dreamwithme Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 My GF of 15 months decided she needed a break from the relationship (from me!) a month ago...after a week or so of carrying on and txting/calling, she additionally decided that she needed NC in order to be really "taking a break". I honored her request, as selfish as it seemed, and for the last 3+ weeks I've been doing well, strictly following NC, everyday thinking about it/her less, keeping myself busy, exercising, meeting new people, etc. In the meantime, I have had the opportunity to chat with her best friend (also my friend) about her because I genuinely care about her. The friend told me that if she was in my shoes, she would waste her time trying to get back together because "she just doesn't seem interested in the relationship right now...with you or anyone else". That bit of news isn't exactly shocking because I have believed from the beginning that break = breakup, and that's how I have gone on with my life. So today, just over 3 weeks since she requested NC, I get a txt from her that basically said "call me". That's it...no greeting, no how are you, etc. I figure she just wants to tell me that she's really enjoying her single life, etc, and that we are over for sure....all stuff that I pretty much already figured from day one of NC and don't need rubbed in my face all over again. This whole break thing (which is just a chicken-**** way of breaking up without properly communicating) has been extremely selfish on her part. She didn't care about my feelings when she decided on the break or on NC, and now I don't think she cares how crappy her initiating contact again makes me feel, especially since I know what her message is going to be. So she broke NC with a txt "Call me when you get a chance". I think she's just feeling guilty that her actions just might have hurt my feelings and she just wants to see if I am doing ok. She is being selfish again by breaking NC this way, just to make herself feel better about things. What do you all think? I miss how we used to be...sure. But her "break" has given me opportunity to think too. And I'm thinking that I don't want to give her the satisfaction of always calling the shots. What's next?
wilsonx Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 dont do it, you said it yourself, it was a pretty chicken **** way to end things... See you are smart too, 3 weeks into it and you dont want her calling the shots. You want to call the shots... Keep NC dont pick up these breadcrumbs. You're going to hate yourself. You need to get a new best friend and dont worry about her's. Girl's best friends defend girls. You need a GUY Best friend. You need a lot of guy friends. I did not realize how awesome my guy friends are until my ex left me. People who I blew off are the most amazing people in my life and dont you ever forget that. Dont ever sacrifice your guy friends to a relationship with another person (I learned this the hard way). Stop asking about her and start worrying about yourself, read all these forum posts, shes dating someone else and failing miserably and is unhappy. Shes going to use you as an ego boost. Dont believe me read the other 3948584303948 posts here. Exit from her life completely and start building yours without her and her friends in it. Continue NC
ShoeGurl1973 Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Ok, from a girls point of view, I am telling you that the worst thing you can do is call her right now. It will make you look like a sad puppy. To peak her interest and give you any shot whatsoever, you have to appear like you don't need her. That drives us crazy. Either do one of two things: 1. Text her back and say "I'm busy, I'll try and give you a call as soon as I can", which is very dismissive and considering she expects you to call her as soon as she tells you its ok, this will piss her off. Wait a good 3 -5 days before calling. 2. Don't call at all and completely ignore her, giving her no response whatsoever. People HATE to be brushed off like they are insignificant or completely ignored. You will look like a confident guy with either of these approaches.
Kilty Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 What if there has been an underlying reason for her actions and this is why she wants you to call her so she can explain - and is nervous about calling you as you may not respond to her call due to the way she has behaved ? The point i am making is that there are lots of possibilities and only one person knows what the real one is. If you have given it 2-3 hours or so i'd call her and ask her what it is. If it is some BS or breadcrumbs then keep your emotions in check and tell her you have something else planned and have to go - or that you thought it was something important she had to tell you and thats the only reason you broke NC We are all allowed one time only to do what most other folk would advise not to do Id use that card now PS - let us know what it was
Author dreamwithme Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 I am very conflicted on what to do next. The emotional side of me says not to break NC...make her stew for putting me through this. The rational side of me knows that all along she has had this exam in school that she wanted to concentrate on and now that is behind her. But I also know that she has told her friend that she wants to be alone for a while and doesn't want to be in a relationship. Her friend has additionally told me that I shouldn't waste my time thinking that she wants to get back together. And finally there is her txt breaking NC...emotionless, like from a stranger...just a demand "Call me when u get a chance". Why should I call you? You have a phone and my number.
MrElusive Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 If you want to be the one calling the shots then text her back and tell HER to call YOU! I'm sorry but who does she think she is? If she finds your reply rude then tell her to do one.
wilsonx Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 stick to NC, find someone that will treat you better if she wants to talk to you she will dont listen to her friends
bikinibeach Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 thats pretty rude, especially since she "took a break" from you. ignore it completely. she'll call. and you wont have had to ask her to
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