CasualNinja Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 It is a pretty long story so bear with me, and any advice or help I can get I appreciate. I met this girl through a dating website about a month ago, I had only used this route 1 other time to find someone before, so I figured what the heck. We added each other on Facebook and would joke with each other on different status updates. Then, I asked her if she wanted to go out that Friday coming up, she responded back with how bout tonight? That caught me a little off guard because she was so interested. We ended up going out, and had a great time. She brought me into her house before we left that night, so I could meet her Mom. It was a little weird, but I looked at it as her Mom wanting to get an impression of me, just in case anything bad happened. I knew going into this, she had 2 kids, and I was also aware she didn't currently have a job. The next day I texted her because we were going out that night, she mentioned about maybe borrowing some money to get an outfit. I didn't mind doing that, and also I asked to hang out with her kids. She was a little nervous at first, but we did do that and the kids had a blast. The next 2 weeks or so, involved us hanging out all the time, and at times going out at night to different bars and clubs. I'm not really into that scene, but did it to make her happy and have a good time. I asked her to be exclusive with me after like a week and a half cause my feelings were so strong for her, she responded to take it slow, and I agreed. Just thought I'd throw that in there as well. Here is the part of the story where I need some help on. Our first sort of fight came when I didn't show up one day to hang out with her. Her cousin got into my ear saying that my girl was using me, and asking if we had slept together yet (the answer was no). I listened to her cousin, then stopped talking to my girl for 2 days. Out of the blue, my girl called me 2 days later, and asked me to not talk to her cousin anymore, and said all the stuff she said was bull****. We met up that night, and talked for a few hours, and I talked to her Mom about stuff as well. We would hang out for the next week, then over the weekend, she was supposed to come to a family function of mine, but hung out with her dad and the kids that day, which was totally fine, and I know she wasn't lying about that. I think she was kind of nervous with meeting my family as well with insecurities maybe of not working or something. We would go out 1 more night after that, then we kind of don't talk now for the occasional texts back and forth. I will mention some other points separately, and feel free to ask any questions, because I want to know what I should do in terms of moving forward with or without her. - Her Dad seemed to like me, and thought I was a perfect guy for his daughter (the Dad doesn't live with the Mom, but still helps with money situation) - Her Mom liked me at first, but the other day thought it was weird for me to be hanging around all the time with her. (I have feelings for her, don't know why it would be so weird, maybe most guys just use her for sex then dump her) - Her kids absolutely love me, we have a great time together and they always look forward to seeing me - My girl always seemed to like to go to clubs/bars that had more people, and rarely would go to a low key spot because she said it was boring. - She would refer to me as her friend when we went out, or when people would ask us if we were a couple. (I can understand it somewhat, because we weren't a "couple" yet, but I always felt awkward in those spots) - I have bought her things throughout this relationship, as I feel the guy should especially when I work. (She gets food stamps, and child support, but currently the ex is in jail for not paying child support. Her parents also give her money as well.) - We haven't slept together, but have kissed plenty of times. (This isn't a big issue on my part, but just mentioning it in case it is asked) - She has accused me of getting jealous when we have been out, but let me put it to you this way, she has hugged and danced with guys she knows while we are out, and I haven't said a word, then later in the night I'll be dancing with her, and she'll say you don't have to be up on me all night, why are u jealous or something? - When we don't go out and drink, we have an incredible time together, but it seems like she will never get away from that scene. When I would take her out at night, she would wait til her kids went to bed, then they would stay with her Mom. I don't know if her Mom kind of wanted us to take a break, so she stops going out at night. I even told her Mom straight up on the phone, that I'd rather not go out at night as well, that isn't my thing. Now I'm gonna ask you guys for help, if you have any questions about stuff I might have left out, let me know, I want to know whether I should wait it out, and try to stay with her down the road, whether she is relationship worthy. I have been talking to other girls the last couple days since we stopped hanging, just to throw that out there as well. My point also is, I'm in my mid-20's and she is the same age, but I'm looking to find a girl to settle me, maybe for the rest of my life, I'm not getting any younger, u know
Andy_K Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 To be honest I think you should listen to the cousin.
Damien Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Personally, I think it's a little bit too much drama to be honest. She has an ex that's in jail, which is something to think about. I would also be uncomfortable if I were referred to as a friend in that situation - sure, you're not a couple yet but you're still technically dating, no? In Long-term, what do you want in life? Do you want kids of your own someday or are you fine with raising kids where you aren't the biological parent? Would you be fine with having to support the whole family financially on your own pay-check? Just a few things to think about really. I'm in my early 20s so I probably have a lot less experience than most people on here but feel free to correct me. I would just wait it out a little bit and see how things progress but at the same time keep an open mind and listen to her cousin. Keep us posted
Author CasualNinja Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 I appreciate the feedback and hope to hear more. I understand it is a ton of drama. I would consider that we were dating as we were hanging out everyday. I guess she didn't see that like it, and was always deadset on saying we were friends. I would feel a little awkward when the biological father was out of jail, when it came to his kids, but I would never treat kids differently because of that. I wouldn't mind having kids of my own one day, but it isn't a necessity. I'm probably the nicest guy she ever met, and I'm not tooting my own horn, but i'm genuinely just a really nice guy. I know they say nice guys finish last though. LOL. I want to be able to settle with a woman sometime soon, that is why I'm not really big on the club/bar scene. I did that a few years back, and used it for random hook ups. I don't want that anymore. We are the same age. I wouldn't mind being the bread winner in the family, but I'm not going to be it, if we aren't even a couple. Also, you are in your early 20's, but we all have experience in different situations, that could help someone avoid something that they've gone through before, if u know what I'm saying. The worst part of all this, was I had never fallen so hard for a girl so quick in my life. I might wait it out, but it isn't going to stop me from trying to progress with someone new.
Author CasualNinja Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 Have any of you guys ever encountered a girl asking for something that quick into a relationship before?
Damien Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Have any of you guys ever encountered a girl asking for something that quick into a relationship before? Asking what, exactly? (You've written a lot and it's hard to figure out what you're referring to.)
Author CasualNinja Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 A girl asking for you to buy outfits, or other items so quick into talking to them. I'm not referring to going out on dates, and paying that way
Damien Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 A girl asking for you to buy outfits, or other items so quick into talking to them. I'm not referring to going out on dates, and paying that way Ahh, okay. Nope, I have never experienced anything like that at all. My ex was an unemployed student that had a horrible spending habit, never did she ask me to buy her things. But now that you put it that way, it is strange she's asked you do that - I'm a nice guy also and probably wouldn't say no it. Personally, I would only buy things for someone I knew a little better and actually considered us two to be 'dating'. How often does she ask you to buy things by the way? It's tough on a single mum I bet but still, asking for clothes seems a little off.
Author CasualNinja Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 She only really brought up an outfit, if we were going out to a really nice club. I would buy the occasional pack of cigs or something like that. I agree, it started to get irritating when I'm doing all this stuff for her and her kids, and she won't even consider me her boyfriend. Also, I think us hanging out everyday also became part of the problem, because she looked at it as 3 weeks isn't enough to know if you really want to be that person exclusive I guess. I looked at it as, 3 straight weeks of hanging out, you should know by now. I wasn't looking for sex or something in return for doing this stuff, I had it in my mind, to try and make a real relationship out of this. I'm a really nice guy as well, and I guess in this relationship it could've been my downfall
Damien Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Well, it really doesn't seem like you two would be a good match to be honest. I understand that you've grown to like her and all but after 3 straight weeks surely she'll end up being exclusive. I mean c'mon, you've met her parents! It's really surprising how fast she introduced you to them. Just go straight up and ask her sometime soon, if not move on. Should be plenty of girls out there that are actually looking for something a bit more serious / a relationship.
Realitycheck1 Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 She is most definitely using you. She is not interested in you as boyfriend, nor will she ever be. Duh...she has two kids with a boyfriend in jail! What exactly is going through your mind? Never ceases to amaze me how men will rationalize away the most absurd, obnoxious, and inconsiderate behavior from a woman in the hopes of one day getting in her pants.
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