This was the last thing he said to me: "Just go knowing you're the most beautiful kindest girl I ever met and will ever meet. Good bye. please find happiness get your life together and be the best you can be. Smoke drink party have sex just live your life. I am the bane of your life and I can't do it anymore....good bye, live to be happier then I could ever make you." I told him over and over that he was the best thing to ever happen to me and he made me happier than anyone else ever could. I don't even understand. its like it went from good, to gone within seconds. I've never been more hurt in my entire life. I can't stand knowing he's out there without me, and eventually hell be with someone else. I feel like someones stabbing a knife in my heart over and over and over again. I feel sick and I can't stop crying. I'm sorry this was so long but how can I get over this? I feel like I never will. I feel like ill never stop loving him and I will constantly pray we get back together. what do I do? if you've gone through this, please give me advice. thank you
thelovingkind Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Welcome to day one. At this stage there are only two things to do. 1) don't contact him. 2) Let your emotions do their thing. Cry your eyes out, get angry, get resentful, get sad, be depressed, go over memories, relive the best moments, talk about it with your friends. At this very early stage there is just nothing to do except let the grieving take over. In time you can think about channelling that into productive pursuits that'll help you move on.
midkirby Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I'm so sorry. I know it hurts right now and you have come to the right place for support. Be forewarned though that sometimes on here people ask for advice, and get no response. That is really disheartening. You will go through all sorts of emotions, and once you think you have moved on, bam...something will happen to take you back to this day...day one. Day one is always the most painful. I could tell what to do as far as no contact, but I doubt you will listen right now because it is too raw. No contact is so hard and shows how much self-control and willpower that you have, but it isn't that strong in the beginning. Just know that it is nothing that you did, by the sounds of it. Some people aren't ready for relationships for one reason or another. It doesn't mean that there is someone else that he is interested in. There could be a variety of reasons. Keep your self esteem, dignity and respect and don't let anyone take that away from you. That gives them too much power. Don't call and beg him for another chance and try to tell him how good you are together. Stay away and let him realize that he gave up something great. Hold your head high and live your life. This will be one of the hardest things in life. He may contact you again and he may not, but you deserve better. Chasing him will just make him run farther away. Good luck and I am sure you will be on this site like the rest of us seeking support and trying to understand. No one really understands it though. It is life sometimes.
stray Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I'm really, really sorry you have to go through this. Unfortunately, most people on earth have to go through this at some point. What is additionally unfortunate, is that getting broken up with by someone you love is probably in one of the worst and most painful life experiences people go through. BUT, you know the saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" - well that pertains to experiences like the one you're having. Except you're not necessarily going to get stronger, you're just going to realize in a couple months you're a lot stronger than you thought you were. You may feel like you don't know how to live your life now, or what tomorrow will bring. You may feel like your whole world just came crumbling down, you're sick, confused, desperate, panicking...1 week from now you WILL feel better. I promise. This feeling you have is temporary. This guy in your life, was temporary. Life will go on, and you will be glad it did. You'll be alright.
california15 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I'm sorry you're hurting so badly. Our stories are kinda similar and my first day sounds exactly exactly like you (the "i feel like giving up" thread). I got amazing advice from people on here in response to that thread, that would be soo helpful to you right now. It's going to get better. I know it may not feel like it right now but you will not feel like this forever. It hurts really bad in the beginning like a bandaid getting ripped off but the pain won't last forever. listen to stray and thelovingkind, and midkirby - they had nice responses. It's been a month for me and although I will acknowledge I am not 100% healed, I will be the first to say I am in a better place today than I was a week ago, 2 weeks ago, day one (this coming from someone who didn't think they would literally live through the pain.) and I am not looking back. I'm determined to make it through this. You can do this too. Its okay to cry. A broken heart hurts. like lovingkind said, let your emotions do their thing. Allow yourself to get angry, get sad, etc. If it feels better, write your feelings out on paper - do not send it to your ex though. Do not call your ex, do not beg to be taken back (Really, you don't want to be with someone who have to beg or convince or manipulate to be with you.) like stray said, this guy was temporary. Your pain is temporary. Go NC (no contact). Focus on yourself now. Don't look back. The faster you reach acceptance that the relationship is completely over, the easier it is to move on I think. You're going to move THROUGH the grief, not around it and in doing so you'll have good days and bad days. Love yourself. Be patient with yourself. Moving on is a recovery process. You'll be okay. I promise. You'll find happiness again. We're here to support you, we're all in the process ourselves or lived through it to help others.
Author rsiowb711 Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 Thank you all for the advice, it was definitely nice to read. I don't know what to do right now though because he deleted me from everything..we went a few hours without talking, but just an hour ago he texted me saying he couldn't do it. he couldn't leave. but then he said he needed a few days. and when I texted back, I know-stupid, he hasn't responded. is like he breaks my heart, then texts me saying he can't leave and now he won't respond. I don't know what to do
california15 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 You'll hear most people say If he wants to be with you, he will be with you. Period. And I agree. I would not respond to his bread crumbs of texting or calling unless he explicitly says the words I WANT TO BE WITH YOU. Anything other than that is probably fishing to see if he can still hook you and reel you in whenever he feels like it. you're not his puppy dog waiting around for him. You have a life too, so live it. You don't NEED him. You WANT him, but you don't NEED him. View the relationship as over and do not hold on to hope that it will be fixed. This will hold you back from acceptance and moving on. Focus on yourself. Take some time to evaluate the relationship and in a few months if you still feel strongly, then talk to him about reconcilation. If talking to him is going to hurt you, if being ignored is going to hurt you, then stop talking to him right now. Its for your emotional well being. You gotta take care of yourself because no one else will right now and your feelings come first. you can do it. I promise you'll get better.
strength-abounds Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 My heart goes out to you. You are in for a long, rough ride. You are going to need to strap on an attitude because, honey, you're going to need it. First, go no contact. Silence IS a source of great strength. The longer you're quiet, the stronger you will become. I guarantee it. Secondly, understand that you will be faced with several emotions. Anger, depression, immense regret, and impossible anger will be among these emotions. The secret to dealing with these emotions is to not bottle them inside you. Let them out. Cry, scream, run, hit a pillow, anything will work. In my personal story, I joined a gym after my EW left me and I ended up losing 156 lbs. Use these bad emotions for something good. Third, you should realize that you are the person that someone else is looking for and that person is trying to get to as fast as they can. Good luck to you and Godspeed.
midkirby Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Please listen to me. I went through the exact same thing. Leave him alone and let him figure it out. Don't act like you don't care about him...but act like you can live without him either way. Do not contact him. If he tries to contact you, let him know that he needs to figure this out and you are giving him this time to do just that. He needs to miss you in order to realize what he is missing. I did that in my relationship. Went no contact and started getting texts saying how much he missed me. I would never call him during this time. Finally, we decided to meet up last night to discuss things. We haven't resolved everything, but we made love like we never had before. He called me tonight for the first time in about 7 weeks. Talked about getting together this weekend and told me he loves me. Point being, I stayed away and he realized how much he missed and really loved me. Don't put any pressure on him. Just pull away and give him time. It sounds like he will come around, if he is already talking like that. In case he doesn't, keep a wall up around you to protect yourself in case he doesn't. But, keep a positive attitude and do something to keep yourself busy.
Author rsiowb711 Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 I feel like I've already messed up whatever speck of hope was left because I texted him back three times. he hasn't responded but I didn't say anything again. I feel so confused because its like, I want us to work I love him so much but I also don't want to wait around for days just so he can leave me again. its so hard not to spill my guys out to him.
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