vsmini Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 In a few months I'll be turning 29. No I'm not freaking out or looking back on a decade laden with 20-something year old problems but I did just have a memory pop back into my head. When I was 21 years old I was over at my (then) boyfriend's house eating dinner. We were talking to his parents about different ages and life stages and my ex's mom said something along the lines of: "My twenties were great for what they were worth but I would not trade the 30's or the 40's for them. No way would I want to be 20-something again." I thought, 'this woman is crazy! Everyone wants youth on their side, the chance to pick their direction in life and do whatever you want! She must be jealous or something.' Well now I wish I could go back and tell Mrs. W that think I understand what she meant. Twenties are great in some respects - you learn a sh*tload and if you're learning properly then you're probably making some painful mistakes along the way. Of course I have the rest of my life to make painful mistakes but I think a lot of the big ones get completed in your twenties. I have a backbone now. I have boundaries and I know myself better than I ever have. I know what to look for in a relationship, how to truly take responsibility for my own feelings and my own life and I know how to apply the lessons learned to make my life and relationships better. I can't tell you how nice it is to have all those trivial little insecurities gone and out of my way. t I hear a lot of people on this site talking about all the "jerks" and "stupid sluts" they fall for. How they just can't find a good man or good woman. The majority of these people are in their young twenties. Granted - all age groups have the same problems but when you're young.....yea.....most people want to sleep around and enjoy being young. I wouldn't bet on finding your soulmate in college or at the age of 22. It happens but....people are just too damn young. Thoughts? Was your 20-something decade a wreck or a riot? Did you learn a lot from it?
Sanman Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Well, I'm a little behind you, but I agree with this woman. My 20's are/were fun and I enjoyed every minute of the parties and craziness. However, I like that my life is more settled now. I am more comfortable in my own skin and I am settling into a point in my career where I can enjoy my self rather than being a slave to hire ups. I also value the right relationships more, romantic and otherwise. If my 20's were a crazy saturday night, I look forward to the lazy sunday afternoon that the next decade brings.
TheLawmaker Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 I haven't learned anything, because I'm stuck in a perpetual loop. I can't break out of it. If I actually get to DATE a girl, then I won't regret my 30's.
lovelydemon Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 My twenties played out great for me: I moved out of my parents' house to another country ( I always dreamed of), met my now ex-husband, a bunch of awesome friends, bought a house, learned to drive and swim. I have to say I knew exactly what I wanted and how to get it. Now that I'm divorced and in my late twenties, I seem kinda lost. I don't seem to have that determination anymore, most of the time I just feel like I've been there, done that: was married, own a house, etc. I need new goals.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 My 20s were great in that a good number of attractive men were interested in me, and I had many, many good times with them. Anything was possible, and I had some wild adventures all around the world that I will never forget. But I went through my 20s wearing rose-colored glasses. It wasn't till I turned 30 that I started getting real and seeing people (and men) and the world for how they really are. In some ways, it was great being in that bubble of wonder all the time. But in the end, it wasn't very honest or authentic.
proactivedreamer Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I am in my early to mid 20s, so I can sorta comment on this thread. I'd say looking back at 18, I would never ever ever want to be 18 again. I have a great appreciation for this process called "growing up", and I feel that as I have aged I have had a total shift in perspective and perception of the world at large and of myself. In terms of relationships, well, that seems to be where I am still struggling. The relationships that I have been in have been "successful" in the sense that they cultivated a real sense of self that I had not had when I was 18. My last relationship ended in excruciating heartbreak but I learned about the importance of being kind to myself, self-acceptance.I was exposed to other countries and possibilities as a result of that relationship. I am still learning and growing. It's a great to see how much good has come into my life as I pass through my 20s. I excited to see what the 30s bring Life is good!
TheLawmaker Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Personally, I went through social anxiety from age 22-27. Those 5 years were pure, unadulterated hell. I know my situation isn't the norm, but I see a silver lining at the end of it all. I am working on "doing stuff" that I should have been doing in my late teens, and trying to catch up. While it's frustrating, it's not impossible. I do notice that, at my age, I am learning things faster than I did when I was supposed to learn it the first time. I imagine it will be the same with dating, when I actually date again. I can catch up, and at my age I am more adapt at learning and maturing, rather than having started (and fumbled around) in my teens.
Citizen Erased Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 My 20's have been great so far, almost 4 years in. Just got married, made this huge move and am crazy happy. But I can see myself in 10 years thinking the exact same thing, that I wouldn't go back and do it again Look forward, not back.
iris219 Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 In my 20s's I had no direction for awhile-- I didn't think I needed it. I was idealistic and thought my life would just somehow unfold as it was supposed to. I was often self absorbed and felt entitled. I worked hard and put myself through school, and felt I deserved good things and an easy life. I was insecure, neurotic, and dealt with a lot of anxiety. I was ruled by emotion. If I felt something, I acted on it without thinking. I was never happy. I always wanted more. I was a scared little girl. I'm nearly the opposite now in my 30's. I can't believe I was ever that other person. Now I'm confident, independent, realistic, logical, and much more giving. What's annoying is I had really good relationships in my 20's, even though I was difficult and a little crazy. I met men who wanted to save me and they were willing to do anything for me. I had little to offer and they didn't care. Now that I don't need saving, now that I'm satisfied with my life and myself, now that I can better reciprocate love, and have a lot to offer, I can't find a good man or a good relationship. Now that I'm finally someone I'd want to be in a relationship with, I can't find one. Bad karma? I am so much happier with myself, but much less happy with the quality of the men I meet and my relationships. I'm complaining about the jerks I meet now. I didn't meet jerks in my 20's.
Cee Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 My twenties were pretty good. I made my best friends then who I still have. I had one great love in my 20s. But somehow I jumped the shark in my 30s with a disaster of a marriage followed by 4 years of celibacy. My 40s have been insanely great so far. I'm only 41 so I'm not sure whether this will last. I have a young boyfriend so I get to see the 20s again. I don't envy younger people. The economy still sucks and my BF and his friends have their talents wasted in dead end jobs. But I go to the parties and they are having a lot of fun.
Star Gazer Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I'm 33. You couldn't pay me to be 23 again. Or 26. Or even 29. My 30's have been faaaaantastic so far.
EasyHeart Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I can't say any decade was "better" than the others; they were all just different. Twenties are by far the most fun and easy decade: you're an adult but don't have any real responsibilities. You're exploring and doing a lot of things for the first time, which is a lot of fun. In your thirties, you start having to deal with adulthood: fewer options and opportunities, lots more responsibilities. Dating-wise, I think twenties are generally best for women, thirties are best for men. Most women are at their peak attractiveness during their twenties, and by the time men get into their 30s you have a pretty good idea about which ones are going to be successful and which ones aren't.
OliveOyl Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 My twenties kinda sucked. They were filled with existential angst and I drank too much on the weekends. My thirties were great. I met the guy I would marry, got married, bought a house, had two kids, and career took an interesting and desirable turn. My life seemed completely on track. My forties started another downhill slide. Learned son had a disability, lost touch with a lot of friends after moving to another state, husband and I drifted apart, marriage fell apart. My fifties... just entered... so far things seem to be on an upswing. Mood and outlook is definitely on an upswing after years of seeing no light at the end of the tunnel.
thatone Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Well, I'm a little behind you, but I agree with this woman. My 20's are/were fun and I enjoyed every minute of the parties and craziness. However, I like that my life is more settled now. I am more comfortable in my own skin and I am settling into a point in my career where I can enjoy my self rather than being a slave to hire ups. I also value the right relationships more, romantic and otherwise. If my 20's were a crazy saturday night, I look forward to the lazy sunday afternoon that the next decade brings. very good analogy. i'm 34 now. i have a few younger mid 20s friends so can go do the 20 something weekend of partying with big groups of people when i so choose, but i rarely miss those days. as cee suggested, i often feel sorry for them. they struggle to find decent jobs and such just like her younger friends do.
tigressA Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 "Dating and life in your twenties...that great?" No...not that great. I'd rather go back to being single digits in age, to be honest.
Saxis Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I never really got to experience much of my 20s. I've always been pretty shy. Got married at 21 and had a kid. Quit college to support a family. Divorced at 26. I had about one good year of recovery and singledom, then started another serious relationship at 27. Felt I was "settling" for a sub-par relationship again and got out at 29. That's where I am now, back to the single life and feel like I've got out of my shell much more in the last few months. I've been doing a bit of partying and feel like I've been more irresponsible, but I also just put an offer on a house. Growing up quick like that, I kinda feel like I missed out, but there were lessons learned early on that many people don't experience until their 30s and 40s. I'm looking forward to my 30s now!
Damien Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I'm 21 and as for dating, well so far I've experienced a break up but learnt A LOT from it which will help me out in future. As for life, well let's just say currently I'm having a crisis. I've failed university twice (for various reasons) and after this 'break year' to pick myself up, I'll be travelling abroad to study Psychology. So, the way I see it, my 20s will most likely consist of me trying new things, getting my life sorted out and come up with a decent plan for when I settle down with someone. Great or not? Eh, I'm looking forward to it, but I'll most likely be more comfortable once I'm in my 30s
Chicago_Guy Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Dating in one's 20s is much better for women because they are at the height of their attractiveness. Dating in the 30s and 40s is probably better for men.
worlybear Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I can't say any decade was "better" than the others; they were all just different. Twenties are by far the most fun and easy decade: you're an adult but don't have any real responsibilities. You're exploring and doing a lot of things for the first time, which is a lot of fun. In your thirties, you start having to deal with adulthood: fewer options and opportunities, lots more responsibilities. Dating-wise, I think twenties are generally best for women, thirties are best for men. Most women are at their peak attractiveness during their twenties, and by the time men get into their 30s you have a pretty good idea about which ones are going to be successful and which ones aren't. Well I'll pull up the drawbridge and clamber in the fitted box then! At 50 something I'm obviously well past it!
USMCHokie Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I'm 27 now, and I feel like I wasted a lot of my 20's being insecure and fearful of dating...I was so focused on my race being my hindrance to dating that I gave up on it entirely for many of those years...and now I feel that I'm trying too hard to make up for all that lost time... I wish I could do it over again...
Eve Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I guess I had a lot of responsibilities early on and this truly bothered me but also intrigued me because I am quite an anal person. So, I would say that my life pretty much got into gear at 25, though I felt I had lived two lifetimes by then! I have done and achieved so much that it is not even funny. Classic over achiever. Not into going backwards so I would not want a repeat of my early days at all. I think off my teen years and twenties as quite a painful transition but also a time of coming to like myself and really exploring my values. My late twenties and thirties have been about my marriage, career and business and raising my teens into solid, good people. Now I am due to start my forties, can't say I have been happier and I am looking forward with a new sense of freedom to a whole new life with minimum responsibilities. Not bad for a messed up girl, who felt unwanted as a child. No regrets. Even the dating mishaps and getting pregnant by someone who turned out to be an idiot. Take care, Eve x
grkBoy Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 Thoughts? Was your 20-something decade a wreck or a riot? Did you learn a lot from it? I think the "best time" is really dependent on the person. My 20s were "ok". I had a girlfriend and a bunch of dates, but let's be honest...I was the "nice guy" in a world of women who only wanted "bad boys". I wasn't the most attractive individual, nor the most suave. I was a student and lived at home most of my 20s. The late 20s living-at-home happened because of the poor economy. In my 30s I had some upsets, but things did change for me. I became more established in my career, got my own condo, and learned to dress and socialize better (that's a key thing). Suddenly I went from being girl repellant to getting several rather beautiful women looking my way. Maybe they're burned out by douchebags, I don't know...but I'd like to think they wanted a solid RL and knew I would give them that. So here I am in my late 30s and with a woman I will definitely marry. I honestly think my 30s were better than my 20s in many ways, but I also see them as DIFFERENT. My 20s were about discovery, being a little irresponsible, etc. My 30s were more about stability and living life as the "adult" rather than the "young person". I would not want to go back to my 20s, but I don't see it all as a dark time like some do.
kiss_andmakeup Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 At only 4 years into my 20's, I'm pretty pleased so far. Though things ended not-so-favourably with my last ex, the time I spent in that relationship actually taught me a lot and made me a better person. And going forward into this new relationship with this new (amazing) guy, I can use the tools and information I learned, both about relationships and about myself, to create a strong foundation and be a good partner.
thehead Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I'll be leaving my 20s in a few days. They were awesome thanks to getting to date many women, having a lot of friends, and going to a great college followed by getting a sick job there. Yeah. It's gonna be all downhill from here. LOL.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 This is a timely thread. I'm actually sitting here with my daughter's ex boyfriend, who is 29 and having some kind of a "pre-midlife crisis" that is centered, evidently, upon the perspective shift that I experienced when I was in my 30's, and which I'll describe in a minute. I was a train wreck in my 20's. I was not good to myself, or to others; I lived in a very reactive fashion. I was reacting to my troubled past, my moods and emotions, other people, environment, difficulties I had (and still have) with this world. I was pretty busy chasing a "feeling" - I needed to feel better, above all else. I will say, though, that I had an exciting life and many experiences. I'm sometimes honestly baffled that I lived through them all; it seems like I had a guardian angel. In my 30's I finally "grew up" and took responsibility for my life into my own hands; owned accountability for it, and consciously, actively worked towards creating a life that I wanted to live ... while knowing that my control in that regard was limited. (That knowledge used to paralyze me.) I worked at being, in practice, the kind of person I'd always purported to admire. I actually made a bit of progress on that path. Though I STRONGLY condemn having a child to "fix" one's life; it's not fair to the child, the unexpected arrival of my daughter did prod me in this positive direction - thank you, daughter! The 30's were a very good decade for me. I distinctly remember looking in the mirror on my 36th birthday. I didn't look old or anything like that (that's what I think, anyway! ), but I had this "moment of clarity" (of which I've had a few in my life, and they are always defining moments for me) where I fully and deeply realized: I am no longer young. It wasn't negative. Just a turning point in my perspective of myself traveling through this ... whatever life really is. The foreshadowing of a major paradigm shift: I will not do everything I imagined in this life. 40's - not great. I lost a lot of the momentum I had in my 30's around "creating" my life. One of my big flaws is that I am pretty spectacular at having huge ideas and actually making them reality - and I SUCK ant maintenance. My 40's were a lot about maintenance, and I did not do so well. Also, my shady demonic life partner, depression, came back to bother me with a vengeance. On top of that, some pretty bad things started happening (like, my then - beloved husband returning to drug abuse / addiction and the maelstrom of ugliness that it engendered) circumstantially. 50's - new decade. I am not graceful about being "old" but, oh well. My vanity struggles. I believe I am quite wise, which is good. I am deeply grateful that I have self-awareness by now, so my moods don't necessarily have to drive my actions - even though, honestly, I still think life is more difficult than it is "fun," as I always have.
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