just_scott Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 hey all JUST talked to some friends of mine , AND they gave me some advice that i'm pondering here [has to do with my ex ] BRIEFLY we datted for 4 yrs,known each other for 2 before datting.NEVER raised our voices to eah other.ONE night a little over a month ago she comes by my place e're hanging out she's being distant [ not the first time she's been distant with me ].I go outside to bring in my mail I come back in ,i hear my back door closeing and notice she's leaving .I ask what's wrong i get no reply , I say want to talk about something SHE says nothing to talk aout . K i'm thining she had a rough day or a rough couple of days i'll give her space.I come back in and see a box with jewelery i've givin her over the years on my shelf [ K this seems serious now ]i call her her phones off, next day i call no answer [a couple of times]SOO i stop by her place 2 days later ask what's up ? i get i don't love you anymore,i'm not in love with you , i'm not your girl, you did nothing wrong .OF course i'm hurt and in shock soo i just leave ,i give it a few days and call her see if she calmed down [sHE hasn't] I am moving and have somethings of hers here AND things i wont beusing i ask her to come pick the things up and go through whatever,SHE doesn't have time to do that then ,ASKS me nicely if i'd mind taking them with me she'll get them at a later time ,i say k no problem then we're in no contact maybe 2/3 weeks .OVER the last weekend i decided hmm if she's not gonna even talk with me civily like an adult then i don't want her knowing where i'm moving to . I call her mon and say listen i got stuff boxed for you ,i'm moving far it'll be easier if you get your tings here before i'm gone [which will be sat/sun] she says k how's wnds/thurs i say that works . NOW i know for sure she's seeing or datting someone else is it g.i.g.s. or a rebound i do't know or care really .FRIENDS have ttold me she's been with him while we were together or at least met him while we were still together [ it's possable ] I'VE givin her numerous attempts to meet up and talk always i got no , or it wouldn't change anything .I'VE always been nice to her not cursing her out and trying to be accomidating with her things . QUESTION [the Predicament here] MY friends are saying look she's not calling or e-mailing you ,she's lied and cheated on you ,and just walked out on you tryng to be sneaky aout it .[all true ] THEY say when she comes i should really lay into her for her actions they say this may be the last time you see her anyways [could be] I know once they lie,or cheat or ven walk out on you IF you ever got together and never addressd the issues high probability they'd do it again to you,DO i even want her back after the disrespec i got and made to look like a fool NO.do i have feelings for her YEA ,could we be friends probably NOT .... SOO would you lay into your ex if this could bethe last time you see them one on one? OR just be nice and say here you go enjoy ?
sleepykitten Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I would! if you HAVE to see her anyway and are not going out of your way to do see her, then yes, as long as its not going to be an emotional/angry confrontation that leaves you feeling worse off, and youre not looking for any reconciliation, then go for it. Good luck.
Kilty Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Discretion is the better point of valour ! Laying into her or ranting at her will not do you any good at all and you will regret it later. In fact as i suggested in your other post it would be far better to send this girl her things rather than meet up with her for your own sake. Making sure you see her one last time will do absolutely no good at all but on your own head be it. The reason for that is ; She has told you she doesnt love you anymore She has told you she is not the girl for you. There really is nothing more to talk about - she cant make herself anymore clearer. So there is someone else and she has cheated on you and yes it feels crap but unfortunately it happens. Emotionally you want to lash out and tell her exactly how you feel but the only purpose it will serve is to make her come to conclusion she did the right thing by leaving you for someone else. So you feel rubbish and regret doing it later - whilst she feels better after you have gone Its a lose lose situation Send her the stuff and DO NOT MEET HER IN PERSON She is not coming back and nothing you can do or say will make her change her mind. The only thing that will make her change her mind is if she comes to the conclusion ON HER OWN But then you wont be interested in her anyway since she has been a cheat and a liar Be the better man - and you will feel better for it in the long run. Not that she doesnt deserve your anger - but honestly it will do no good
Author just_scott Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 THAT is the predicament here , i know me lashing out on her would do nothing for me BUT make me feel bad later on and say man i could have handeled that differently ,AND she'd say to herself knew it he really is / was a jerk .. I just HATE the idea that the person i was with exclusivly for 4 yrs ,can feel she out smarted me ,makes me feel foolish ... UNFORTUNATLY she needs to get the things from here herself their is a lot for her to go through ,EVEN some furniture i might not be taking that she expressd intrest in [ i'm fine with her comming and picking out stuff ] IF i leave stuff here and she gets here after my landlord does the stuff will be in the garbage .AND noone i've spoke with is voluntering to take my keys ,le her in help her pack her car ,and lock up .THEY say they wouldn't do a damn thing for her cause her lies to me were lies to them [ some involved them ] I would have just made a little comment maybe like o.k. you got everything , now go and have fun at thee club with the new guy [which is where i've seen them }HELLi was 20 fet away from them BUT i avoided contact FIRST i was going to walk up to them both and say HI .ALSO i'm frustrated everything latly i've been accomidating to all the times she gave me a date to meet up ONLY to cancel last minute I just want the respect i gave her I even said whatever i have at your place you keep as gifts ....
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