Calypso08 Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I just broke up with my boyfriend of one year...I have know him for almost 4 years. He always seemed like the awesome older brother I never had...til one day he asked me out. I said yes...that was a year ago....today it ended. I have been in several relationships, and he(I will call him Bob) is the most phenomenal guy I have ever met. I am completely head over for him and I've never had anybody treat me as well as he did. Problem- He lives in Oklahoma, I live in Texas. There are 14 hrs between us. He is a country boy, he loves Oklahoma and he is miserable when he is in the city. Moving to Texas is not an option for him. I would have absolutely NO problem whatsoever leaving Texas and moving to OK for him...except for one thing...my job. I have a dream job...yes it is just as an "admin assistant" but my boss is wonderful, I am paid VERY WELL, I have health ins paid for by the company, I get to travel fairly often, any college classes I want to take are paid for by the company, I have 11 wonderful coworkers and I have been with my company for two years now. I take pride in my work and I get a lot of fulfillment from it. I am 20 years old. I know what I want out of my life...I want to have a career until I am at LEAST 25 if not 30...I want to get married and when the time is right, quit my job and have a parcel of kids. If I move to OK, I will have to quit my job NOW...and it is not a job that can be easily replaced...AT ALL. I KNOW if I quit my job now and just get married to Bob, I will regret not working at a career during my youth. Sorry for writing a book...anyway. I broke things off with Bob today because I can't stand this anymore...we argue constantly about who would move where, it seems like there is NOTHING I can do. I just lost my best friend and I am fighting back tears as I type this. I don't know if I am asking a question or just ranting. I'd love to hear some objective opinions about my situation.
Ross MwcFan Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Couldn't you both get a place just outside of the city, so he will be happy, and you'll still be able to travel to work?
Author Calypso08 Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 That was my alternative...which he originally said would work. I told him I would be willing to drive 2 hours (to and from) work and home, so that we could live out in the country on an acre or two of land away from the chaos of the city. He told me today that it's not enough...he is coming from living on a 2000 acre farm and he would still feel cramped on even 2 acres.
rafallus Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Generally LDRs work, when there is definite deadline to close the distance. For indefinite situations, I've never seen it work.
LittleTiger Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 (edited) This is very sad but it sounds as though you're not compatible as a couple. Two people have to want the same things at the same time (or be working towards shared goals) for a relationship to work. Right now your job is the most important thing to you and it's what makes you happy - you're not willing to give that up as it's your top priority. At the moment, it's more important to you than he is. That's fair enough. For him, his environment is the priority. He needs to be where he is more than he needs to be with you. At least you can still be friends and you're young, so who knows what the future holds. Edited June 29, 2011 by LittleTiger
creighton0123 Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 That was my alternative...which he originally said would work. I told him I would be willing to drive 2 hours (to and from) work and home, so that we could live out in the country on an acre or two of land away from the chaos of the city. He told me today that it's not enough...he is coming from living on a 2000 acre farm and he would still feel cramped on even 2 acres. No, you wouldn't. Two hours, M-F is a long time. You leave for work at 7AM and don't get home until 7PM. It costs sooo much money in gas alone. It sounds like he's in his own little bubble and that is preventing him from living life to its fullest. He seems like he lacks in adventure and is unwilling to compromise. If he truly wants to be with you forever, he would have your attitude. He would be willing to live in a 200 square foot apartment in the middle of Hong Kong if it meant being with you. That's my idea of romance and dedication, at least, to make a long distance relationship end successfully.
Starvin4Perfection Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 I'm sorry Calypso, LDR's are really difficult and they only work if both people are truly committed and want the same thing. Life and love is all about compromise though. You're young though and will have lots of opportunities if things do not work for you two. If your job is so important to the point that you aren't willing to leave it, there's your answer. You don't want to look back at your life with regrets, if it's meant to work out with him, it will. Don't cry, you'll be ok.
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