robaday Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Which hasn't been a bad thing in picking up women. But has been a bad thing in maintaining relationships. In fact I've lost two now, who think i wasn't interested, because of my inability to reassure, to even say "i miss you". Getting I love you out of me is nearly impossible. I say it in response if prompted, and often mean it, but unprompted i cant. I am emotional and sensitive for a man. But I'm not really there. I feel hollow sometimes, like Im playing a part that's expected of me. This isn't just with women, but also with friends. Im regularly asked where r you? when im sitting or standing right in front of someone. Admittedly I have over the years had major depression, OCD, and substance abuse issues. But on the whole Im happier now. How can I be there? how I can start to enjoy what's around me?
HeavenOrHell Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Sorry to hear this, are you receiving help for your problems? Depression can make it hard/impossible to feel anything much, although you say you are emotional, so do you mean you feel it but can't say it (things like I love you) Don't feel it enough to say it? Which hasn't been a bad thing in picking up women. But has been a bad thing in maintaining relationships. In fact I've lost two now, who think i wasn't interested, because of my inability to reassure, to even say "i miss you". Getting I love you out of me is nearly impossible. I say it in response if prompted, and often mean it, but unprompted i cant. I am emotional and sensitive for a man. But I'm not really there. I feel hollow sometimes, like Im playing a part that's expected of me. This isn't just with women, but also with friends. Im regularly asked where r you? when im sitting or standing right in front of someone. Admittedly I have over the years had major depression, OCD, and substance abuse issues. But on the whole Im happier now. How can I be there? how I can start to enjoy what's around me?
Author robaday Posted July 2, 2011 Author Posted July 2, 2011 are you receiving help for your problems? I went to counselling for two years and took medication for nearly three. After having a horrific experience with one particular anti-depressant I resolved to fight them on my own and have been largely succesful. I run, work out, dont take drugs and rarely drink anymore. The problems were a result of horrific trauma that happened 6 years ago. So they were actually a result of the grieving process and eased with time as I healed. Don't feel it enough to say it? I got hurt pretty badly in a relationship a long time ago when I gave I miss you's, I love you's etc very very easily. The fact I was so into her drove her away (as well as an awful lot of other stuff). Since that relationship Ive had major problems actually giving the smallest bit of affection. I guard my heart with walls, and keep part of myself back at all times. Which sadly has driven a few women away.
Author robaday Posted July 2, 2011 Author Posted July 2, 2011 Im nearly thirty. To a lot of people Im very immature - as in Im unorganized, lose things all the time, dopy, and careless. But the reality is my thoughts are never in my surroundings - I am miles away and I just lose stuff/forget stuff/am unable to complete work because my mind is elsewhere. I can remember verbatim conversations with ex lovers, can remember verbatim whole passages in books etc. Once people talk to me they realize Im mature and intelligent. Thats if I actually engage in conversation:eek:
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