mine4 Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 (edited) I had a relationship in the last year of my studies, before which i didn't have even a single guy as friend. And this guy meant everything to me. Initially he was very caring, expressive and used to console me even for my silly problems. Used to spend most of the time with me. But when goes home he will always be busy with his own work. After sometime everything gradually reduced. We had frequent quarrels. He stopped caring about me. He started lying.Because i spent most of my time with him i lost my two close friends and cared nothing about that and used to talk well with them. And after too many fights we finally broke up:lmao:. But i am not able to get over him. I talk to him daily. If he doesn't talk to me even a day i go crazy and again fight with him. I want him back badly. And he is very clear its over. Edited June 29, 2011 by mine4
PegNosePete Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 But i am not able to get over him. I talk to him daily. Cause and effect. How do you expect to get over him if you talk to him daily? You need to not be friends with him. A friendship can't work if one wants more but the other doesn't. You need to go NC with him. Yes it will be hard at first but in the long run it will be better.
carhill Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Welcome to LS What this guy gave you meant everything to you. The specifics of his humanity and personal value are interchangeable. I infer this due to the centric nature of your post. You don't say 'I miss doing all the little loving things for him and whispering 'I love you' in his ear. Rather, the post is primarily about you, how he consoled you, how he cared about you, etc, etc. You're young (studies) so consider this a learning experience. He's young too, so that's why he's still talking to you. As we get older, the value of our words, and our loving actions, gains more influence on those words and actions and fewer people enjoy the full benefit of them.
geegirl Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I had a relationship in the last year of my studies, before which i didn't have even a single guy as friend. And this guy meant everything to me. Initially he was very caring, expressive and used to console me even for my silly problems. Used to spend most of the time with me. But when goes home he will always be busy with his own work. After sometime everything gradually reduced. We had frequent quarrels. He stopped caring about me. He started lying. And after too many fights we finally broke up:lmao:. But i am not able to get over him. I talk to him daily. If he doesn't talk to me even a day i go crazy and again fight with him. I want him back badly. And he is very clear its over. You can't get over him because you talk to him everyday. As crazy as you get if you don't talk to him, your only way out is to stop. You need to get realistic about the situation. You can't be with someone that doesn't want to be with you. You're in extreme denial and fear. Only way out is NC. It's over for him. You have to start getting a grip and accepting the fact that you're going to have to feel the pain of detoxing from him and moving on. The alternative is getting crazy everyday and hurting indefinitely.
Author mine4 Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 I know i should stop talking to him. I have tried it but just cant do it. I dont understand how he talks to me daily without any confusion. And after getting it very clear, he wished me in the mid night on my birthday. He told me he called a little earlier so that he will be the first to wish me. What does that explain?
geegirl Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I know i should stop talking to him. I have tried it but just cant do it. I dont understand how he talks to me daily without any confusion. And after getting it very clear, he wished me in the mid night on my birthday. He told me he called a little earlier so that he will be the first to wish me. What does that explain? You can't do it because you're not sick and tired of being sick and tired. You're still hopeful that he might turn around. Until you give up all hope, see it for what it is, decide to put yourself first, get tired of the rollercoaster ride of emotions...only then you will be able to do it. For now, you have hope and would rather stand in the fire and wait than get out. He can talk to you everyday because he is not emotionally invested in you the way you are. He is detached emotionally so he's casual about it. You are attached emotionally so you're all over the place. It doesn't explain anything. Maybe he still cares for you as a person/friend but that is all it is. He just wished you at midnight. He didn't wish you at midnight, declare undying love and ask for you to be back in his life. Don't read into these little gestures as signs of hope. Plus, if you're there to still cater to him, he is going to give you just enough to keep you interested, because after all you're an ego boost to him. And he may just like your company in general, but not in the form of a relationship.
Author mine4 Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 I didn't talk to him yesterday fully. But i do nothing other than thinking aout him. Dont know how long i will be like this. kindly advice what to do to divert myself.
amethyste Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I know someone who said she doesn't go to sleep until she prays to God to help her forget her ex. It sounds so silly... "I MUST remember to pray to God daily, so he can help me forget about my ex." Anyway, like everybody else already told you: stop talking to him. A day will pass, then 2, then a week, a month & so on. Time will heal everything. Do you have any hobbies? Is there anything you always wanted to learn how to do (like... dancing, cooking, painting)? You could take some classes. Personally, I'm crafty, so I invest time into this. It helps me to relax & to think about something else (about what materials I'll need, how to sort them, and so on). I love sorting stuff... so I took everything out of all of my closets, and now I'm rearranging all of those things (clothes, jewelry, shoes, books, buttons, fabrics, pencils, towels, sheets... everything). I'm doing it slowly, so it'll take me more days You could even go for redecorating a space. I think it's better when you have some other things to worry about (in this case, instead of thinking only about your ex, you'll have something else to think about - like how would a new wallpaper go, what item could go with it etc.). These are only some examples. You could also start working out, if you're not doing it already. That's going to consume you some time too.
nana841121 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Love is for building up, not consuming up. you are a complete woman with or without him. work on yourself.
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