Anna86 Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Any advice would be great on this guy..... Met him a few weeks ago. He is nice. He is really sweet to me. He treats me well. But, he says some STRANGE things sometimes which I can't get over!! He met my friends and they said he seems a bit awkward and nervous. He is a good looking guy with lots of confidence so I don't get why he acts weird sometimes. I told him last week I am not interested. He respected my decision for like a day. He continued to text me about random stuff! I never reply as I think its unfair to lead him on. Anyway, today he sent me flowers at work today as a ''surprise''!! Of course, I had to contact him to say thanks and now he is asking me if I want to meet up as just friends.. What do I do??? Is this a sweet guy who deserves a second chance?? Or the start of a really creepy relationship!!! What do u guys think.....Just out of a relationship. In general, it takes me a long time to fall for someone. But is this a bit much?
vsmini Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 What type of strange things did he say and was this the reason you were not interested? Yea - I'd like to know the answer to that as well. Who is this guy fooling? Friends don't send each other flowers so him wanting to meet up as "just friends" is silly. You need to firmly state that you are not interested - don't meet up with him as that will lead him on even more and insure that you keep getting bothered. It's not sweet - it's pushing your boundaries and it's inconsiderate.
Author Anna86 Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 Well, clearly there are things I like about him. We have some stuff in common. Everything is fine, then he starts been weird. Firstly, he just has a weird attitude. I can't put my finger on it. If I am sitting down he will observe my body language and ask why I am moving away from him. He notices everything and its just a bit much. We were sitting down enjoying a drink and he kept saying that some creepy man was looking at me and making weird gestures to him. He wouldn't stop going on about it. I didn't see but felt uncomfortable that he was bringing it up. Then, he told me about how he is popular with girls. I have never met a guy who openly says that. He told me after he said it as he thought it would make me like him. Didn't work. I am not over my ex so I am trying to just see beyond these things and see if I am just guarded or if h really is a weirdo??? Oh, I am so bad at this single life stuff now!! I think he is a creepy dude, but I could be wrong. My friends are unsure also.
BetheButterfly Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Well, clearly there are things I like about him. We have some stuff in common. Everything is fine, then he starts been weird. Firstly, he just has a weird attitude. I can't put my finger on it. If I am sitting down he will observe my body language and ask why I am moving away from him. He notices everything and its just a bit much. We were sitting down enjoying a drink and he kept saying that some creepy man was looking at me and making weird gestures to him. He wouldn't stop going on about it. I didn't see but felt uncomfortable that he was bringing it up. Then, he told me about how he is popular with girls. I have never met a guy who openly says that. He told me after he said it as he thought it would make me like him. Didn't work. I am not over my ex so I am trying to just see beyond these things and see if I am just guarded or if h really is a weirdo??? Oh, I am so bad at this single life stuff now!! I think he is a creepy dude, but I could be wrong. My friends are unsure also. He is a creepy dude. Tell him no thank you and if he continues to pursue you, that you will call the cops. Seriously, guys like this are potential stalkers. Leave him alone and if you have to, yell at him in public to leave you alone. The things that you like about him should not blind you to the way off way he is behaving towards you. Don't let him hurt you.
oldguy Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 He is creepy, you should have called him about the flowers to tell him not to do it again & not agreed to meet up with him. You may be forced to be a little rude to get rid of him or adjust to dating a stalker.
nyc_guy2003 Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Well, clearly there are things I like about him. We have some stuff in common. Everything is fine, then he starts been weird. Firstly, he just has a weird attitude. I can't put my finger on it. If I am sitting down he will observe my body language and ask why I am moving away from him. He notices everything and its just a bit much. We were sitting down enjoying a drink and he kept saying that some creepy man was looking at me and making weird gestures to him. He wouldn't stop going on about it. I didn't see but felt uncomfortable that he was bringing it up. Then, he told me about how he is popular with girls. I have never met a guy who openly says that. He told me after he said it as he thought it would make me like him. Didn't work. I am not over my ex so I am trying to just see beyond these things and see if I am just guarded or if h really is a weirdo??? Oh, I am so bad at this single life stuff now!! I think he is a creepy dude, but I could be wrong. My friends are unsure also. The stuff you mentioned here doesn't really sound creepy, more like he just does not have very good social skills. Unlike good looking women, good looking men don't always attract a lot of attention and therefore don't always develop the best social skills over time.
Author Anna86 Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 I think you are right. He is creepy. I basically told him over facebook chat 'thanks for the flowers' and then I told him I can't offer him anything. He acted a bit weird. Then told me that He would do anything to keep me in his life. I then said that I'm getting back with my ex. I mean, if this doesn't get rid of someone, what will?? Then..after that he asked me for DINNER!! Come on.... Okay, so if he contacts me again, what can I say? How can I make him go away forever without being too rude (I find it hard to be rude) We live in the same place so I am scared I will meet him again when he is drunk or something......Oh, single life sucks. You think u meet a charmer and find out they are pretty much insane.
vsmini Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I think you are right. He is creepy. I basically told him over facebook chat 'thanks for the flowers' and then I told him I can't offer him anything. He acted a bit weird. Then told me that He would do anything to keep me in his life. I then said that I'm getting back with my ex. I mean, if this doesn't get rid of someone, what will?? Then..after that he asked me for DINNER!! Come on.... Okay, so if he contacts me again, what can I say? How can I make him go away forever without being too rude (I find it hard to be rude) We live in the same place so I am scared I will meet him again when he is drunk or something......Oh, single life sucks. You think u meet a charmer and find out they are pretty much insane. He's probably one of those people that want's what he can't have and is just desperate to prove to himself that he can win you over. NO CONTACT. Obviously you've resorted to lying (about your ex) and that's not working. Don't respond. You can't be nice because you've tried that and he basically has shown you that doesn't work. Block him on FB, do not take his calls. You might find it hard to be rude but he obviously doesn't find it that hard. Might be uncomfortable to no contact him but it will be more uncomfortable having to deal with him like this forever.
Author Anna86 Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 True.. I will have to be rude,if he contacts again. I keep giving short answers and don't encourage conversation. I would have been friends with him but I don't think its possible anymore. I just need to make sure I am not too rude as we live in the same area and go to the same places. I know that men become aggressive and mean at times when their ego is bruised, especially when drunk. I have blocked him from facebook so he can't see when I am online and I won't respond back to text messages. That is not like me, but I have never been around someone so weird before........ I hope there are some normal men out there. I am sooo thankful I see his true colors now and not after meeting up a few more times....phew!!
vsmini Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 True.. I will have to be rude,if he contacts again. I keep giving short answers and don't encourage conversation. I would have been friends with him but I don't think its possible anymore. I just need to make sure I am not too rude as we live in the same area and go to the same places. I know that men become aggressive and mean at times when their ego is bruised, especially when drunk. I have blocked him from facebook so he can't see when I am online and I won't respond back to text messages. That is not like me, but I have never been around someone so weird before........ I hope there are some normal men out there. I am sooo thankful I see his true colors now and not after meeting up a few more times....phew!! Best thing to do is completely ignore him. Don't be rude - as that would most likely entail you conversing wtih him on some level. No contact him
make me believe Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Ew he's totally weird. You need to completely cut contact with him! Block him on facebook and don't respond to any of his texts/calls. Just ignore him 100%.
california15 Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 if you have to stop and ask yourself if he is creepy, that should be a flag. Recognize the flag. Don't ignore it.
spiderowl Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 It could go either way. It depends really whether he has been told in the past that if you want a girl you have to pursue her and not give up too easily. Some guys do believe this and are not stalkers. Others are a little more unstable though. Basically, if he really liked you, he won't want to just give up without being sure you really don't want him. He's hoping you'll change your mind or at least that he'll get to hang out with you. Although he wants to be a friend he may struggle with just being a friend. A guy who really likes you as a person and is physically attracted is going to be torn and may opt to try to be a friend and see if they can cope. It's up to you whether you allow him to try this though. If it gets too much, you need to be clear with him about it not turning into a romance. Only when he really understands you mean it, will he give up. You can't blame him for holding out a bit of hope but if it's really a non-starter, he'll have to cope at some point.
Knittress Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Be rude. His behavior is intimidating and controlling, and that's not okay. Even if it appears to be superficially sweet/polite, it's NOT. In fact, you should be angry at how he feels entitled to your attention and disrespects your feelings.
LexiB Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 (edited) Any advice would be great on this guy..... Met him a few weeks ago. He is nice. He is really sweet to me. He treats me well. But, he says some STRANGE things sometimes which I can't get over!! He met my friends and they said he seems a bit awkward and nervous. He is a good looking guy with lots of confidence so I don't get why he acts weird sometimes. I told him last week I am not interested. He respected my decision for like a day. He continued to text me about random stuff! I never reply as I think its unfair to lead him on. Anyway, today he sent me flowers at work today as a ''surprise''!! Of course, I had to contact him to say thanks and now he is asking me if I want to meet up as just friends.. What do I do??? Is this a sweet guy who deserves a second chance?? Or the start of a really creepy relationship!!! What do u guys think.....Just out of a relationship. In general, it takes me a long time to fall for someone. But is this a bit much? Incidentally, does his name rhyme with "Fun-Pole" & does he talk alot about Katherine McPhee...? Edited June 30, 2011 by LexiB
little_bear Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Hi Anna, this is so random but your posts sound eerily like my ex with him sending "surprise" flowers, going on about how popular he is with girls, the weird attitude and the trying to push your boundries. Do you mind telling me his first name?? Its ok if you don't want to but he just sounds identical to my ex. We broke up a few weeks ago because he was trying to force me into a serious relationship. lol I probably just sound crazy don't I?
Dust Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 It was interesting at the beginning of this thread you were creep out but still kind of hoping for him to win you over. You were seriously considering spending some more time with him. I have girlfriend so I save all my creeping for her these days, but when I was single I surely creeped out my fair share of women. First off I’ve said the “I’m good with women” comment before. Seems stupid now but at the times I’ve said such stupid things my thinking was she’ll see I picked her out of all the girls and I’m desperate. I’m sure I’ve also done awkward things I just can’t remember them now. As for the flowers that’s a pretty bold move. I do believe in making bold moves when you like a girl. I also believe in trusting your gut and asking a girl out anyways even if she says she’s getting with some guy. He obviously didn’t believe your story and in fact he would be right you aren’t getting back with your ex. I pretty much believe in trying until I get bored. He will eventually get bored. He’ll get bored a lot quicker if you communicate your complete disinterest before ignoring him. Just ignoring him will work to just not as fast. I personally along with most guys I know of would never hurt or scare a girl even when drunk. I mean I guess I might accidently scare a girl when drunk but I wouldn’t touch them or anything. Obviously there are dangerous guys out there and you should be careful but chances are this guy is harmless. The best thing a girl could do to get me to stop bothering her as I said before would be to clearly yet nicely tell me so. Something like “I don’t want to go out with you again, please don’t contact me any more.” You could do it over the phone for maximum benefit. An email or txt would also work. He might send one or two more msg’s after that but if you just ignored him they should stop for good, maybe to only pop up with a random msg months later if he got drunk or wanted to try one last time. If a girl was rude to me, which has happened before the most I’d be likely to do was insult her back. Like a girl at a bar called me a “loser” and all I was doing was trying to talk to her. I was embarrassed to be called a loser in the middle of a bar and I ended up calling her a “bch” in the middle of a bar. I’m not proud of doing that but she upset me and I snapped. For the most part I feel I don’t need to say anything to some one who is rude it says more about them then myself. After being called out as a bch she actually then seemed to seek out my approval, she asked in a sad voice “you really think I’m a bch?” I might have been able to turn it around in my romantic favor at that point but I was still angry about being insulted so I insulted her again, I think I said “yeah you’re a real bch!” Now the girl was really angry and turned to a group of guys she was with and started talking about how I had called her a bch. The guys came over and it seemed like maybe it was going to be trouble. They asked “did you call her a bch?” I answered their question ready to fight these guys even though I would have been outnumbered and couldn’t necessarily count on my friends to fight with me. I said “yes I did call her a bch she insulted me and called me a loser for just saying hi.” They backed off and that was that. I didn’t talk to her again and she disappeared some where. I’m sure a lot more humiliated then me. This bch in a bar story illustrates a good point, women are a lot more afraid in interactions then the men are. I don’t recommend calling a girl a bch like I did even if she personally attacks you but the point is girls can be brought practically to tears both because of fear and humiliation most men aren’t facing that level of fear. My point is also that I’m sure she thought I was a creep, I mean girls get creeped out by everything. I never would have hurt her though. Most people I know would never hurt a girl over being rejected even in a humiliating manner like being called ugly, or a loser. Obviously some guys do bad things to women, but the more rational fear should be to respect some one the way you would want to be respected in that situation. The thing I like to tell women like you is men are on the other side of things. Please think about that. I realize its completely alien and impossible for you to see it as guys do. Just try for your sake, so you can begin to understand. I’m also writing this for all the men on this forum who do bad with women because they’ve allowed women to fill their brains with worries of being a creep. Here is the facts and rules to being a man when it comes to dating women. We aren’t all smooth. Whether you are smooth or awkward one thing holds true, the more aggressive and persistent you are the better off you’ll be. I mean you had written this guy off but he went ahead and kept trying and you almost changed your mind. He actually didn’t lose anything by creeping you out. In fact if he some how becomes the famous don won creep women will like him just for that. Not that he will ever get a reputation guys generally don’t get reputations the same way women can. I mean a guy known as a player only seems to get more women. I was known as a player, I’m not a player and never was one, but it never seemed to hurt. Being persistent as a man only helps. We’re on the other side of the coin. If we are internet dating for example, which I do not recommend for men, there aren’t hordes of women trying to exchange numbers and meet up with us. In real life most men never get approached and asked out. The best we can hope for is a girl to say “hi” and smile and make herself available in hopes we ask her out. Really even having a woman approach you and say “hi” and smiling at you or something can be rare. We have to make it happen. The guys who are afraid to be creepy and persistent have less of a chance with women. They are more likely to settle or be single. It’s really a nothing to lose everything to gain scenario. I’ve literally had women insult me by saying I creeped them out and ask “I’m not going to get raped am I” only to end up both kissing and having sex with them. (consensually of course) I’ve come to accept that women get creeped out. Now you should come to accept that maybe that’s just a guy doing what he needs to do. Being aggressive and giving himself the best chance. It’s very fair if you’ve made your decision you don’t like him. Since you don’t like him I suggest you be firm about it, communicate it and then ignore him, or just ignore him if you really can’t handle communicating it. Communicating “I don’t want to see or talk with you any more” and then ignoring would be most effective. Most guys should give up with very few more attempts after something like that. I’d say 3 tops. Obviously if a guy keeps calling and trying to see you many times after being clear then there is a problem. That isn’t necessarily what I heard described at this point. Good luck.
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