MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Recap Ex dumped me end of Feb. He moved out end of April. He started dating new girl beginning of May. I have seen them together three times since then. I didn't know about her til 3 weeks ago when I first saw them. He left me b/c: I'm too controlling, insecure, i was mean and made him feel not good enough. I behaved that crappy b/c he talked to girls behind my back and by the time he came clean i never forgave him. We both had to work on ourselves. So now here we are...I've been waiting for him to give me a second chance. I didnt know he had already started a new relationship right away. he said they started as friends b/c she's his volleyball partner and now they just have this "zero effort, no drama, easy" relationship. He said he misses me and loves me but not enough to leave her and jump back into a relationship with me. he said he had to leave me cause of my religious beliefs. and that he is comfortable being non religious and that I would have never accepted that. That i deserve someone who is on my level spiritually. he said he's also afraid that i wont let him play vball as much as he does and that in 6 months i may go back to being as i was before. now i'm 1 week away from having to decide to extend lease or move out. i want him back so bad. i want him to give us a fair shot now that we both worked on ourselves but i know it wont happen. i dont know why i cant let go. i cried all weekend. I tried no contact and i think thats what helped him move on and forget about me. last time we talked was fri where he said he loves me but that he doesnt want to tell me cause "its unhealthy" for me to just "wait around". I wrote him an email (I know i know i know). In my email i told him that i can't give anymore that i have given all i can and waited all i can and now i need him to either come back to me or just let go completely. i told him he has til july 5th to let me know cause thats when i need to tell the landlord if i am moving. i feel stupid cause i sent the email yesterday morning...and i saw them again last night going to the movies. I'm like WTF how is it posisble to see them so much??? its insane! and they were going to the movies AGAIN. all he does (they do) is play volleyball 6 times a week and go to movies and go out. i mean of course that's zero effort. crap. i hate this. so i know he's not going to choose me. and i swear i wont contact him ever again after the 5th. i just feel so stupid cause i dont hav eit in me to just write him and be like "never mind disregard all emails I don't ever want to see you again". i dont have it in me. i just keep setting mysel fup for rejection. i mean if he were going to choose me he wouldnt have been at the movies with her last night. duh. why cant i get that? why do i insist that he is the one and that we need to be together? i'm so sad. i lost him. i feel guilty cause I pressured/demanded that he become more spiritual like super fast and i made a mistake. i feel like had i not given him the impression that i would only marry him if he were to get baptized we would still be together and that's the main reason why he won't be with me. that's what he said. so now i feel guilty. i cant undo what i said cause now he wont believe me.
usabup Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Recap Ex dumped me end of Feb. He moved out end of April. He started dating new girl beginning of May. I have seen them together three times since then. I didn't know about her til 3 weeks ago when I first saw them. He left me b/c: I'm too controlling, insecure, i was mean and made him feel not good enough. I behaved that crappy b/c he talked to girls behind my back and by the time he came clean i never forgave him. We both had to work on ourselves. So now here we are...I've been waiting for him to give me a second chance. I didnt know he had already started a new relationship right away. he said they started as friends b/c she's his volleyball partner and now they just have this "zero effort, no drama, easy" relationship. He said he misses me and loves me but not enough to leave her and jump back into a relationship with me. he said he had to leave me cause of my religious beliefs. and that he is comfortable being non religious and that I would have never accepted that. That i deserve someone who is on my level spiritually. he said he's also afraid that i wont let him play vball as much as he does and that in 6 months i may go back to being as i was before. now i'm 1 week away from having to decide to extend lease or move out. i want him back so bad. i want him to give us a fair shot now that we both worked on ourselves but i know it wont happen. i dont know why i cant let go. i cried all weekend. I tried no contact and i think thats what helped him move on and forget about me. last time we talked was fri where he said he loves me but that he doesnt want to tell me cause "its unhealthy" for me to just "wait around". I wrote him an email (I know i know i know). In my email i told him that i can't give anymore that i have given all i can and waited all i can and now i need him to either come back to me or just let go completely. i told him he has til july 5th to let me know cause thats when i need to tell the landlord if i am moving. i feel stupid cause i sent the email yesterday morning...and i saw them again last night going to the movies. I'm like WTF how is it posisble to see them so much??? its insane! and they were going to the movies AGAIN. all he does (they do) is play volleyball 6 times a week and go to movies and go out. i mean of course that's zero effort. crap. i hate this. so i know he's not going to choose me. and i swear i wont contact him ever again after the 5th. i just feel so stupid cause i dont hav eit in me to just write him and be like "never mind disregard all emails I don't ever want to see you again". i dont have it in me. i just keep setting mysel fup for rejection. i mean if he were going to choose me he wouldnt have been at the movies with her last night. duh. why cant i get that? why do i insist that he is the one and that we need to be together? i'm so sad. i lost him. i feel guilty cause I pressured/demanded that he become more spiritual like super fast and i made a mistake. i feel like had i not given him the impression that i would only marry him if he were to get baptized we would still be together and that's the main reason why he won't be with me. that's what he said. so now i feel guilty. i cant undo what i said cause now he wont believe me. Did he reply to the e-mail
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 Did he reply to the e-mail He said I don't deserve this and don't deserve this pain and that i deserve an explanation and an apology... so basically he is going to write me a letter telling me why he can't be with me (also known as doesnt want to) and why he ended up with her. I feel so defeated. Why can't i just let go and move on? why do i insist that HE is the guy for me and that I need to be with him
betterdeal Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 My advice is to write any letters you wish to, on paper, put them in an envelope, and hold onto it for 3 days. If, after 3 days, you still want to send it, send it by post. Email, text, Facebook are all far too easy a way to send a private thought to someone before you've had time to consider whether you want it to be a public statement. You are the only person you need. Right now, part of you is hankering for this guy, but another part of you knows it is over. That part has to negotiate with the first part of you, and say, "okay, I understand, it's okay to feel this way" and put the letter to one side. You're going to become your own best friend now.
Recommended Posts