A break to Forgive me. But It feels like he's trying to forget me...

[Jess4]

Ok, I've been dating this guy for 4 months. He has been the second serious relationship I have been in (the other was almost 4 years).

 

To sum it up, He has been neglecting me since summer started because we don't see each other much, since he's too busy to visit me. (He visited me twice in total for one day) He would spend all this Friday nights with his buddies drinking and having fun and I would be here (car-less at the moment) since mine is being fixed. Meaning I'm stuck at home, my parents are driving me to work which is embarrassing for me at age 20, and my friends try to visit but since i got to college away, most of my friends live away. My grandma is living with us now (Which made tons of family problems) , so I've been just a messed, lonely and i got needy a bit. I kind of needed someone with me.

 

He would constantly complain about not having money, he hasn't even taken me out on a dinner date once. He tries to call me every night because I asked him if he could because of the distance between us now (He's only an hour and a half away). He couldn't really do that, when he did call he couldn't talk long, so I barely felt a part of his life. And b/c of my home life, I've been a wreak inside.

 

My mistake was when I was trying to distract myself because I was lonely. My ex started texting me, this ex was nothing special, I didn't love him, or care about him, and he was asking me back out and I rejected him because i was with someone I really wanted to be with. But he kept pestering so I sent him a nude pic to remember me goodbye (He had a ton so it was no big deal to me) and I stop talking to him. There is no excuse for what I did but I wanted you guys to understand that I didn't realize what I did was wrong.

 

I made another mistake around the same week, like within 2 days, with just a topless pic to someone that was a dick and was like "nip for nip" as he sends me one and was pestering me. I guess I was insecure and I just wanted someone to make me feel pretty. Since my bf wasn't doing that, even when I was telling him that this distance was killing me. He couldn't or really wouldn't do anything about it to see me, he was having fun living with his friends and doing his dream job for the summer. This distance of not seeing him and barely talking to him made me feel like he just didn't care. and I got so insecure.

 

I had no desire to cheat on him and I never physically did with anyone. I didn't even realize what I did was cheating, I didn't want to hurt him or cheat on him, I just wasn't thinking. I just played a game with a friend and sent those pics. I realized what I did was wrong but I didn't think at the time, I even forgot doing any of that, and forgot my phone didn't delete picture messages. so they were on my phone for like a week or two before I saw my bf for the second time this summer.

 

He went to the amazement park that I work for during the summer with me and some friends and when I ask him to send a text to a friend while I was on a ride that he didn't want to go on, he looked at my phone and pretty much invaded my privacy and saw those pics that were still in my outbox messages. After we left the park, it was just me and him in the car and he he asks me if there was something I needed to tell him. I was confused because in my head I didn't do anything wrong, I forgot about the pics, and I stop talking to those people but I know that really doesn't matter since it happened and I can't take that back. He says that his ex cheated on him and I yell back saying I'm not her. He leaves me that night.

 

He tells me that he just needs a break and that he loves me and needs time to forgive me. We planned a lot great things to do this summer, I even got a week off from work to go camping with him and his family. He said that I need to leave him COMPLETELY alone for him to think about everything and try and forgive me for 5 weeks till the camping trip and he said he wasn't like my first serious relationship and he'll be back. But he doesn't trust me now.

 

I've been a wreak before the breakup and now I'm just a huge wreak. I feel guilty and my apologizes can't change anything. My mind is controlling my emotions and it's been about 11 days and I've cried everyday. I contacted him a few times about 5 days ago, and he tells me to LEAVE HIM ALONE that he's trying to forgive me but I'm not letting him.

 

I stop looking at his facebook because he erased me there, and now has pics of all the fun things he's being doing with his friends up there for the past 10 days. Like there's nothing wrong with leaving me.

 

It almost feels like he looked at my phone to find an excuse to leave me so he can enjoy his summer with his friends and not have a need to talk to me. It's like he's trying to forget me, not forgive me.

 

I really can't describe how I feel, I'm so torn. I cut my hair and now I feel ugly. I'm guilty, and I just can't stop thinking about him. I can't. I want him back but I feel like maybe he's not willing to want me back even if he said he did. His actions tell me that, one of the last things I asked him was please reply if you really do care and want me to hold on? and he just sends me song lyrics that was about erasing all the thoughts in his head. (A room full of people in your head by cloud cult) I don't know how to take that, I feel like he's erasing me as well.

 

It hurts a lot. and I know there was no excuse for what I did but do I also deserve to suffer like this as a punishment? I feel trap in my head. someone please show me how I can forgive myself and put my mind at ease before I go insane. It hurts everyday, i'm crying, I get upset, I yell, I get mad at him, at myself. I need to stop this so I can function again as a human being.

 

Maybe my insecurities has taken me over too much and caused ALL THIS MESS. I'm heart broken AGAIN, and now i don't know who to blame but myself. I KNOW I made a mistake, and I know this is punishment, but it's unfair. I don't know! I'm so confused!

 

Sorry I wrote so much. I need to get it all off my chest.

[RockinZ28]

you didn't know what you did was wrong? you didn't know what you did was cheating? if you seriously believe this, you need a professional mental evaluation from a physician. I'm sorry but this is one of the weakest cop outs i've seen, and even though you may not have had physical contact with the ex, the fact that he FOUND them in your outbox would shatter any trust in the relationship. Unless he changes his mind, I'd say this ones in the gutter

[geegirl]

You need to send naked pictures of yourself to men just because you need attention? Do you even see how unhealthy it is that you 1) will stoop so low to get some man to pay attention to you 2) will do anything to get attention. You're self-destructive. Then you chop off your hair.

 

I digress. Are you surprised that he may want to forget you? I would if my ex did that to me. How can he trust you again? I wouldn't.

 

The next time you are lonely and trying to distract yourself, take up a hobby, read a book, go out with friends, etc. Don't send men naked pictures of yourself, especially when you have a boyfriend. Once is a mistake, slip up or just stupid, twice isn't a mistake anymore...seems like you actually get a kick out of it.

[vsmini]

You think what's happening to YOU is unfair?

Get a clue.

 

You humiliated him by doing what you did. I didn't think it was wrong my A$$. He's an idiot if he takes you back. If he does take you back - remember he is young and will most likely realize that there are women out there that would never pull that kind of teenage behavior. Basically - even if he does take you back....it will never be the same and he'll break up with you again eventually.

 

Learn from this experience.

 

SRSLY - what is it with young girls and celebs constantly taking nude pics of themselves and sending them to other people? I will never understand this. I'm only 28 so it's not like I'm that out of the loop with cell phone antics.

[Jess4]

Ok for one, it was around the same time, like literally in a day or two spam that that happened.

 

I was seeking help to calm myself. I'm SORRY someone can get insecure sometimes.

 

I wasn't thinking I know, but you guys are heartless. I already admit that I did something wrong. I already know I did, but at the time I was depressed low and lonely I didn't. I did learn from it, I just wanted some support since I'm having a hard time.

 

Everyone makes mistakes. But do people really DESERVE TO SUFFER? I'm speechless. No sympathy or care. Sorry for pouring my heart out.

 

The fact that you guys weren't understanding really upsets an already upset me. I was hoping someone understood what I went through. There are more factors than it being black and white.

 

Thanks for nothing.

[geegirl]

Feeling insecure in a relationship is one thing. We can empathize and provide you with advice or words of support in how to best approach the situation. You sent naked pictures of yourself to other men while in a relationship with someone else. How would you like us to sugar coat it for you? And understand that most posters on here are probably going through the hurt of a partner/ex that has betrayed, cheated, manipulated, hurt them in some shape or form. It would be quiet difficult to have sympathy for someone who wants support for betraying a partner.

 

I'm sorry but you can't blame your ex for feeling this way. Trust is earned and you broke it. Actions have consequences. You have to live with it and learn from it.

 

The bigger picture here, and the most important one is the state of mind that you are in...

 

Feeling insecure to the point of using your body to get the attention of other men, while committed to someone else, is a huge indication that you need to work on yourself in terms of building your self-worth. The fact that you would hit that low just to get someone to notice you, is a warning sign.

 

I do believe that you need to work on yourself. You need to find value and respect for yourself. You don't need the attention of other men to sustain your worth. You have to find it within yourself. This R maybe be a done deal for you, but what you can do for yourself now is learn from what you've done, understand and fix what's making you steer in a negative path and hopefully you will be much healthier emotionally to deal with ups and downs in a relationship in a more positive manner.

 

Good luck to you.

[Rinas]

It wasn't just one mistake, you sent your picture one more than once.

 

If you were feeling insecure in your relationship, you should have talked to your partner. Not other men.

 

You don't need a man to tell you that you're pretty. They sure don't need to see a naked body to call a girl pretty either.

 

If he takes you back, make sure not to repeat these actions. If he doesn't, you can learn from these mistakes and move on.