jon808 Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 (edited) Hi there, i'm new around here and wanted to ask some advice as i'm a bit confused and really need to work out what's going on Now and again i work in a local bar/restaurant. Im 30 and male. Theres a gorgeous girl there who is younger than me (19 - i know, i know, but i don't act my age at all and have always gone out with younger girls). So over the last 6 months, we have been working together occasionally and hit it off straight away. We laugh A LOT at each other, flirt lots and lots (not sexual at all, but its very obvious flirting, so much so that everyone thinks theres something going on....). We like the same things, and as it turns out are very similar. More recently, she has started to stay behind now and again after her shifts to chat to me (i work later than her), once it was 7 hours! Last night we finished at the same time and stayed behind till 4am just chatting and laughing together on our own... OK so aside from work, we text a lot (most days, sometimes more), and these tend to be longish texts about nothing much, just a continuation of the way we are when we are together. I always start the text conversations, but she is just as flirty with me when we do that. Occasionally she doesn't reply to my last text but its not an issue. My Q is in 2 parts: 1 - All the signs are there she is really into me (and that i'm into her as i now really am)...but how do i know for sure? I've not gotten on this well with a girl for a loooong time and i can really see us together. Or am i just reading too much into this? 2 - How do i approach things without ruining it if it comes to it? Other info: * She has a boyfriend, but I have been told by my mate (who was told by her) that she is splitting up from in a couple of months when he goes away to university. * I am at the end of a 3 year relationship * All my ex girlfriends have tended to be attractive, funny girls and this one is just perfect for me Thanks in advance for any help or advice you can give me! Edited June 29, 2011 by jon808
smudge21 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 She has a boyfriend. As much as this feels perfect for you, that huge red flag should be clear enough. Okay, she may be leaving him, but currently she HAS a boyfriend. I've been here and fallen for that before. The way we got along was perfect but she too HAD a boyfriend. I ignored the flag and believed all the stuff about him not being there for her, her not happy and wanting out. I fell deep for this girl. So deep that when I eventually got badly hurt, it took a long time to get myself back up. If I could have that time again, I would still chat and flirt and enjoy her attention, but I would also say that as she HAS a boyfriend, we can't take it any further. Only keep it friendly and just have fun. Simple. If she really wanted more, then at least now she would now my terms for that. Obviously every situation is different, but remember there is nothing worse than wanting what you can't have - it can drive you crazy. So sort this out before you fall for her (if you haven't already). You never know, being honest with her may force the issue and things could work out for the best. That's my opinion anyway. Good luck.
Author jon808 Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 Thanks for the advice. While i certainly wont be doing anything at all until that situation is resolved, I really just want to keep her onside without going too far. I think the fact we spend more time than we should together and that we text and stuff means we have clicked in some way or another and we do flirt a lot which is all harmless. I just dont want to mess anything up and see what happens
Coil Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Firstly Smudge really beat me to the punch. Dude she has a boyfriend and you are AT THE END of a three year relationship?! You are both in relationships and seem to have a similar character. You 2 might actually be perfect for each other. 30 yr old with 19 yr old is a whole other issue on its own that I feel could make it more difficult to have a serious relationship. QUOTE i don't act my age at all and have always gone out with younger girls END QUOTE Fresh young meat is easy prey isn't it? If you acted your age you would probably date women that were closer to your age and not line people up on the side while you/they have existing relationships. Thanks for the advice. While i certainly wont be doing anything at all until that situation is resolved, I really just want to keep her onside without going too far. I think the fact we spend more time than we should together and that we text and stuff means we have clicked in some way or another and we do flirt a lot which is all harmless. I just dont want to mess anything up and see what happens Above BOLDED. I guess it is all good as long as you both are aware that you are keeping replacements for each other for when it doesn't work out. I feel sorry for both of the significant others in this situation. I know that I would hate for my SO to be flirting, chatting it up, hanging out, clicking, bonding, etc with members of the opposite sex. I can understand this behavior from someone who is 19 a bit more... anyway not trying to be hateful, just being a realist. I'd say notch it at best, but don't expect to marry this girl! GL
spacegirlspiff Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 I think it is very obvious that she's into you. I'm not ashamed to say that I've stayed back after work because of a guy, just like what she did with you. However since both of you are not single, starting anything right now is not a good idea at all.
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