PDPullmn612 Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Hey guys, So I met this girl on my afternoon commute about 2 weeks ago. After about a couple of days of talking on the bus, I eventually got her number. Obviously I was excited...until I found out she had a boyfriend. Since then we've spoken a lot. We'll chat some while we're at work, we'll text each other, and end up talking on the bus in the afternoons. I figured I shouldn't burn any bridges as she's an awesome girl whose a lot of fun to be around. This past weekend she even came out with my friends and I and we all had a great time. I'm not looking to deep into the situation, but while we were out this past weekend there were a few things I found odd. For one, she didn't care about me getting close to her, putting my arm around her, or touching her. At some points she would even initiate the touching. Second, at one point we were walking through a crowd of people and as we were walking she turned and grabbed my hand to hold as we were walking. Lastly, before we even left to go out we were texting and she said "Promise me I can trust you. You know I have a bf and stuff..." Again, I'm not looking too deep into the situation. I'm merely curious as to what you all may think of the situation. Does anyone find this behavior odd coming from a girl who has had boyfriend for a while? Thanks for the input in advance!
Lucky555 Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Ya I'm guilty of letting myself have men friends who were attracted to me around. I didn't hang out with them. But we worked out together. I like the attention and so did they. I liked getting to know them and they were interesting and fun! My bf will not work out with me. So I found some people who did like to work out. Also my relationship was rocky and still is..she is not getting what she needs which is probably fun out of her boyfriend so she has you and enjoys you but hangs onto the boyfriend while he is figuring it all out. Don't hope for anything. I'm sure she enjoys you but the bf is still in the picture and you don't want a broken heart. I know I would have not hung out with the guys that I was friends with as it would have been over stepping boundaries with my relationship. So this is not normal. Something is going on with her.
utterer of lies Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 For one, she didn't care about me getting close to her, putting my arm around her, or touching her. At some points she would even initiate the touching. Second, at one point we were walking through a crowd of people and as we were walking she turned and grabbed my hand to hold as we were walking. Lastly, before we even left to go out we were texting and she said "Promise me I can trust you. You know I have a bf and stuff..." She's open for an affair, but she needs to be sure you understand and won't cause problems with the bf.
Author PDPullmn612 Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 Thanks guys. You really think she's open for an affair? It won't happen considering I 1. don't condone cheating, its just wrong and 2. I don't want to be the guy in the middle; I feel that it would just end horribly. Some i've spoken to said that maybe the relationship with her boyfriend is on the downfall and that she's exploring her options. I'm definitely not expecting anything, but i was definitely curious. I did not think it was normal behavior from a girl with a boyfriend. Another note, the only time I've heard her talk about her relationship she told me that her bf's mother hates her and that her parents don't like him. Other than that she NEVER even mentions him. Other thoughts?
Andy_K Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 (edited) Many girls don't like to jump ship from a failing relationship until they're 100% sure they've got a new model waiting for them. Perhaps that's her aim. Normally this would involve the affair happening first, but since you've ruled that out now, nothing might happen at all. Edited June 29, 2011 by Andy_K
vsmini Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 "Promise me I can trust you. You know I have a bf and stuff..." Trust? Yea - I'm sure she's showing how trustworty she is now that she's basically cheating on her boyfriend. She probably is afraid to be alone and doesn't want to "jump ship" as another person said, before she has another guy secured. Shows a lack of integrity and maturity on her part. Are you guys in high school? If so - this kind of thing happens but if she's older - say......20 or over. She's just a moron. She'll do the same thing to you.
Author PDPullmn612 Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 Part of me kept saying it wasn't that big of a deal because she just moved to my area for a new job and knows basically no one. Her boyfriend isn't around as of right now. But I still found it very odd that she was acting that way towards me. If she just wanted to strictly be friends I feel that all the talking, the hand holding, and the touching probably wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't necessarily consider what she's doing cheating, but I know if I had a girlfriend that I was happy with, I sure as heck wouldn't be holding other girl's hands. I don't know about anyone else but if I were dating a girl and I found out she met a guy, talked to him a lot, and went out with him for the night I probably wouldn't be a too happy about it...but that could just be me.
vsmini Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Part of me kept saying it wasn't that big of a deal because she just moved to my area for a new job and knows basically no one. Her boyfriend isn't around as of right now. But I still found it very odd that she was acting that way towards me. If she just wanted to strictly be friends I feel that all the talking, the hand holding, and the touching probably wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't necessarily consider what she's doing cheating, but I know if I had a girlfriend that I was happy with, I sure as heck wouldn't be holding other girl's hands. I don't know about anyone else but if I were dating a girl and I found out she met a guy, talked to him a lot, and went out with him for the night I probably wouldn't be a too happy about it...but that could just be me. Just you? yea - everyone would have an issue with what she's doing. Don't you think this says something about her integrity and how she views relationships? Red flag.
Author PDPullmn612 Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 Of course it says something about her integrity. I'm not saying anything will happen with this girl, but I just was curious as to what others thought about the situation.
Author PDPullmn612 Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 If anything, I'll just stay friends with her. Regardless of her integrity towards having a boyfriend, she's an overall fun person to be around...so I'm not burning any bridges.
vsmini Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 (edited) If anything, I'll just stay friends with her. Regardless of her integrity towards having a boyfriend, she's an overall fun person to be around...so I'm not burning any bridges. Well I hate to sound like a downer but....it's also about her overall integrity. She must like the flirty attention you give her - making it seem like she has no qualms with leading you on if you ever get feelings for her. That's not very grown-up of her. I'm sure you wouldn't be putting your arm around her if you saw her "just as a friend." You aren't stupid, neither is she, neither are we. You're playing with fire on this one. Sounds like you guys might just be looking for an ego stroke as well. Edited June 29, 2011 by vsmini
Author PDPullmn612 Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 Alright, considering I started talking to her for the sole purpose that I was interested, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least slightly interested. She knew I was interested in her shortly after I got her number and started talking to her. However, when I found out she had a boyfriend I switched my mentallity towards her a bit. For example, where as I was going to her out for dinner, I would no longer do that because she has a boyfriend...although, if I did and she said yes then I'd not for sure that something wasn't right. Either way, I'm being very careful so I won't get hurt or burned in the situation. And that means putting the idea of anything more out of my head. If something changes I'll deal with it as it comes.
Author PDPullmn612 Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 Its very entertaining to read the differences between how people respond on different forums. Some say she's just looking for attention. Others say that maybe things with her boyfriend aren't so hot so she's exploring her options. The funny thing is that people assume that I'm chomping at the bit for this girl, which is far from the case. Unless I don't remember saying it, I haven't once said "I want this girl." Yes, I'll admit the night we went out I was a bit flirtacious. I barely know her well enough to even know that I'd want more with her. Its just entertaining to me
Author PDPullmn612 Posted July 17, 2011 Author Posted July 17, 2011 So I found out the other night that this girl's current relationship is on the path for destruction. I won't get into details, but she's basically expressed that a break up is inevitable. That might explain her actions a little better. Since my last post we've gone out again as a group. At the end of the night we're both getting into my friend's car. Its the 2 of us in the back, but instead of moving all the way over to the opposite side of the car, she sits in the middle right next to me. She was sitting so close she was damn near on top of me. At one point she takes her arm and lays it down on my leg and at another point starts resting her head on my shoulder. Again, very odd coming from a girl with a boyfriend. I guess now the question is: Is she just playing with me? Or is she "scouting" me out to be the next one?
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