angelsgurl Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 We started dating in October and started things off great. He would always be there and even though he was still into his ex then, I helped him get over her (so I believe) and then I found out that he was lying to me and talking to her still late at night after her told me he dosent do it anymore. I confronted him and he promised not to do it but from his phone bills I later found out, he was still doing it and most of the nights he did. I confronted him again and he said he would change things. The bills did not show her number anymore and I am not sure if he does still talk to her through his house phone and I started to not care about it. His best friend and him have had hooked up together every summer and I am not too comfortable with him being around her now but I am still living with it. He talks to her at night too but what can I say cause she is his best friend but he knows i am not too fond of it. To top it off he decided to go for one of HER friends wedding this August to an island for a week and as far as I know they will be in the same room and when i got it up he said he will try not to do that which i know he will. He claims to love me a lot and when we have sex, I used to never feel him completely into it but from the past month i do feel it a lot. He tells me he loves me and for the first time i feel like he means it finally. But the problem is, i think he has taken me for granted a lot. I am the kind of person who does not like to play games. i love to see my bf everyday and see nothing wrong in it and he kept telling me it wasnt good but in the end he wanted to see me too. Right after we do it, he falls asleep and tells me he is tired. He used to facebook and send me emails in my hotmail before and when i kept calling or texting him, he would tell me to give him his space and i eventually understood that it was ok cause he did fb and email me. But now things are changing, he never fb or emails me.. when i text him, he dosent reply for hours and when i call him he tells me we talk to much. I told him how it was unfair tht now we dint fb, email or text so atleast phone should be ok but he does it for a day and then its the same old. we used to go for movies every tuesday and from the past 5-6 weeks he started going with his friends too. I do not go out with his friends cause his "best friend" is always there and i am not comfotable with her being there specially cause she has bad mouthed me many times. So he started watching a movie with me and another one with his friends on tuesdays but recently he tells me no for movies cause he goes with his friends and it gets too much for him. He does not like to go on any other day cause tuesdays is half price and i tell him what movie i want to watch and he will go watch that with his friends. I read a couple of days back that i should start doing my things and keep his a little distant the way he does to me. Before i used to take his phone and see what he was upto but yesterday i did not bother looking even once. I did not call him at all or text him and waited for him to call me and it felt good. However i am not too good at these games and I believe that when u love someone why play these games? Today I lost my cool cause when i went to his house in the morning once again we did it and he went to sleep and i tried to wake him up but he did not wake up so i left and he did not even come after me to stop me. He went to work then and did not even come see me after because he was going with his friends for movies after 3 hours after his work. He treats me like **** somethimes and like most other girls i cry to him about how its not fair even one bit. I realized the times i cried he did change for the better for a bit but it was the same after a while. I was talking to him and in a moment of weakness i started crying telling him how he was compromising our time to go with his friends all the time. He told me how he barely goes out with them but still this week he went on saturday, monday and today. He knew after today he wouldnt see me till monday but he made no effort. It really hurts me i do not know what to do.. i want to be strong to not give a ****. all my relationships before i have never had this problem but he tells me how i need to be mean cause he loves it and yesterday when i was mean to him he complained about it and as a consequence did not come see me today after work. i am very very upset right now and please please please need some help about this. While the conversation was going on right now, he tells me he had to leave to get dressed for movies when he still had an hour and half before the movie. I feel ignored but still when he does say he loves me i feel like he means it.. What do i do please helpp me someone?
vsmini Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 I am the kind of person who does not like to play games. You may not like it but you are playing games and letting him play a game with you. No self-respecting girl who knows what she wants in a man would date someone who lied to her about keeping in contact with his ex. He treats me like **** somethimes and like most other girls i cry to him about how its not fair even one bit. :rolleyes:Like most other girls? I hope not. Most girls I know wouldn't waste time crying. They would state the issue to their guy and if things didn't get better they would get out of a bad relationship. I feel ignored but still when he does say he loves me i feel like he means it.. You don't feel like he means it - more likely you really want him to mean it. This sounds like a very immature relationship. He's probably still messing around with his ex. I doubt much will change - time to walk away and find something better.
Author angelsgurl Posted June 28, 2011 Author Posted June 28, 2011 You may not like it but you are playing games and letting him play a game with you. No self-respecting girl who knows what she wants in a man would date someone who lied to her about keeping in contact with his ex. :rolleyes:Like most other girls? I hope not. Most girls I know wouldn't waste time crying. They would state the issue to their guy and if things didn't get better they would get out of a bad relationship. You don't feel like he means it - more likely you really want him to mean it. This sounds like a very immature relationship. He's probably still messing around with his ex. I doubt much will change - time to walk away and find something better. he is 25 and i am 23 and honestly i expect some kind of maturity from him. I tell him to get out of the house all the time and DO something other then sleeping and watching movies. He takes me out when I eat his brains and I have to decide what to do and where to go. I started asking him to take me for a nice day out but it always ended up in me picking what to do and if I had no suggestions (cause I was shocked he hadnt plan anything) he would just suggest to stay in. I do love him a lot and I have given up a good share to be with him. He said his ex treated him bad and I kept thinking that was what makes him do what he does to me. I take him food my mum cooks for me all the time, i do not eat and leave it for him, i used to stay in school for HOURS to see him for an hour when he decided to come. There is no communication for us.. everytime i bring it up he laughs about it and I have never had a serious conversation with him ever. When he is wrong he just gets so mad and tells me how i am getting him mad. Sometimes i feel like he just uses me for sex but some of the days I have had with him were amazing.
vsmini Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 He said his ex treated him bad and I kept thinking that was what makes him do what he does to me. A. If his ex treated him so bad then why did he maintain contact with her? Why would he bother with someone that treated him poorly? B. People who are treated poorly should learn from it and treat other's better. It's so lame that people let others off the hook "oh well it's not his fault he treats me like crap, it's his ex's fault." What else is she responsible for as far as HIS behavior is concerned? Don't make excuses for him. There is no communication for us.. everytime i bring it up he laughs about it and I have never had a serious conversation with him ever. This is not a real relationship if this is how the two of you communicate. I'm sorry to sound so harsh but it's time for you to walk. You're young but a little too old to be taking this crap.
Author angelsgurl Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 I am going to ignore his calls and texts for a while and going to have a talk with him one last time and if things still say the same.. i am going to be walking out. Thank you. I had no one to talk to about this and you really helped. Harsh is good sometimes cause u tend to see the truth when u love him.
Author angelsgurl Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 P.S. everytime i got mad/upset he told me i started acting crazy again.
Yookie Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 What do you do? You stop seeing this loser and find a man that actually wants to be in a relationship with you and only you. You've only been seeing him for 8 months. Trust me you CAN get over him. When you find a guy who treats you right you will wonder why you even bothered to waste time on this jerk.
Author angelsgurl Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 What do you do? You stop seeing this loser and find a man that actually wants to be in a relationship with you and only you. You've only been seeing him for 8 months. Trust me you CAN get over him. When you find a guy who treats you right you will wonder why you even bothered to waste time on this jerk. i know it sounds silly but its hard.. i did a lot of things with him tht i had never done with an ex eg went on a vacation etc etc.
vsmini Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 i know it sounds silly but its hard.. i did a lot of things with him tht i had never done with an ex eg went on a vacation etc etc. Time to get tough. So you went on vacation with him - you'll go on vacation with the next guy. Don't stay in a crappy relationship just because you're afraid of being alone. You're wasting your time.
t0ri Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 (edited) The guy is a liar, disrespectful, calls you crazy for being upset, and walks all over you. You've never had a serious conversation and he blows your feelings off because you two have completely different levels of respect for each other. You are not that important to him, unfortunately. The longer you stay with him, the harder it will be to leave, and don't bet on him changing. Love yourself enough to walk away! Edited June 29, 2011 by t0ri
Author angelsgurl Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 The guy is a liar, disrespectful, calls you crazy for being upset, and walks all over you. You've never had a serious conversation and he blows your feelings off because you two have completely different levels of respect for each other. You are not that important to him, unfortunately. The longer you stay with him, the harder it will be to leave, and don't bet on him changing. Love yourself enough to walk away! so i had a talk with him last night and he said i told him everything and he said he will do everything he can to change it and does not mean to treat me that way :S
phillyfan Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 We started dating in October and started things off great. He would always be there and even though he was still into his ex then, I helped him get over her (so I believe) and then I found out that he was lying to me and talking to her still late at night after her told me he dosent do it anymore. I confronted him and he promised not to do it but from his phone bills I later found out, he was still doing it and most of the nights he did. I confronted him again and he said he would change things. The bills did not show her number anymore and I am not sure if he does still talk to her through his house phone and I started to not care about it. His best friend and him have had hooked up together every summer and I am not too comfortable with him being around her now but I am still living with it. He talks to her at night too but what can I say cause she is his best friend but he knows i am not too fond of it. To top it off he decided to go for one of HER friends wedding this August to an island for a week and as far as I know they will be in the same room and when i got it up he said he will try not to do that which i know he will. He claims to love me a lot and when we have sex, I used to never feel him completely into it but from the past month i do feel it a lot. He tells me he loves me and for the first time i feel like he means it finally. But the problem is, i think he has taken me for granted a lot. I am the kind of person who does not like to play games. i love to see my bf everyday and see nothing wrong in it and he kept telling me it wasnt good but in the end he wanted to see me too. Right after we do it, he falls asleep and tells me he is tired. He used to facebook and send me emails in my hotmail before and when i kept calling or texting him, he would tell me to give him his space and i eventually understood that it was ok cause he did fb and email me. But now things are changing, he never fb or emails me.. when i text him, he dosent reply for hours and when i call him he tells me we talk to much. I told him how it was unfair tht now we dint fb, email or text so atleast phone should be ok but he does it for a day and then its the same old. we used to go for movies every tuesday and from the past 5-6 weeks he started going with his friends too. I do not go out with his friends cause his "best friend" is always there and i am not comfotable with her being there specially cause she has bad mouthed me many times. So he started watching a movie with me and another one with his friends on tuesdays but recently he tells me no for movies cause he goes with his friends and it gets too much for him. He does not like to go on any other day cause tuesdays is half price and i tell him what movie i want to watch and he will go watch that with his friends. I read a couple of days back that i should start doing my things and keep his a little distant the way he does to me. Before i used to take his phone and see what he was upto but yesterday i did not bother looking even once. I did not call him at all or text him and waited for him to call me and it felt good. However i am not too good at these games and I believe that when u love someone why play these games? Today I lost my cool cause when i went to his house in the morning once again we did it and he went to sleep and i tried to wake him up but he did not wake up so i left and he did not even come after me to stop me. He went to work then and did not even come see me after because he was going with his friends for movies after 3 hours after his work. He treats me like **** somethimes and like most other girls i cry to him about how its not fair even one bit. I realized the times i cried he did change for the better for a bit but it was the same after a while. I was talking to him and in a moment of weakness i started crying telling him how he was compromising our time to go with his friends all the time. He told me how he barely goes out with them but still this week he went on saturday, monday and today. He knew after today he wouldnt see me till monday but he made no effort. It really hurts me i do not know what to do.. i want to be strong to not give a ****. all my relationships before i have never had this problem but he tells me how i need to be mean cause he loves it and yesterday when i was mean to him he complained about it and as a consequence did not come see me today after work. i am very very upset right now and please please please need some help about this. While the conversation was going on right now, he tells me he had to leave to get dressed for movies when he still had an hour and half before the movie. I feel ignored but still when he does say he loves me i feel like he means it.. What do i do please helpp me someone? Dude, u sound like a sweetie, please listen 2 me wen i say this: leave him. He dont respect u, or care 4 u. He walks ALL OVER U, and u let it happen as long as he says 'i love u, sorry' once in a while. Not good enuf dude, uv turned into a doormat.
I have no title Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Why dont you just DUMP him altogether? By sitting and waiting until he will text you, and feeling ignored and frustrated when he's out with his ex gf you are getting yourself into a very painfull game...Everyday you sit and wonder: will he call? does he care? but he said he loved me, did he mean it?...damn, just cut it off...I know its hard but its the best thing to do...Be strong, where is your self-esteem! Why would you allow a man to treat you like this and tolerate the fact that he would be ON A HOLLIDAY in the SAME ROOM with his EX GF! If I heard that from my bf, no matter how much I love him and care about him, these would be the last conversation I would ever have with him...He is not worth all those nerves and tears...When I was reading what you wrote I was shocked of how much he did to you and how many things you had to tolerate and swallow your anger, and he still doesnt seem to care that much... Look, my ex bf used to tell me I was the girl of his life, his future wife and used to send me emails of how much he cared and loved me...and after 6 months I found out he was cheating on me with another girl (it was a distance r-ship we had) and that all those confessions were bulls*it, and he was saying it just to make sure he had a back-up plan, just in case!..... Dont judge from what he says - words are nothing, words are dust...Judge from his behavior, from what he does to show you the love he claims to feel for you...And from your description to be honest, he doesnt do much, and he kinda takes you for granted..open up your eyes and think clear...not everything that men say is true, even though it might sound very real and true, just because we are so deeply in love with them..Think about it...is he worth it all? Dont let him take you for granted, you deserve better!
Author angelsgurl Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 (edited) Why dont you just DUMP him altogether? By sitting and waiting until he will text you, and feeling ignored and frustrated when he's out with his ex gf you are getting yourself into a very painfull game...Everyday you sit and wonder: will he call? does he care? but he said he loved me, did he mean it?...damn, just cut it off...I know its hard but its the best thing to do...Be strong, where is your self-esteem! Why would you allow a man to treat you like this and tolerate the fact that he would be ON A HOLLIDAY in the SAME ROOM with his EX GF! If I heard that from my bf, no matter how much I love him and care about him, these would be the last conversation I would ever have with him...He is not worth all those nerves and tears...When I was reading what you wrote I was shocked of how much he did to you and how many things you had to tolerate and swallow your anger, and he still doesnt seem to care that much... Look, my ex bf used to tell me I was the girl of his life, his future wife and used to send me emails of how much he cared and loved me...and after 6 months I found out he was cheating on me with another girl (it was a distance r-ship we had) and that all those confessions were bulls*it, and he was saying it just to make sure he had a back-up plan, just in case!..... Dont judge from what he says - words are nothing, words are dust...Judge from his behavior, from what he does to show you the love he claims to feel for you...And from your description to be honest, he doesnt do much, and he kinda takes you for granted..open up your eyes and think clear...not everything that men say is true, even though it might sound very real and true, just because we are so deeply in love with them..Think about it...is he worth it all? Dont let him take you for granted, you deserve better! he is going on a holiday with his "best friend" that has hooked up with him every summer for god knows how long.. does that change anything?.. and he knows i hate him chilling with her a lot but he casually has been to movies with her alone and when i got super pissed he agreed to never go alone and only go if he has other friends with them. he started working from this week at the same place she works and to be honest, i have never told anyone this including him but the hours he is at the library working with her, it KILLS me and i do things to distract me. he desperately needed a job and was looking for one from months and got this through her and that why i did not say much but it just leaves me wondering. Isnt a guy supposed to do things that does NOT hurt his gf? after making it loud and clear that i dislike it, he continues to do it and tells me he is a slow learner. On the other side, he has made me meet a lot of his family who love me and he only takes his gf to meet his family if they are serious. I decided not to mingle with his friends cause that best friend of his is always there. does him taking me to meet his family say and mean anything? his mum has told me so many times that im getting to know the family and he tells everyone I am his gf.. im sooooooooo lost.. sorry i am all so confused about everything Edited June 30, 2011 by angelsgurl
I have no title Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 to me is seems like you're just looking for excuses and desperately stick to good or positive things he does to you just to compensate all the s*it he had done to you...No he doesnt treat you well beleive me! My ex bf treated me exactly the same, and he was always around a girl too, which was pissing me off a lot, but he was saying she is just his good friend....well then I found out he was cheating on me with her for a long time.. If he would really love you, he would not ignore your anger and frustration (which he does)...you are looking for excuses, for ways to explain everything and make everything sound like its ok - but its not...Look, I am very opened with you, cause I've gone through the same thing, and beleive me I ended up being completely DEVASTATED....The fact that he acquainted you with his family doesnt really say much...You are just dating for a while and he decided to let you know his family..I wudnt really stick to that..... I dont want you to think that Im being negative and denying all the things just to convince you that he is an ass.....I truly hope that he isnt and that all the things he does are really because he loves you, and all the ignorance and anger he causes to you is just the stupid circumstances... But I dont know that guy and I see things from another perspective than you...And I just know that a guy wont spend so much time around some girl, which he had some intimacy with, especially knowing that you dont like it, and ignoring the fact that you feel angry and pissed....He's always in contact with her, to me it seems like he is more in contact with her than with you...from what you told, it seems like he spends more of his spare time around her, no matter if its with other friends too...He might as well use it as an excuse, and you have never followed him and checked up on him whether he really goes out with his friends and what does he do in that cinema.... If I were you, and I was so in love with him....I know it might sound insane and creepy, but I would follow him to that cinema where he goes with his friends and see what he does there....especially if I knew he is with her alone....Id just go, buy a ticket in the last row and make it clear for myself whether he cheats or not....so that I wont have to suffer and sit at home and wonder, where is he, with whom and what does he do..
Author angelsgurl Posted June 30, 2011 Author Posted June 30, 2011 to me is seems like you're just looking for excuses and desperately stick to good or positive things he does to you just to compensate all the s*it he had done to you...No he doesnt treat you well beleive me! My ex bf treated me exactly the same, and he was always around a girl too, which was pissing me off a lot, but he was saying she is just his good friend....well then I found out he was cheating on me with her for a long time.. If he would really love you, he would not ignore your anger and frustration (which he does)...you are looking for excuses, for ways to explain everything and make everything sound like its ok - but its not...Look, I am very opened with you, cause I've gone through the same thing, and beleive me I ended up being completely DEVASTATED....The fact that he acquainted you with his family doesnt really say much...You are just dating for a while and he decided to let you know his family..I wudnt really stick to that..... I dont want you to think that Im being negative and denying all the things just to convince you that he is an ass.....I truly hope that he isnt and that all the things he does are really because he loves you, and all the ignorance and anger he causes to you is just the stupid circumstances... But I dont know that guy and I see things from another perspective than you...And I just know that a guy wont spend so much time around some girl, which he had some intimacy with, especially knowing that you dont like it, and ignoring the fact that you feel angry and pissed....He's always in contact with her, to me it seems like he is more in contact with her than with you...from what you told, it seems like he spends more of his spare time around her, no matter if its with other friends too...He might as well use it as an excuse, and you have never followed him and checked up on him whether he really goes out with his friends and what does he do in that cinema.... If I were you, and I was so in love with him....I know it might sound insane and creepy, but I would follow him to that cinema where he goes with his friends and see what he does there....especially if I knew he is with her alone....Id just go, buy a ticket in the last row and make it clear for myself whether he cheats or not....so that I wont have to suffer and sit at home and wonder, where is he, with whom and what does he do.. thank u so much and trust me I have thought about following him enough times.. just that he goes out really late in the evenings and it gets hard for me to go so iv never done it.. but i guess its time.. atleast he told me that from now one tuesday he will watch movie with me and one with his friends.. alternate it.. but its not good enough and u are absolutely right.. i feel like when he is not with me, in his spare time he does spend time talking to her and makes it sound very casual to me.. i am sorry to be so ignorant to some of the things going on.. for a very long time i had been making excuses for his behaviour and forgiving him every time he did something stupid which also included a time in Decemeber when he had a girl come over to his house one night for movie and he fell "asleep" and so did she... some days later, when i was on his fb, i found out about that and he emailed her saying "i dont know if i kissed you and sorry for hugging u up, its a habit to hug up the person next to me".. hurt me a lot.. i have been sooo honest with him about everything.. i know its been a while.. his ex drama ended in march and this sleeping thing in december and he said he never had sex with her and promised in front of God.. dont know how much that meant to him.. i overlooked it all even though it bothers me till today that why did he? tried too long to find answers and never found them.. i just wish sometimes he just told me the truth and what is going on in his head.. to be with him i have A LOT of sacrifices to make and he knows it.. but till he does not straighten up how do i willingly make a step forward? my family does not know about him yet because of that.
I have no title Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 girl, I so understand your feelings....Im pretty sure he's cheating on you tho..Im sorry to say that, but it is kinda obvious to me..You dont have to be sorry for anything, its perfectly fine to feel the way you do...its cause you are an amaizing girl, willing to suffer, sacrifice and tolerate for the guy you love....but he doesnt deserve it...he's absolutely not worth it....I know you are in pain, but if you keep holding on, you will only prolongue your pain.. Its just so weird to hear that after this thing happened in December you're still holding on to him..it should have been a big big red flag from him that should have at least cause a big suspicion and distrust in him from your side...Dont trust him that much, he has something to hide, im pretty sure..He just acts very suspicious to me....Ive been there already and I dont think that all these things he did and still does speak of his honesty and decency or say that he is a good guy... I know if you break it off with him now, you wont find peace..you need to prove it to yourself that he's cheating..Im telling you, find a way, something, somehow, to make yourself sure whether he's cheating or not....Take his phone while he's sleepin' or I call your best friend and drive to the cinema where he is so that you're not alone in the night...I know its not good to do all these things, but it will at least assure you what to do next....Now you're undecided, you're swinging like a boat from one side to another..yes or no, yes or no....just find a way to find the truth cause then you'll have the facts, and when you have them you know exactly what to do!
Author angelsgurl Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 girl, I so understand your feelings....Im pretty sure he's cheating on you tho..Im sorry to say that, but it is kinda obvious to me..You dont have to be sorry for anything, its perfectly fine to feel the way you do...its cause you are an amaizing girl, willing to suffer, sacrifice and tolerate for the guy you love....but he doesnt deserve it...he's absolutely not worth it....I know you are in pain, but if you keep holding on, you will only prolongue your pain.. Its just so weird to hear that after this thing happened in December you're still holding on to him..it should have been a big big red flag from him that should have at least cause a big suspicion and distrust in him from your side...Dont trust him that much, he has something to hide, im pretty sure..He just acts very suspicious to me....Ive been there already and I dont think that all these things he did and still does speak of his honesty and decency or say that he is a good guy... I know if you break it off with him now, you wont find peace..you need to prove it to yourself that he's cheating..Im telling you, find a way, something, somehow, to make yourself sure whether he's cheating or not....Take his phone while he's sleepin' or I call your best friend and drive to the cinema where he is so that you're not alone in the night...I know its not good to do all these things, but it will at least assure you what to do next....Now you're undecided, you're swinging like a boat from one side to another..yes or no, yes or no....just find a way to find the truth cause then you'll have the facts, and when you have them you know exactly what to do! The December thing is STILL on my head and he calls me stupid and crazy for that cause he said he never done it again.. iv randomly surprised him at his house early mornings once or twice after that and he has had noone.. he has my stuff all over his room.. but it still bothers me about why he did that.. and you are very right... its time to check up.. this will be hard cause most of our friends are common friends through school.. but i will have to find a way and do it.. thank u sooooo much for all ur help
jonathank22 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I had no one to talk to about this and you really helped. Harsh is good sometimes cause u tend to see the truth when u love him.
Author angelsgurl Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 Maybe he is angry so the good thing to do is to talk with privacy that no one can disturb but if still it remains like that it's gonna better to stop that kind of relationship.. well he never talks..!! everytime i bring up a conversation, he tries to laugh it off..
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