Fustrated can't get a girlfriend

[Necris]

For starters I should tell a little about myself I would describe myself as Black, super nerdy (I love playing and modding videogames, using my computer, watching anime,and I have alot of interest in scientific subjects such as AI or genetic engineering) niceguy (not doormat nice but I am naturally nice to people), smart (most people that know me say I am very intelligent and that I possess encyclopedic knowledge I myself feel like I just never know enough:laugh:), shy (I don't like being around a crowd, and I'm slow to meeting new people but I can talk with ease to people I know), funny (I can easily make someone laugh), college student (software development major). I will also say I'm a pretty big dude (6'3 230lbs). I'm also kind of strong as I can bench 300lbs, and I would say my looks are fairly average, maybe above average to some people maybe below average to others. I have never had a girlfriend in my entire life and I'm a virgin (the closest physical contact I had with a girl was giving a friendly hug) but that's okay because I'm also a Christian and I will wait till marriage before doing anything. I'm also not particularly good at social situations as I find it difficult to break the ice or come up with something interesting to say but once I start I can keep the ball rolling, I also get nervous very easily, and I'm particularly dense to any subtle flirtation (I don't really no what flirting is so yeah).

 

When it comes to my taste in women I don't actually care about the race of a girl, but I prefer them to have a pretty, feminine appearance, not overly fat (being a little fat is okay as long as it is in the right places;) but obesity is completely unacceptable, take care of themselves, nice, and have something in common with me.

 

So far my dating life is non-existent as girls seem to never have any interest in me, and I'm always rejected. I generally try to get to know a girl before I ask her out, but when I do she either asks to just be friends, she flat out rejects me, she tells me she has a boyfriend (I can understand this and I respect it), or she suddenly refuses to speak to me and never go near me again, there is never a yes. Actually one-time a girl did go on a date with me it didn't go as I intended at all. I asked this nerdy girl out (nerdy is cool to me) and she said yes and I was very happy. It went very bad very quickly, it started out okay and we were talking about our favorite hobbies, home, and discussing our majors.

 

Then for some reason the girl I was with started talking about gay male on male porn fantasies really loudly in the restaurant, and asking me alot of gay questions. I told her I'm not into that and that we shouldn't talk like this on a date but she kept going on and on. Everytime I tried to change the subject somehow it kept coming back to that and people were all staring at us with disdain it was very embarassing. I then asked what is her favorite book to read and then she started talking about rape and murder stories she likes to read. She actually shouted rape for some random reason. She also said America should have allied with Hitler in WW2. All of this was making me very uncomfortable, but since I couldn't control her I allowed her to speak and she went on about how she thinks its weird other people can feel empathy for people they don't really know and how if New York burned to the ground right now she wouldn't care at all. She said all of this while talking very loud almost a shout.

 

But trying to be a gentleman I kept my cool and eventually we left the restaurant and I took her back. I should have just ran away got in my car and drove off and left her in the rain but I guess I was too much of a foolish niceguy to do it. After the "date" she never spoke to me again and never acknowledged my presence unless I actually talked to her first. My roommates laughed and told me that all of that sounded like she was just trying to make fun of me and they are probably right.

 

That date was the only date I have been on, girls seem to never be interested in me and I even tried the hit on every girl you meet method and that did nothing, and the look cool but never hit on girls method that also does nothing. I have never tried the bar or club scene but I normally try the library, church, classes, or the coffee shop.

 

So please I need help what should I do? Also if I just can't get a girlfriend how can I just stop thinking about girls (hobbies don't seem to work as they are in the background in my mind)?

[Necris]

I think I put too much extra info in my OP. I should of just put my first and only date.

 

Also any advice

[smudge21]

That girl on your date sounds like a real barrel of joy, where did you meet her? I'd be scarred for life after something like that!!!

 

Basically everything you're doing now is clearly now working, so you need to start changing little things. Instead of just focusing on 'where can I get a girl', first start focusing on your own life and the people around you, the places you visit. Put yourself into more places where there are girls. Fair enough, I can understand not liking big groups, but surely you have small group of friends that can accompany you on your quest. Strength in numbers and all that. Also, look at yourself - is there something that you do that might put them off. Do you come across as too eager. Do you carry a bloodied axe... hopefully not, but you get my point. I'm not saying you should go change yourself totally, but maybe it's something subtle you do that they pick up on.

 

It's hard to really say as every girl is different and will be turned on and put off by different things. I will say one thing though, that date you talk about could be used to your advantage at some point if you can turn it into something you can laugh about. It's an amusing story to break the ice - the tale of this girl just flipping out in public and you just sinking further and further into your chair...

 

There's no easy answer for getting a date, but remember, it can be just as awkward and uncomfortable for the girl as it can be the guy. If you're nervous, chances are she is too.

[Necris]

That girl on your date sounds like a real barrel of joy, where did you meet her? I'd be scarred for life after something like that!!!

 

Actually I met her in my college history class she seemed like a nice girl when I met her, but apparently she wasn't. I think she actually just didn't like me but when on a date just to waste my time and money also to embarrass and make fun of me. Also that reminds me I had one other date one time with a different girl but she stood me up as a joke so there really wasn't a date to begin with.

 

Basically everything you're doing now is clearly now working, so you need to start changing little things. Instead of just focusing on 'where can I get a girl', first start focusing on your own life and the people around you, the places you visit. Put yourself into more places where there are girls. Fair enough, I can understand not liking big groups, but surely you have small group of friends that can accompany you on your quest. Strength in numbers and all that. Also, look at yourself - is there something that you do that might put them off. Do you come across as too eager. Do you carry a bloodied axe... hopefully not, but you get my point. I'm not saying you should go change yourself totally, but maybe it's something subtle you do that they pick up on.

 

It's hard to really say as every girl is different and will be turned on and put off by different things. I will say one thing though, that date you talk about could be used to your advantage at some point if you can turn it into something you can laugh about. It's an amusing story to break the ice - the tale of this girl just flipping out in public and you just sinking further and further into your chair...

 

There's no easy answer for getting a date, but remember, it can be just as awkward and uncomfortable for the girl as it can be the guy. If you're nervous, chances are she is too.

 

I am completely clueless when it comes to women and my friends are not much help either as they are in the same boat, except one of my friends who is dating a younger highschool aged girl, and another friend I have who gets dates with extreme ease, but he can't seem to give me any advice besides be confident (when I feel/act confident I am able to take rejection easier and talk to girls easier but the girls themselves don't seem to feel any different). I just feel that I'm going to have a life of loneliness.