sam1983 Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 So after my last post on here, spent the whole weekend on the phone talking and talking. I felt relieved as he noticed things were bad as well, and it is the longest we have spoke on the phone for months. The problem is, nothing in essence is going to change - I explained how I cannot carry on in a LDR indefinitely ( 2 years seeing each other every 6 months for three weeks) how I wish to have just a normal relationship and I need a finish date. He told me he cant/wont give up his job just yet, his gut instinct is telling him to stay in Afghan doing his current job - but he said he will try and get more leave etc, he wants us to meet in August for a week for a holiday to see if we can work it out etc. He kept saying he wanted us to have a future together etc, but how can we have a future when we never see each other?? Im pleased he is trying to make an effort, and we seem to be communicating much better now, but it isn't changing the fundamental issue, I do not want to be in a LDR anymore. I want to come home from work and for us to have dinner together everyday, and just do normal things together. We agreed to give things another go - but my gut instinct is telling me he will never give up this job for me. I just don't think his version of compromise is going to be enough for me - I think my patience/ability to survive an LDR has ran out, I am just sick of it. I feel so torn, I feel we need to at least try as we have been together four years and it will be throwing a lot away, but I am also fed up of being miserable and alone and only seeing him for 9 weeks of every year. My brain is currently doing battle with my gut instinct, and I just dont know what to think anymore : ( Has anyone been in a similar situation?
LittleTiger Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Yes, I'm in a similar situation - very similar actually. We've been LDR for coming up to two years with no definite end in sight yet. We see each other more often than you guys - 3 to 5 weeks every 3 to 4 months - but it's not enough for me and sometimes I go completely stir crazy from the distance. I think, if I had to wait 6 months like you do, I would probably end it - it's already hard enough. He told me he would be the one to move, but he has a really good career and makes good money and he doesn't want to give that up - to be fair to him, he can't give it up yet, and probably won't be able to for several years. I know he loves me but I always feel as though the goalposts are being moved a little bit at a time and I'm not 100% sure I can wait. I'm like you, I love him to bits, but I hate being in a LDR. 'I'm sick of it' is exactly how I feel too. It's a real Catch 22 situation. I'm not sure what to advise you other than to go with your gut instinct. Only you will know for sure when you've reached breaking point. I know I've come close several times recently but I'm hanging in there. (((Hugs)))
madjac74 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I feel so torn, I feel we need to at least try as we have been together four years and it will be throwing a lot away, but I am also fed up of being miserable and alone and only seeing him for 9 weeks of every year. My brain is currently doing battle with my gut instinct, and I just dont know what to think anymore : ( Has anyone been in a similar situation? I totally understand your dilemna. But you have to consider that you could end the relationship and still spend your life "miserable and alone". There is no guarantee that there is another love for you despite what people tell you when you end a relationship. I'm not trying to be a downer here and make you feel worse but I'm only expressing things I have considered in my LDR. What if she is "the one"? I havent seen my girlfriend in almost a year and it is physical and emotional torture; so I often weigh giving up what I know is amazing in so many ways to stop fighting for a fantasy I may never have versus being free of the wonders, worries and torments of so much time apart and possibly never finding that feeling for someone again. I probably was no help here at all only that I understand your situation and hopefully gave you something else to consider. These sort of life decisions make me angry for the couples who squander or take for granted the time they have together.
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