whatwhit Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I'll try to make this brief and straight to point as much as possible. I met this guy lets call him Chase online. We hit it off really well. I was pretty sure he was in to me....i'm pretty sure he knew i was into him etc. We had been talking for a month. He just got out of a 5 month relationship last month..soo i guess he could be looking for a rebound who knows. So, he came and visited me last weekend. He still had his dating profile active/ still logged in. So, I was going to mention to him how I was thinking about deactivating my profile. So before I had the chance to do all of that. As we were planning/ trying to get the details for the weekend he texts me this statement word for word, " Yeah, I plan on coming. But before I do I wanted to tell you something. I honestly can't see myself getting into any kind of relationship right now, I want to keep seeing you and if we work out later that's cool, but it could be a while, and I don't want to hold you up. I thought I was ready when I got on the site and everything, but now I feel like I'm just jumping into something :/ and so I was like , "soooo....meaning" and he was like, "nothing..i still wanna come, i guess i just need to completely get over his ex lets call her stephanie". So the weekend happens and it was sooo much fun. I remember asking if he still likes me and he said he did or he wouldn't have drove all the way (he lives 2 hours away) to see me. So, I met another guy online and have a date with him on thursday! For one..what does the whole, "But before I do I wanted to tell you something. I honestly can't see myself getting into any kind of relationship right now, I want to keep seeing you and if we work out later that's cool, but it could be a while, and I don't want to hold you up. I thought I was ready when I got on the site and everything, but now I feel like I'm just jumping into something " statement mean. and should i tell him about my second date. and three would playing hard to get (which is really hard for me by the way) be the trick to get him more interested? Thank you for your time! Whitney
vsmini Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 For one..what does the whole, "But before I do I wanted to tell you something. I honestly can't see myself getting into any kind of relationship right now, I want to keep seeing you and if we work out later that's cool, but it could be a while, and I don't want to hold you up. I thought I was ready when I got on the site and everything, but now I feel like I'm just jumping into something " statement mean. WHAT? It means exactly what he said. That he is NOT up for a relationship right now. He stated it as clear as day. I swear - It's so frustrating when a guy tells you exactly what he does and does not want and then a girl tries to turn a deaf ear to it. Then later a girl will insist that he strung her along even though he was up front with her to begin with.
Author whatwhit Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 LOL okay thanks for yelling at me. I understood that part. But usually when a guy says that it just means they don't want a relationship with YOU. With this give scenario do you think that is true....or does he really just not want a relationship right now.
vsmini Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 LOL okay thanks for yelling at me. I understood that part. But usually when a guy says that it just means they don't want a relationship with YOU. With this give scenario do you think that is true....or does he really just not want a relationship right now. It's 50-50. Most likely he isn't over his ex or he just knows himself well enough to know that he isn't good for a relationship. It could be you but it doesn't seem so.
oaks Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 For one..what does the whole, "But before I do I wanted to tell you something. I honestly can't see myself getting into any kind of relationship right now, I want to keep seeing you and if we work out later that's cool, but it could be a while, and I don't want to hold you up. I thought I was ready when I got on the site and everything, but now I feel like I'm just jumping into something " statement mean. It's such a detailed statement that I think you can take it at face value. If all he said was "I don't want a relationship right now" then, perhaps, you could worry that he meant to add "... with you", but all the other stuff makes it sound very straightforward. Guys often say what they mean, so don't try to over-analyse it for double-speak! and should i tell him about my second date. Don't deceive him in to thinking that you're only seeing him, but there's no need to tell him about specific individual dates or specific other men. Perhaps make sure that he knows that the consequence of what he said is that you're still available to date other guys, but perhaps he's assuming that anyway. (At least, that's how I think I would handle it.) and three would playing hard to get (which is really hard for me by the way) be the trick to get him more interested? Not if he's like me. Playing games would make me move on very quickly, or if I just thought that you weren't interested I would cut my losses and move on as well. I'm sure it works for some people.
alexlakeman Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 It means he wants to bang you, but KNOWS you are not long term... I'm going to try that line later ... "I want to see you, but.." hmm, "I like you, I Feel the chemistry, but I don't see us in a long term..." no, no.. "Since I f)cked you already and you are hooked; I should tell you I am not looking for a long term..." no , no.. "I loved it last night, but don't see us in the long term.", lol I think you get the message he's trying to convey... "sleep with me, but that's as far as it goes; won't be bringing you home to the family for this coming July 4th celebration"
Author whatwhit Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 We were talking online. Just casual talking. We talk probably every day on facebook chat. I of course always initiate its...well for the past week I suppose. And he mention how his ex roommate (whose a girl) by the way told him that he hurt her cause she liked him or whatever. And I told him that when he sent me that message I state previous about "doesn't think hes ready for a relationship....." that it kind of hurt me but it was either beat myself over and it and not talk to you again..or take it for what it is and get to know you better...i told him i chose option number two...and he was like," aww..its what i do...i just feel like....i can't get too close to anyone..its like my curse...i'm glad you chose option number two. So like we get past that conversation talking about different topics. And then I was just like ok i'm going to go ttyl k gnight. Didn't give him chance to respond and I woke up this morning to this he sent this at like 3 in the am by the way, "Sorry, didn't get to tell you g'night'....i'm sorry you were hurt when i sent that message but i'm really glad i met you and i love having you as a friend :)". So that pretty much means he friend zoned me huh? I replied back with this, "woah. 3 in the morning crazyness. So, i just have a quick question cause i think i have the right to know. So, do you like have any feelings for me what so ever...and wanna do the friend thing til you're over stephanie or whatever....then maybe later down the road we could try to date..or no? imput please and thank you! Whitney
oaks Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 So that pretty much means he friend zoned me huh? I'm not sure who friend-zoned who with that exchange! I replied back with this, "woah. 3 in the morning crazyness. So, i just have a quick question cause i think i have the right to know. So, do you like have any feelings for me what so ever...and wanna do the friend thing til you're over stephanie or whatever....then maybe later down the road we could try to date..or no? But if there was any doubt before then I'm sure that he's sure that you just friend-zoned him here. What do you actually want with/from him?
Andy_K Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 He doesn't like you enough to want anything serious. No amount of doing, saying, waiting, or hoping will change this. You're best off dropping him and seeing what the other guy is like.
Author whatwhit Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 I'm not sure who friend-zoned who with that exchange! But if there was any doubt before then I'm sure that he's sure that you just friend-zoned him here. What do you actually want with/from him? You know I really like this guy. Its really strange to think that something could really possibly happen and then all of a sudden a change of heart occurs. Hes met my family..everytime we hang out we have a really great time just going on adventures and whatnot. I told my mom that I thought he could be the one, and i'm not crazy. I've had many long term relationships with guys one 2 year one...and then one 2 and a half year one...and i've never thought that about any of them. I think its just one of those things where when you know you know. At this point, I just really want to know how he feels about me. Which, is what I did in the reply back to his text this morning. Asked him point blank on how he feels.
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