knime32 Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 My ex and I have been off and on for almost 8 years now. Mostly its been on and since December 2009 we've had 4, now 5 breaks, we've dated other people and come back to each other. This most recent event blindsided me and has been cruel and heartless but I still can't help but feel for him. We'd had a rocky time over the last year and a half due to lack of all kinds of communications about our relationship and expectations and the 4 breakups were really due to not being able to communicate and frustrations over that. This last time we had been doing really well and a week before we were supposed to take a weekend trip to the beach together he tells me that he's confused and needs time to think and that he isn't sure if he's ready to settle down right now or not. I haven't heard anything from him since. I have since found out that he's dating someone who has just graduated from high school (2010). She's 18 and we're both 24. I'm extremely hurt and confused over this. She has no future, no ambitions, has slept around with everyone in our little county (everyone knows everyones business when you're in a small town) and is not anywhere near the calibur of person that he is and doesn't come close to me. I'm a college graduate from a presitigious university and have a good career and he's a police officer and has a bright future ahead of him. He is having a difficult time accepting the fact that he is an adult and that its time to grow up and be responsible and is treating everyone around him like complete crap! Not just me, but his family, his friends, everyone. I cant help but think that these episodes are a cry and attempt to go back to being a carefree juvenile and I'm extremely confused as to why he's with her. He hasn't known her but for a little over a month, she already stays with him in his brand new house (which we were building together), and is trying to stir up drama with me, his family and our mutual friends. I feel this is because I haven't been reacting in the way that he wants me to (i.e. calling him constantly, texting him, facebooking him, trying to find out everything thats going on, getting jealous and blowing a lid because she's so young). I dont think he really cares about her and I think she's just using him because of his status and what he has to offer. Any thoughts on this? I feel he's with her because he's being pressured by everyone around to settle down and propose and get married (not by me) and she's the furthest thing from that right now. I've been NC with him with the exception of a drunk text and a text after I first found out about this new girl (but it only read: if you wanted to be with someone else, why didnt you just say that instead of saying you were confused and never talking to me again) and I'm just tired of playing these immature and childish games. I love him and want to work things out with him, but I know right now its just impossible. I can't help and fix something when the other partner isnt there and doesnt want help! I've been denied an actual breakup, any kind of closure or any explanation. Just needed a good vent and some support here!
PegNosePete Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 He is having a difficult time accepting the fact that he is an adult and that its time to grow up and be responsible In your opinion. There is no law about this! Obviously it is not that time, in his opinion. I dont think he really cares about her You should be more concerned with you. Do you think he really cares about you? Would he be off with her if he did? Really? How would he react if the positions were reversed? I'm just tired of playing these immature and childish games. Well, he obviously is not. He is loving the attention and being free and single. So what are you going to do, put your life on hold while you wait around for him to grow up and "settle down", and just hope that he chooses to settle down with you instead of her? How much of your life are you going to waste being his backup plan? And even if you do get together again, it seems like your relationship is doomed anyway! 5 breaks in the last 18 months?? Come on, surely that dead horse has been flogged enough? I've been denied an actual breakup, any kind of closure or any explanation. Nobody can deny you an actual breakup. Just tell him that it's over forever. Closure, well that comes from within you, not from anything he can say. Explanation, he's a jerk.
wilsonx Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 you should read up on G.I.G.S grass is greenier on the other side syndrome. Its devastating to relationships. Search for homebrew in these forums Right now there's absolutely nothing you can say or do to fix this in him. He won't listen won't care whatever you say about it. I'm going through the same ****ing thing right now and it hurts really bad so I feel your pain. My ex left me for a guy 14 years older then her that she works with because he wants to party all the time. I'm going to tell you to move on, he wants to go out, have fun and do other things. Heal from the damage that this relationship has caused, stay no contact from him, move forward with your life and heal and become a better person. If you have had that many breaks, your relationship is not working
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