Girls - how serious is it to be accused of being a golddigger?

[Kain Highwind]

If you learned that a guy may have implied you are one, if you had feelings for him, would they go away? If not, would that kill any chance?

 

About a year ago I was talking to my friend about the girl I liked/like, he made a comment regarding golddigging. I told her but I don't know if she misunderstood or if I misworded but she got the impression that I called her one. We really didn't talk much about it back then and I didn't think it was a big deal

 

We started getting close afterward and I asked her out but I was turned down. That caused a lot of drama between us, which is still sort of there to this day.

 

We were talking the other day about what happened and she just brough up the golddigger comment. I completely forgot about it but she said that it really hurt her and that she's still sort of upset about it

 

Even though I didn't mean it at all (since I know she isn't), could that have been the reason I was rejected? I mean, it was a year ago and she's still upset about it

[FeelingSmall]

Hmmm, yeah if a guy I was interested in called me a gold digger I'd be pretty hurt and yes, unless resolved it would kill any chances, but it sounds to me as if you weren't given a chance to explain yourself. I would demand an explanation before I stormed off. :/

[cerridwen]

Yup, 9 out of 10 that would do it for me.

Game over.

 

UNLESS, I was really into the guy. I'd give him a chance to explain--just in case it was a misunderstanding.

[Kain Highwind]

Hmmm, yeah if a guy I was interested in called me a gold digger I'd be pretty hurt and yes, unless resolved it would kill any chances, but it sounds to me as if you weren't given a chance to explain yourself. I would demand an explanation before I stormed off. :/

 

I apologized for it right after she brought it up (sent like three texts apologizing lol)

[Kain Highwind]

And after I apologized, she said that she didn't wanna talk about it anymore and that its in the past and over and done with

 

Does it sound like she's over it/accepted my apology?

[FeelingSmall]

I apologized for it right after she brought it up (sent like three texts apologizing lol)

 

 

If she's still around a year after the fact I'm guessing an explanation would probably be heard out. Did she respond? It's a little funny, sorry... This girl can hold a grudge if she stayed friends with you and is STILL upset. I kind of see that as she might still be interested. I could be very wrong, but the only reason I would stick around would be that.

[FeelingSmall]

And after I apologized, she said that she didn't wanna talk about it anymore and that its in the past and over and done with

 

Does it sound like she's over it/accepted my apology?

 

If she's still talking to you, then yes.. Most likely, that's a long time to bottle that up.

[Kain Highwind]

If she's still around a year after the fact I'm guessing an explanation would probably be heard out. Did she respond? It's a little funny, sorry... This girl can hold a grudge if she stayed friends with you and is STILL upset. I kind of see that as she might still be interested. I could be very wrong, but the only reason I would stick around would be that.

 

she said she didn't wanna talk about it anymore and that its in the past after I apologized

[Kain Highwind]

And I really don't mean to spam my topics, but

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t284840/

 

Its the same girl as there >_>

 

Is it possible that she may have had feelings but then that messed it up?

[FeelingSmall]

After reading the other posts I would say it sounds like she wasn't going for it, I didn't realize there was more history there, sorry... So she wanted to be friends, the comment about being a gold digger really upset her and the friendship was compromised.. She says she's over it, and probably does accept the apology, but move on, because I seriously doubt you'll get anywhere. Lots of girls out there! Spend your energy on someone who deserves it and wants it!

[Kain Highwind]

After reading the other posts I would say it sounds like she wasn't going for it, I didn't realize there was more history there, sorry... So she wanted to be friends, the comment about being a gold digger really upset her and the friendship was compromised.. She says she's over it, and probably does accept the apology, but move on, because I seriously doubt you'll get anywhere. Lots of girls out there! Spend your energy on someone who deserves it and wants it!

 

the thing about the friendship being compromised is that we became really close like right after it. Like that's when we started hanging out every other day and calling every night :/

[FeelingSmall]

I would not spend a year just hanging out with a guy and texting without it going anywhere IF I was interested PERIOD.

[Kain Highwind]

I would not spend a year just hanging out with a guy and texting without it going anywhere IF I was interested PERIOD.

eh, to be fair, that went on for just a few months. We went a long time without talking, it just started about a year ago

 

She did so much for me... I mean, even though we didn't (cause she was sick iirc), she was gonna make me a cake, make a birhday card, and she wanted to hang out just me and her alone for my birthday :/

[ON MY OWN]

For me the golddigger comment is huge. It depends on if you worded it that you thought she was or someone else said that. Because even though she forgave you, it could be in the back of her mind that you judge her by that. When you apologized did you just say a "generic" im sorry or did you acknowledge you dont view her like that too along with the apology. Women are more complex than men and they dont say we have the memory like an elephant for nothing;).

 

Age plays a part as to how women cope also. I am in my 30's and can deal with something like that much more rationally than when I was lets say 19 or 20.

 

But I would not want to entertain the idea of being with someone who thought of me like that as I would find aspects of a relationship to be extremely difficult once that was in my mind. (she just has to know hands down you dont view her that way and never have). I take pride in being independant and am insulted by that for myself. I have not been raised to depend on anyone. A relationship is 50/50.

 

Best of luck to you:D,

OMO

Edited June 30, 2011 by ON MY OWN

[Kain Highwind]

For me the golddigger comment is huge. It depends on if you worded it that you thought she was or someone else said that. Because even though she forgave you, it could be in the back of her mind that you judge her by that. When you apologized did you just say a "generic" im sorry or did you acknowledge you dont view her like that too along with the apology. Women are more complex than men and they dont say we have the memory like an elephant for nothing;).

 

Age plays a part as to how women cope also. I am in my 30's and can deal with something like that much more rationally than when I was lets say 19 or 20.

 

But I would not want to entertain the idea of being with someone who thought of me like that as I would find aspects of a relationship to be extremely difficult once that was in my mind. (she just has to know hands down you dont view her that way and never have). I take pride in being independant and am insulted by that for myself. I have not been raised to depend on anyone. A relationship is 50/50.

 

Best of luck to you:D,

OMO

I told her that she isn't one at all and that she's too nice and that she's done too much for me that I'd never even consider the thought of her being one

 

She's 20 btw

[Shocking Pink]

Sometimes girls say to forget something and try to bury it, but its' still there it doesn't go away completely. To say a woman is a golddigger is really insulting and yeah, it could ruin your chances even if you try to take it back. She might think you still think really low of her, deep down.

[Kain Highwind]

Sometimes girls say to forget something and try to bury it, but its' still there it doesn't go away completely. To say a woman is a golddigger is really insulting and yeah, it could ruin your chances even if you try to take it back. She might think you still think really low of her, deep down.

 

I can apologize but I don't think Ic an take it back because I would never call her one :/

[ON MY OWN]

I told her that she isn't one at all and that she's too nice and that she's done too much for me that I'd never even consider the thought of her being one

 

She's 20 btw

 

Then sounds like she has forgiven you and by your actions toward her she should be fine. Ask her out someplace special and dont bring up the past. Just let her know how special she is and treat her like a princess and that should help if she has anything in the back of her mind:)...OMO

[ON MY OWN]

I can apologize but I don't think Ic an take it back because I would never call her one :/

 

 

I may have it wrong but I think someone else did and OP told her. Which to me is different, going to have to review the original post again:confused:....OMO

[ON MY OWN]

About a year ago I was talking to my friend about the girl I liked/like, he made a comment regarding golddigging. I told her but I don't know if she misunderstood or if I misworded but she got the impression that I called her one. We really didn't talk much about it back then and I didn't think it was a big deal

 

That was from the OP....to me that is him telling her someone said that. Dont get involved on the he/said, she/said it can wind up pretty messy and come back and bite you.

 

Another thought---she may have thought since you brought it up you may have THOUGHT it to be true which would bother anyone. Seems like you made good on that though....so give it some time maybe trying my suggestion. ~ OMO ~

[spiderowl]

If she thought you were even jokingly applying it to her, then yes she would be upset and is likely to turn you down. It is offensive as it implies one's motives are not love and and affection but something else. No-one wants to be thought of in that way. To be frank, if a guy brought up the subject jokingly while I was with him, it would be an immediate red flag. I wouldn't want to be with a guy who thought women in general were golddiggers. It would only be matter of time before he'd start accusing me of that. How could we have a normal relationship if any time he bought me anything or offered anything, I felt he would be thinking I was a possible golddigger? It just tells me a lot about his view of women.

 

It may not be the only reason she turned you down though so you can't assume that's the main one. If you really like this woman and want her, then you need to apologise and explain whatever you said wasn't meant personally and that it was insensitive and thoughtless. She's still spending some time with you and likes you enough, it seems, to tell you where you were going wrong. You still matter to her so now is the time to make it clear you didn't intend to her hurt and actually feel quite strongly about her.

[Kain Highwind]

Oh, forgot to say

 

She said that sometimes she doens't know what to think of us. That's good, right?

[spiderowl]

She said that sometimes she doens't know what to think of us. That's good, right?

 

It sounds like she's considering you. The fact that she's commented means she wants to bring the subject up and discuss it. How did you respond? You could explore things with her by asking her something like "Have you ever thought what it might be like if we were a couple?" That should give you both a chance to say whether it might work out or not. From what she said, I get the impression she doesn't know where she stands with you. If you really like her and she's still hanging out with you regularly and remaining close, then you could make some sort of romantic move like asking her out on a date (make sure you say 'date') or taking her hand while out walking or taking opportunities to increase the physical contact by 'helping' her up some steps or holding and admiring her necklace. I get the feeling she's giving up on you mostly because of a lack of obvious commitment to her on your part.

[Kain Highwind]

It sounds like she's considering you. The fact that she's commented means she wants to bring the subject up and discuss it. How did you respond? You could explore things with her by asking her something like "Have you ever thought what it might be like if we were a couple?" That should give you both a chance to say whether it might work out or not. From what she said, I get the impression she doesn't know where she stands with you. If you really like her and she's still hanging out with you regularly and remaining close, then you could make some sort of romantic move like asking her out on a date (make sure you say 'date') or taking her hand while out walking or taking opportunities to increase the physical contact by 'helping' her up some steps or holding and admiring her necklace. I get the feeling she's giving up on you mostly because of a lack of obvious commitment to her on your part.

 

I'm hoping that too but

 

She said I need someone who has the same passion that I do in music (since I"m a musician) and she's not that kind of girl.

 

from my other topic... It confuses me since she said both of those things?

[Kain Highwind]

I'm hoping that too but

 

She said I need someone who has the same passion that I do in music (since I"m a musician) and she's not that kind of girl.

 

from my other topic... It confuses me since she said both of those things?

 

Still wondering about this... We texted for the first time since the other day and she seemed more happy than she has been (alot of smileys) so... That's good, right?