HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I haven't read numerous posts on here where the dumpee wants to know WHY?... Why did they leave me? Why are they acting like this? Why can't we be together again? Some people have labelled their dumper as having GIGS or some other excuse. now ask yourself this question: Does it all matter in the end? The answer should be an easy NO. Most, if not ALL dumpees will never get the true reason as to why the dumper left them. Usually they get a load of BS excuses: "I still love you..." "I'm not ready for a relationship..." "I still want to be with you but..." "I think we will be together in the future..." "I need to be single for a while..." This makes Acceptance very VERY difficult for the dumpee, they begin to ask questions like "how to accept this when I don't know the reason?". YOU DON'T NEED A REASON. Just accept that the relationship wasn't that fulfilling (at least not for the dumper), the relationship is over, accept that you may never know the real reason that the dumper left, and accept that you WILL heal. If you can't accept these things you will find it EXTREMELY difficult to heal. If you find it easier just label the dumper as having a case of GIGS, it may help you accept the break up. Is there a God? What is the reason of Life? Have you ever asked yourself these question? I'm sure you have at some point and you either accepted that there might not be an answer, Or you believed in some answer to these questions (another way of accepting... sorta). Not every question has an answer, the sooner you come to conclusion with that the better. I assume if you are reading this post you have been dumped or you've dumped someone and are second guessing something. Either way your relationship is over, regardless of the reasons for it ending, it is over. Stop worrying about why it ended and start working on becoming a better person. work on yourself so whatever it is doesn't happen in future relationships. Now I can hear you asking "How am I supposed to work on what broke the relationship if I don't know what that is?"... You don't need to know what broke the relationship. Look back at what happened during the WHOLE relationship and identify the areas that you would have liked to improve on. Focus on these areas to make your next relationship better.
AlisaMarie Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I haven't read numerous posts on here where the dumpee wants to know WHY?... Why did they leave me? Why are they acting like this? Why can't we be together again? Some people have labelled their dumper as having GIGS or some other excuse. now ask yourself this question: Does it all matter in the end? The answer should be an easy NO. Most, if not ALL dumpees will never get the true reason as to why the dumper left them. Usually they get a load of BS excuses: "I still love you..." "I'm not ready for a relationship..." "I still want to be with you but..." "I think we will be together in the future..." "I need to be single for a while..." This makes Acceptance very VERY difficult for the dumpee, they begin to ask questions like "how to accept this when I don't know the reason?". YOU DON'T NEED A REASON. Just accept that the relationship wasn't that fulfilling (at least not for the dumper), the relationship is over, accept that you may never know the real reason that the dumper left, and accept that you WILL heal. If you can't accept these things you will find it EXTREMELY difficult to heal. If you find it easier just label the dumper as having a case of GIGS, it may help you accept the break up. Is there a God? What is the reason of Life? Have you ever asked yourself these question? I'm sure you have at some point and you either accepted that there might not be an answer, Or you believed in some answer to these questions (another way of accepting... sorta). Not every question has an answer, the sooner you come to conclusion with that the better. I assume if you are reading this post you have been dumped or you've dumped someone and are second guessing something. Either way your relationship is over, regardless of the reasons for it ending, it is over. Stop worrying about why it ended and start working on becoming a better person. work on yourself so whatever it is doesn't happen in future relationships. Now I can hear you asking "How am I supposed to work on what broke the relationship if I don't know what that is?"... You don't need to know what broke the relationship. Look back at what happened during the WHOLE relationship and identify the areas that you would have liked to improve on. Focus on these areas to make your next relationship better. This is very true. Of course we replay these questions in our heads but we will never really get an answer from the dumper. I have always been the dumper- but because I was cornered into it. My ex wanted an out so treated me like garbage so I could do the dirty work. Ahhh... then I am the evil monster without a soul. It's just so damn hard to move on. Me personally, I feel that he was a distraction from my own inner unhappiness. I have no distraction now and I am frustrated with myself. Do I miss him? Hell yes. Would I scoop him back up if he came to my door right now? For sure. Am I an idiot? Eff yeah. I need to work on me. Who care why these people don't want us anymore. If you're like me, you know that you gave that person PERFECTION. Good luck finding it anywhere else! Ahhh... I needed to vent some stuff out. Thanks!
wilsonx Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 (edited) People need closure, so I do not agree with this post. At the very end of a relationship, it does matter. Anyone that posts on here, it matters for them, and they have a right to know understand what went wrong. Their lives are affected by this. Most people that post here are going through a huge traumatic loss (this isnt my first relationship to end, its my first where i felt like i had no ****ing clue what hit me). Absolutely none. One day, my ex and I are at a party having fun, the next shes drinking at a bar with a 14 year older coworker that my friends and I stumbled upon. One of them stated uhhh isnt that your girlfriend. Why sure enough it was. I had suspicions for the longest time that there was something going on and she swore up and down that they are just coworkers at work and they would never hang out together. Her reasons for breaking up with me, completely bull****. She was grasping at straws so to speak. It didn't make sense to me, still doesn't this guy is definition of beta male, follows her around wherever she goes, texts her 100xs a day, completely needy to no end and she developed feelings for him while alpha male sits there in shock as to what the **** just happened. Of course she lied and lied and lied and lied and lied about having feelings for him until a week after the breakup where i told her if she wanted to be friends with me she would have to be 100% honest and out it comes. Guess what im not to her right now? Friends because she was trying to keep the long term relationship while having her fun until i caught her. This guy has absolutely nothing going on for him except he's 37 years old and wants to party and get drunk all the time. I guess thats what she wants more then me. You know if he was driving a lexus lived in nice house made lots of money I would be more ok with it. But he's a cook, works in a movie theater and lives in a trailer and all he wants to do is drink and party So you tell me... would this bother you at the end of a relationship? Add on that I was planning on buying a ring in December. This is a huge hit. Right now after the breakup it does not matter but at the end of it, IT DID MATTER to me and I have a right to know what the **** happened Edited June 29, 2011 by wilsonx
thelovingkind Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 And with the breakups that leave us the most puzzled and in need of answers (i.e. the ones where the end was caused by waning feelings and interest rather than triggered by a traumatic event), the dumper probably has no more idea about what happened than anyone else. What are they going to say? "Well, my dopamine and norepinephrine levels have been on the slide recently but haven't been replaced by adequate amounts of oxytocin and vasopressin, so the prospects of long-term attachment are slender". No, all they know is they're just not feeling "it" anymore. Physiologically, that's a great reason to break up. But socially, we're trained to think more like lawyers about these things - put forward a case, tease out the evidence, come to a conclusion. In some ways I find the best closure comes from knowing that somewhere in the other person's brain, for no apparent reason and from no single stimulus, the motivation drive associated with romantic love just happened to switch off. It can happen to anyone, and it will happen to all of us. Love is the great equaliser in that respect.
Author HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 you find closure from within so I have to disagree with the reasoning behind the break up does matter. with finding closure you do not need to know the dumpers reasoning, you need to find your own reasoning. Otherwise there would be a tremendous amount of people that couldn't move on because like I said before... most, if not all dumpees will never get the true reason behind the break up.
radrluv72 Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I think that there is always a reason for the breakup, question is, as you've stated here, can one live with the fact that you may never get it. My experience is that the truth always comes to the surface sooner or later...but depending on when & how it happens, most people may shockingly find themselves that they've moved on enough that they canj't remember the last time that it was even an issue. Just about every single past relationship I've had, the reason for the breakup was pretty obvious--the guy either cheated, lied, treated me like crap, ect....but my last relationship ended pretty abruptly. No red flags, no warnings...two people who were perfectly happy with eachother. Two days before my ex deployed to Afghanistan, my ex freaked out on me and suddenly gave me a bunch on non-sensical reasons as to why he suddenly didn't want me to wait for him while he would be gone for the next 6 months. I don't think I've ever been that broken-hearted in my life. 3 weeks after he broke up with me, I tried one more time to talk to him and find out what was really wrong, but he wasn't budging an inch in even giving me an explanation. At that point, I implemented NC because I jsut couldn't take it anymore. During these past 6 months of NC...well yeah, I did go through a long period of torturing myself with the question of why...namely blaming myself even when he had told me that I did nothing wrong to make him want to end things. But eventually, I did get there...I stopped caring about why he did what he did. I still love my ex very much & probably always will. He's back from his deployment as of yesterday, and I'm faced with the possibility that after all these months he might contact me...if it happened, would the reason why he left me in the first place even really matter anymore? Depends. If he wanted to reconcile, then I think at that point I would be deserving of some honesty. But beyond that...no, it doesn't matter anymore. I'm just holding myself back in my own life if I continue to fixate on it.
TheHurtProcess Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 you find closure from within so I have to disagree with the reasoning behind the break up does matter. with finding closure you do not need to know the dumpers reasoning, you need to find your own reasoning. Otherwise there would be a tremendous amount of people that couldn't move on because like I said before... most, if not all dumpees will never get the true reason behind the break up. Very true. I still haven't gotten a reason, nor have I gotten any answers to the many questions I have, yet I've found enough reasoning to move on.
Author HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 At the very end of a relationship, it does matter. Anyone that posts on here, it matters for them, and they have a right to know understand what went wrong. Their lives are affected by this. Most people that post here are going through a huge traumatic loss (this isnt my first relationship to end, its my first where i felt like i had no ****ing clue what hit me). Absolutely none. I agree, it does matter to the posters and they do have the right to know. But they also shouldn't dwell on the Why's nor should they put their lives on hold just because they don't know the reason. And yes I agree that most of the people that post are going through a huge traumatic loss whether they figured out they where cheated on, or they got a load of BS excuses. But in any case there will always be that one question that haunts you for a little while.... Why? Yes people do in fact need to spend a little time on the Why's but they shouldn't devote their life to figuring it out. Her reasons for breaking up with me, completely bull****. She was grasping at straws so to speak. How long did you wonder why she left you? Do you think it would have been easier if you had settled with I may never know and focused on all the flaws you saw in yourself? So you tell me... would this bother you at the end of a relationship? Add on that I was planning on buying a ring in December. This is a huge hit. Yes It DID bother me. I was going to propose to my ex on September 18th this year. She is now dating my ex-best friend, she's into drugs, and she's also an alcoholic now. Right now after the breakup it does not matter but at the end of it, IT DID MATTER to me and I have a right to know what the **** happened Yes you did/do have a right to know, but justice isn't always served in the court room nor is it always served in relationships. I admit her reasons for leaving me meant everything directly after the break up but after figuring out the hard way that I will never get a true answer I just accepted it and moved into the next stage of healing. If I could go back I would have never questioned her either, it only made me feel worse getting all those BS excuses. I think that there is always a reason for the breakup, question is, as you've stated here, can one live with the fact that you may never get it. My experience is that the truth always comes to the surface sooner or later...but depending on when & how it happens, most people may shockingly find themselves that they've moved on enough that they can't remember the last time that it was even an issue. Just about every single past relationship I've had, the reason for the breakup was pretty obvious--the guy either cheated, lied, treated me like crap, ect....but my last relationship ended pretty abruptly. No red flags, no warnings...two people who were perfectly happy with eachother. Two days before my ex deployed to Afghanistan, my ex freaked out on me and suddenly gave me a bunch on non-sensical reasons as to why he suddenly didn't want me to wait for him while he would be gone for the next 6 months. I don't think I've ever been that broken-hearted in my life. 3 weeks after he broke up with me, I tried one more time to talk to him and find out what was really wrong, but he wasn't budging an inch in even giving me an explanation. At that point, I implemented NC because I jsut couldn't take it anymore. During these past 6 months of NC...well yeah, I did go through a long period of torturing myself with the question of why...namely blaming myself even when he had told me that I did nothing wrong to make him want to end things. But eventually, I did get there...I stopped caring about why he did what he did. I still love my ex very much & probably always will. He's back from his deployment as of yesterday, and I'm faced with the possibility that after all these months he might contact me...if it happened, would the reason why he left me in the first place even really matter anymore? Depends. If he wanted to reconcile, then I think at that point I would be deserving of some honesty. But beyond that...no, it doesn't matter anymore. I'm just holding myself back in my own life if I continue to fixate on it. I haven't ever had the true reason arise but I have a question for you just out of curiosity... you've had break ups where the reasons were pretty obvious and now you have this one where you're not sure of the reason. Did you find it easier to move on with the definite answer? or is not knowing easier? I find that in either scenario the dumpee will be asking themselves Why? or if they get an obvious answer would ask How could they do that to me? Very true. I still haven't gotten a reason, nor have I gotten any answers to the many questions I have, yet I've found enough reasoning to move on. You've accepted that you may never know, and that is the point I was trying to convey in this post. Kudos to you.
Sassygirl2 Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I have to agree with Wilson on this one. I think there needs to be some kind of closure especially for the dumpee. Since we are all different but we are all the same (as in feeling human beings) each one of us requires something different in order to achieve this closure. For me, I have looked for it from my ex but he won't even talk to me. For others, they look within themselves because that is all they can do or it is what they need to do. I just think that people can really be cruel to each other and it basically sucks.
fiat500 Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 (edited) from my experiences I realized you really don't need closure because the reality is simple and just as hurtful. your ex doesn't love you anymore. that's about it. no matter how many why's or how's you ask isn't going to make you feel better. exes really don't give a sh*t about you after they break up with you and anyone who says they do is in denial. you're less than a friend to them. and you always will be. you will never really get up to "friend" status with them ever again if you hang around. also one of the reasons why i shot down my ex's half assed request to be friends after he broke up with me. why? so he could ease his guilt and see me as less and less of a person if i stuck around to be his "friend?" NO THANKS. i deserve better than just friends status and i don't need to be down graded and feel humiliated while he goes on with his life and acquires new girlfriends. Edited June 29, 2011 by fiat500
Sugarkane Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I have to say that I agree with Wilson too. All my otehr breakups actually made sense, except for the one that brought me here. How am I supposed to know what to work on/do differently next time if my ex refised to even talk to me? I never got any answers from my ex, because he wanted the easy way out instead of god forbid actually facing me and talking to me.
Mr. Savage Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 from my experiences I realized you really don't need closure because the reality is simple and just as hurtful. your ex doesn't love you anymore. that's about it. no matter how many why's or how's you ask isn't going to make you feel better. exes really don't give a sh*t about you after they break up with you and anyone who says they do is in denial. you're less than a friend to them. and you always will be. you will never really get up to "friend" status with them ever again if you hang around. also one of the reasons why i shot down my ex's half assed request to be friends after he broke up with me. why? so he could ease his guilt and see me as less and less of a person if i stuck around to be his "friend?" NO THANKS. i deserve better than just friends status and i don't need to be down graded and feel humiliated while he goes on with his life and acquires new girlfriends. So very true! People wanting a final reason for the breakup are only making themselves feel more insecure than they already are. They are just showing the dumper that they still allow them to have all the power! The only way to feel good about yourself and show them you are not a doormat is to say "screw you I dont care what your petty reasons were because you have already hurt me and I am better than you and deserve better than you!" Once you can tell yourself this and they see you are better off without them they will try to pull the friends card out cause they will feel like crap for what they did. My ex is a TEXT book dumper with all the lies and excuses to back it up. She ended her marriage and her ex-husband still grovels for her all the time, she has a best "friend" who is a guy that she said nothing ever happened between them that follows her around like a puppy dog and I just know she will think I will be the same way but I will not allow myself to be a doormat. All contact including friendship will be severed from now on. If they really cared about you the way you "thought" they did they would of been upfront and honest with you.
Mack05 Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 (edited) Good post HeartofaPhoenix. I agree closure comes from within. I also agree with wilson and sassy in the fact that, when you don't get closure from an ex it is very hurtful. These are people we loved, we trusted, who we saw a future with. When they turn out, not how we expected it can take a long time to get over that hurt. I quote this a lot (from a book getting past your breakup) but it's true. About why we shouldn't break NC because we believe we need closure.. "I Must have Closure. You may have many questions, but you need to accept that some will never get answered. Even if you have questions that seem to drive you crazy, you must decide that the answers don't matter, probably won't make sense, probably aren't going to satisfy you and are not going to give you any sense of closure. It is your responsibility to accept that you may have to close this chapter without answers, explanations, and without input from someone else. It is not only possible for you to survive without the answers but it's necessary. Staying in the questions, repeating them and ruminating over the possible answers will only keep you stuck. Despite your fervent belief that somehow one final scene with your ex will lead to closure, it will not. You don't need to know what your ex thinks or why your ex did this or that, to move on. If you want closure, you need to do the grief work, intergrate the experience into your life and turn the page. That is how closure happens...FROM WITHIN.." The best way to achieve closure is not obsessing about one last meeting with you ex. It's about forgiving yourself and forgiving your ex for the mistakes and hurt that were inflicted on each other in the relationship. This is not easy to do, but when you do it you can then focus on your grief in a positive way, not being consumed by anger or bitterness. After you spend the time grieving the relationship in the right way and after you have rebuild confidence and self esteem, then there will come a day when your ready to take that gamble and put your heart and soul in the hands of another. Hoping that you have learnt from previous lessons and mistakes, so that your new choice of partner is the correct one. Edited June 29, 2011 by Mack05
LovelyDaze Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I agree with you all about closure. The dumpee can get the most detailed,understanding, enlightening answer to why their ex dumped them but it won't put things back together. The decision was made in the dumper's mind that they no longer want to associate with their ex on a consistent basis. It is a fact that hurts and hits hard to one's self esteem. I believe the explantion of the breakup was clear when the dumper said goodbye. They want to try their luck in love elsewhere.
TheHurtProcess Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Plus, my ex would give me BS excuses instead of being up front and honest about "why" she chose to move on. Her stories eventually started contradicting one another and that's when I realized that she was giving me excuses to make it much easier on her. One second she "ran away to save me from being hurt" to "you did this & that and this is the reason why I did what I did". Eventually I just gave up looking for a reason "why" and just accepted it for what it was... She just didn't give a S**T anymore. She should have just told me the truth and said that rather than make up this elaborate story. It's not like I was going to be her friend and stick around, regardless of what she told me.
Mr. Savage Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Plus, my ex would give me BS excuses instead of being up front and honest about "why" she chose to move on. Her stories eventually started contradicting one another and that's when I realized that she was giving me excuses to make it much easier on her. One second she "ran away to save me from being hurt" to "you did this & that and this is the reason why I did what I did". Eventually I just gave up looking for a reason "why" and just accepted it for what it was... She just didn't give a S**T anymore. She should have just told me the truth and said that rather than make up this elaborate story. It's not like I was going to be her friend and stick around, regardless of what she told me. I know! They think by taking it easy that they will keep you as a friend. HAHA. Yeah let me be your friend and watch you hook up with other guys when we go out, ok! HELLO, Earth to dumper!
Leftie88 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I reckon i kinda agree with the original post from personal experience - i dont think we can ever be satisfied with the closure we received because it doesnt change the outcome. The first time i attempted it (after 1 month NC) he told me he loved me so much, no one could ever replace me and how much he missed me... the second time was a FAIL. He was leaving the country for good, i thought let me say goodbye, just see him once more, tell him i still care for him and close the chapter. No, the boy shat all over me, (i didnt know he was seeing someone new at this point) but nonetheless he told me to get over it, stop kidding myself, the love was fading out in the last yr and we were just simply incompatible (things i had no clue about in the first place!!) Each time the answer changes, and i wish i never sought it. Cause now all i'm left with is his anger and these comments.
Wesker Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I think the longer you're with someone, the more you need to know the WHY. My ex dumped me after almost 8 years right out of the blue pretty much. I kept asking why, and what I did, and just got the same vague, BS answers. Is there really is a switch in a dumper's head where they're happy as hell to be with you 1 day, and then snap, want nothing to do with ya?
Author HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 I think the longer you're with someone, the more you need to know the WHY. My ex dumped me after almost 8 years right out of the blue pretty much. I kept asking why, and what I did, and just got the same vague, BS answers. Is there really is a switch in a dumper's head where they're happy as hell to be with you 1 day, and then snap, want nothing to do with ya? do you NEED to know why? or do you WANT to know why?
thelovingkind Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I think the longer you're with someone, the more you need to know the WHY. My ex dumped me after almost 8 years right out of the blue pretty much. I kept asking why, and what I did, and just got the same vague, BS answers. Is there really is a switch in a dumper's head where they're happy as hell to be with you 1 day, and then snap, want nothing to do with ya? The more and more I read, the more I start to feel like yes, there is. At first I thought this phenomena was just to do with infatuation and honeymoon periods, but the number of stories I encounter that sound exactly like this and occur after four, five, six, ten, fifteen years together is astounding. We all have explanations: it must be G.I.G.S, there must be another person, etc. but honestly I think feelings can just die, just dry up. We know that emotions of lust, romantic love and attachment are all sustained by specific chemical releases in the brain: testosterone, dopamine, oxytocin, and so on. It's not some mystical fated affair. Socially we expect some form of these chemicals to sustain a life long partnership, but physiologically there's no guarantee. Whether or not you can actively manage your relationship to "artificially" sustain the release of these chemicals for decades or whether a lot of it is just blind luck is the question I'm interested in.
Author HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 The more and more I read, the more I start to feel like yes, there is. At first I thought this phenomena was just to do with infatuation and honeymoon periods, but the number of stories I encounter that sound exactly like this and occur after four, five, six, ten, fifteen years together is astounding. We all have explanations: it must be G.I.G.S, there must be another person, etc. but honestly I think feelings can just die, just dry up. We know that emotions of lust, romantic love and attachment are all sustained by specific chemical releases in the brain: testosterone, dopamine, oxytocin, and so on. It's not some mystical fated affair. Socially we expect some form of these chemicals to sustain a life long partnership, but physiologically there's no guarantee. Whether or not you can actively manage your relationship to "artificially" sustain the release of these chemicals for decades or whether a lot of it is just blind luck is the question I'm interested in. I think people are afraid of not knowing the why's, or they are scared that they may never know. You bring out a good point to reinforce this post though and that is when in some cases the feelings just die out. in this case I'm sure the dumper can't really give a good reason other than "I just don't feel it anymore". Which in many cases is just a BS excuse. But what if it's true? I don't know anyone that would settle for that excuse and they will most likely pry into things even further to find a more believable reason. I say just accept nothing, there may not be an answer, and certainly not an answer you are looking for. I'm glad I posted this thread, I hope it's educated/helped the readers and replying posters as much as you all have educated me.
thelovingkind Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 The only answer that any dumpee will ever really be content with is: "Actually, come to think of it, there's no good reason why I broke up with you. Are you keen to just get back together and pretend this never happened?" But as much as we pry and push and nudge them we'll never get to hear those words.
Sugarkane Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 The more and more I read, the more I start to feel like yes, there is. At first I thought this phenomena was just to do with infatuation and honeymoon periods, but the number of stories I encounter that sound exactly like this and occur after four, five, six, ten, fifteen years together is astounding. We all have explanations: it must be G.I.G.S, there must be another person, etc. but honestly I think feelings can just die, just dry up. Thats because 9/10 there is already someone else, they've just been lying about it.
thelovingkind Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Thats because 9/10 there is already someone else, they've just been lying about it. I think that's often the case, but I don't think the statistic is that high. I had one ex break up with me, and then I heard through a mutual acquaintance that he spent the rest of the summer posting facebook statuses saying how lonely he was. That really cut me up. I would actually prefer my exes left me for someone else than leave because being with me was so uninspiring they'd rather be alone. As it stands, the trend for me every time is: 1. Someone meets me, tells me how lonely and miserable their life has been. 2. We get together, they're crazy about me, don't know how they'd ever live without me. 3. Their feelings evaporate at some point, and they go back to being single for a while. Maybe enter a new relationship 1-3 months down the track. And to be honest, a couple times I've had feelings disappear as well. There was no one else. I may have taken advantage of my feelings disappearing and the ensuing break up to try something with someone else fairly soon afterwards, but that definitely wasn't the catalyst. I do think a lot of the time feelings just die. Nothing more, nothing less. We all want to project the cause onto "factors" - other men/women, G.I.G.S, etc. but sometimes they're just not there.
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