midkirby Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Met with ex last night to discuss our relationship or lack thereof. We met at his house...my idea. He has a lot of issues with me as far as past relationships and my employment. I work in public safetyat a with a lot of men. I again tried to clarify things to ease his mind. His ex-wife cheated on him after years of marriage, so he is reluctant to trust another woman. He obviosly admitted that he still loves me and that has never been the issue. We still could not reach a conclusion about us. Some history...we split about 6 weeks ago, because he was confused. Since that time we have only met once to get my personal items back. We discussed a little bit of stuff then too. In the last 6 weeks, it has been basically NC with some exchanges of texting saying how much we miss one another. At one point last night, he mentioned that he wanted me to move in with him....and then quickly brought up problems with that. He has a daughter from his marriage and I have a 12 year old and live one hour away, with my , employer about 1.5 hrs away. This move would not be easy for sure, but I am totally and completely in love with him. He even mentioned marriage in the future. But.....he is still undecided. I stayed over his house last night and we had amazing sex.....better than any before. For all you nay sayers....it was totally my idea and I had to talk him into it. I was always more sexually driven than he is. Well, I sent him a text this morning while at work stating that I wanted to move in and that I love he and his daughter and to please not give up on us. I know that we belong together....but he has his reservations still. What should my next move be? Help!!!
wilsonx Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 stop immediately, you are setting yourself up for failure. he doesn't want to be with you right now. he's said it. the marriage thing is because he is stringing you along just incase he can't find something better then you. the comment on the sex, dont do it again. I can call my ex up right now and have her come over and hook up with me but it will put me back at day 1 of the breakup afterwards. here's a question you have to ask yourself, why would you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you? it doesn't make sense. actions speak louder then words. you really have to go hardcore NC, even if he texts you saying I love you, I miss you. Let him go, and you move forward
Author midkirby Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 I understand your thoughts and you might be right, but I think I am a little smarter to that. It didn't set me back to day one...in fact, I have somewhat mentally moved on because I am flying out of state to see an ex-bf from almost 20 years ago. So, I am totally ready to move on. Not to boast of a large ego, but I don't think he will find anyone better. Sounds stupid I'm sure, but.all of the qualities he wants I have. I'm good looking, smart, independant, educated, own my own house and have a great paying long term job. I adore his daughter and treat her like my own. If he is looking for someone with low self esteem, living with parents, ugly, unemployed, dependant or other bad issues...then I am not that person. Our split never ever made me feel like a lesser person, as it does with so many others. If anything, he might be intimidated by my accomplishments and ambition....but he has a great job too and makes almost twice the amount that I make. When we talked last night, I toldc him that at some point he has to let me go for me. I won't be a back up plan for him. He knows for sure that I will not wait around for him. He knows how easy it would be for me to find someone else and he has even stated that. But, he agrees that we have an amazing connection with mutual locve and he knows that that only comes around once in a while. So...I don't really think that is what he is doing. I think if he makes a commitment to me, that he feels like it is jumping off of a cliff without the promise of a safety net. When you spend almost two decades with someone and they end up cheating on you and breaking your heart...it is hard to take that leap. Does anyone else have any thoughts?
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