AlisaMarie Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Wow, I have come so far from Nov 2010. Not! I keep telling myself if I just would have stayed away when he left last July I may be married and starting a family by now! It hurts just as much, if not more, than last year. The same guy does not deserve to have my soul in pieces 2 times! I promise myself, next summer I will be laying on the beach absorbing the sun instead of sitting in the dark behind my computer wondering what he's doing. The longest I have gone NC with him was a little over 3 weeks from Nov-Dec with him contacting me a couple times- I ignored. My set goal is one month so I am 1/4 of the way there I guess. Yay for me. fml
geegirl Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Wow, I have come so far from Nov 2010. Not! I keep telling myself if I just would have stayed away when he left last July I may be married and starting a family by now! It hurts just as much, if not more, than last year. The same guy does not deserve to have my soul in pieces 2 times! I promise myself, next summer I will be laying on the beach absorbing the sun instead of sitting in the dark behind my computer wondering what he's doing. The longest I have gone NC with him was a little over 3 weeks from Nov-Dec with him contacting me a couple times- I ignored. My set goal is one month so I am 1/4 of the way there I guess. Yay for me. fml And if I never ever met the a****** 2.5 years ago, I don't know where I would be. Ugh. I saw him yesterday with his new girl. Parking in his driveway and walking up to the front door. Puke. I cried a little and was okay after that. 6 months ago, I was dying for a week when I saw him with another girl. Two different girls in 6 months, actually three. Now, just a few tears, a dull pain in my heart and a feeling of loss for what could have been (sometimes I drift to lalaland). While we wish we didn't have to learn life's lessons the hard way, sometimes it's a blessing in disguise. Keep those goals Alisa! I wanted to send him a text last night but I held strong! Feeling like crap but texting him would have made me feel "crapper"!
Author AlisaMarie Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 And if I never ever met the a****** 2.5 years ago, I don't know where I would be. Ugh. I saw him yesterday with his new girl. Parking in his driveway and walking up to the front door. Puke. I cried a little and was okay after that. 6 months ago, I was dying for a week when I saw him with another girl. Two different girls in 6 months, actually three. Now, just a few tears, a dull pain in my heart and a feeling of loss for what could have been (sometimes I drift to lalaland). While we wish we didn't have to learn life's lessons the hard way, sometimes it's a blessing in disguise. Keep those goals Alisa! I wanted to send him a text last night but I held strong! Feeling like crap but texting him would have made me feel "crapper"! Thank you geegirl! I try not to live in lalaland, but because of the pattern of our relationship, I am "waiting" for something. What? I have no idea. I am too stubborn to break NC, but I will lay here and cry for weeks in the mean time. I don't want to be that delusional girl that's waiting for him to see the light and coming running back. It's just that he always has before. I almost feel as if he misses me and knows that every time he does this it's a mistake. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
geegirl Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Thank you geegirl! I try not to live in lalaland, but because of the pattern of our relationship, I am "waiting" for something. What? I have no idea. I am too stubborn to break NC, but I will lay here and cry for weeks in the mean time. I don't want to be that delusional girl that's waiting for him to see the light and coming running back. It's just that he always has before. I almost feel as if he misses me and knows that every time he does this it's a mistake. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I try not to live in lalaland. The truth is my ex is so toxic that I should never even entertain fantasizing. It will take some time for all hope to completely die. I don't even know what I hope for. I guess I sometimes romanticize him, picking out little bits of pieces of good times. When what I should be doing is realizing that the bad far outweighed the good. An R is not sustaining if all it gives you is bits and pieces of good. I think you have to try to stop focusing on what his actions mean and what is going on in his mind -- stop focusing on the surface. Start focusing on the realities of what he is and the R and whether it is even worth reviving, if the opportunity presented itself. We miss the R and the ex but the bigger picture is, is it wise to go back to an unhealthy R/partner.
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