whichwayisup Posted June 30, 2011 Posted June 30, 2011 I'm not gonna lie...it was the sex. The sex was Amazing! I'm gonna miss the sex... It's always about the sex, isn't it. This isn't about cheating or anything, but when I was 17 I was dating a guy for a long time, eventually turned more serious (FWB turned into something more)..Anyway, long story short, I stayed with him till I was nearly 21. He didn't treat me too well and outside of the bedroom I didn't like him too much! BUt, I was too weak to end it because the sex was so amazing.
Joe Normal Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 dude your first reaction chucking her out was the only one you should have made don't ever doubt that. She is proclaiming love to another man? You realise the rekindled sex you had was guilt sex? if you don't you do now. For someone to love someone it has to be goin on for a while. My advice is move your assets to someone you trust chuck her out, make sure she gets as little as what you have as you can. Go BACK TO YOUR FAMILY tell them you were wrong they were right sort out the crap between your family first. This bitch got caught red handed she is panicking because things didntt plan out as she was hoping to. I dont believe you to be a mug, i hope you chuck her out and prove that you are a man. You spoiled her rotten you admit that, never do that that's just asking for her to become a gold digger. Lesson learned move on find another person who is better than her and flourish. please don't reconcile you know in your heart it is wrong. Print this out and attach it to your bedroom door. Every time you think about her, get up and give it a read
Richard Friedman Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Never, ever forsake you family again pal, especially for a woman. They are the only ones who truly have your interests at heart. Friends are good so long as you are at or near their level, but only your folks want the best for you.
Richard Friedman Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I know this is going to catch me a lot of flack but maybe her behavior demonstrates why your mother wants to hook you up with a Chinese woman. I don't think it has anything to do with race though. Next time make sure a woman is trustworthy no matter what race she is. Heh. I get what you're saying. I have many asian colleagues including some women. Their cultures seem to have a sense of duty and obligation. When you get married/have kids you have a duty to your family to see it through, regardless of boredom, lack of intimacy, whatever. I guess it's pretty admirable in it's own way though there are no guarantees with individual people.
Mimolicious Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I have very few words. KICK HER THE FACK OUT. That simple... not only did you lose your F over her, you are flushing away your $ raising someone else's kids while their mother has "profound" love for another man and is cheating with him. WHAT THE HELL ELSE DO YOU NEED TO KNOW?????????? KICK HER OUT AND COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS THAT YOU ARE NOT MARRIED TO THIS SKANK AND THAT YOU DON'T HAVE A CHILD WITH HER! GOOD LUCK! You can do this! Get angry already!
Mimolicious Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I have to break this down somewhat. Originally she wanted to get married on my birthday in Vegas. After a particularly nasty fight I told her I didn't know if I wanted to marry her anymore. I could tell she was heartbroken. So she's actually been plotting revenge on me by screwing some guy on my birthday instead. ouch! Yeah ok... she's def feeding you some of that brown smelly stuff. You really believe this bullshyte?????? Sounds like she is manipulating and will try to shoot all her bullets till one hits. Reverse psychology for sure. Don't you see how quickly she can change her MO!??!! Good luck!
Author Wildabeest Posted July 5, 2011 Author Posted July 5, 2011 I haven't had a chance to post over the fourth of July weekend but now I'm back. Just wanted to fill you guys in on how the therapy session went. My therapist was a woman which provide me with some good insight into the psyche of the female mind. She basically wanted me to figure out what I want...hmmm, a fiance that doesn't cheat...I digress...She wasn't trying to justify her cheating in any way but she did help me break down why she cheated and why our relationship was a mess. My fiance was evidently feeling neglected by me and having issues for a while. It really stems from how we fight, we don't fight productively and I'm passive aggressive. It was a real wake up call on my own behavior. I actually reread a letter from my previous girlfriend that said the exact same thing. In time I guess I just wasn't as invested into the relationship as I should have been. I guess I get bored easily and that translates into neglect. This is definitely something I am working on. Despite that, my fiance and I decided that we might as well be amicable with each other while she's still here. She has been apartment hunting all day today and may have found a place. The sucky thing about all this is that this last fourth of July weekend was one of my best weekends with her. few little issues here and there but we dealt with them in an adult manner. It gave me hope that we could possibly reconcile. She even took the step by offering her phone and saying what I wanted to hear all along...no transparency in her communications, however, its a little to late I feel, that ships sailed long ago although perhaps I am being hasty, that gesture does mean we are moving forward. I still love her so much but we both agree still that moving out is the best idea. She actually asked a few times if she really needed to move, I told her that it was her idea in the first place and it really needed to happen because I wasn't going to be in this relationship unless I knew that I was the only one for her. She needed to be on her own and decide for herself what she wanted. It breaks my heart knowing that she will be dating and screwing all these other guys but life goes on... We haven't decided on a plan for action after she moves out; will we still be together? Just taking a break, or quits for good. We will see...
Author Wildabeest Posted July 5, 2011 Author Posted July 5, 2011 Never, ever forsake you family again pal, especially for a woman. They are the only ones who truly have your interests at heart. Friends are good so long as you are at or near their level, but only your folks want the best for you. I wish my family truly had my interests at heart but they don't. They are happy when I pledge my total allegiance to them and forsake my own happiness. My own sister met someone who you would think my parents would go crazy over, Chinese guy, his parents were friends of theirs, and hes a genuinely nice guy. My mom hated him from the get go because his family wasn't rich enough. It took three years, marriage and children before my mother came around. Do I really need this shyte in my life, Oh forgot, the therapist did say that my fiance being with me meant she was always second best, my family would always be first. Would you be in a relationship like that, no. I wouldn't either. The therapist basically said that If the relationship was salvageable, or if I was in a new relationship, I needed to choose me, or them. My happiness or their happiness. I can't have both. FML!
Author Wildabeest Posted July 5, 2011 Author Posted July 5, 2011 O.K. let me get this straight...you held a gun to your fiance's head and forced her to cheat? Yeah if that happened then your own behavior is at fault. Otherwise get a new therapist, the one you have is crackers. She wasn't justifying the cheating by any means, she was just trying to make sense of why she would do so.
Author Wildabeest Posted July 5, 2011 Author Posted July 5, 2011 I have very few words. KICK HER THE FACK OUT. That simple... not only did you lose your F over her, you are flushing away your $ raising someone else's kids while their mother has "profound" love for another man and is cheating with him. WHAT THE HELL ELSE DO YOU NEED TO KNOW?????????? KICK HER OUT AND COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS THAT YOU ARE NOT MARRIED TO THIS SKANK AND THAT YOU DON'T HAVE A CHILD WITH HER! GOOD LUCK! You can do this! Get angry already! I have been angry, livid even. I am sad and happy all at the same time. Its ridiculous.
Mimolicious Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I wonder if your gf would have come clean if you didn't find her phone with such messages?!?!?!?! Hmmmm...
Author Wildabeest Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 I wonder if your gf would have come clean if you didn't find her phone with such messages?!?!?!?! Hmmmm... She said she was going to tell me Wednesday when she was going to take me out for my birthday. I confronted her Monday night. I doubt she would have 'fessed up. I should've waited to confront her and see how long she was going to carry on the charade. Oh well. I can only speculate on her motives now.
whichwayisup Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 She said she was going to tell me Wednesday when she was going to take me out for my birthday. I confronted her Monday night. I doubt she would have 'fessed up. I should've waited to confront her and see how long she was going to carry on the charade. Oh well. I can only speculate on her motives now. Wow, happy fricken birthday! Are you joking? She was going to tell you on your birthday? WTF.. I am sorry that you are going through this, but better now than down the road and you have a few kids in tow. Work on you, it's good your therapist made you see some mistakes that you made, we all can learn about ourselves and make changes for the better.
Author Wildabeest Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 Lol! Her telling me that she cheated on me during my birthday dinner (even though it was a belated birthday dinner) is the second worse birthday present in the world. Her cheating on me ON my birthday is still the worst present in the history of presents. Can't help but chuckle at that. Yet I really love this woman? Help me wake up and see what type of person she truly is. Tonight was another milestone moment for me. We were talking tonight about what we planned to do when she moves out. Stay together or separate. That discussion turned into our issues we are having. She flat out told me that it's not the cheating she was pissed with but our relationship issues. She was pretty much trivializing the whole cheating aspect and focusing on what led up to the cheating. Something finally clicked. This whole week since I found out about the cheating i have tried to make this relationship work despite me having been the once cheated on. I see how manipulative she is. Its been "poor me! Poor me. I have anxiety and depression. I'm not blaming you but it's all your fault that I cheated." It basically came out that way. She had me wrapped around her little finger where I was the one sorrowful for what I did in the relationship and her cheating was inevitable. She almost got me to help her out monetarily with her apartment and even pulled out Ikea catalogs pointing her finger at a couch set all the while batting her eyelashes and pouring in the charm. What a gold digger. Why the hel( was i so blind to everything. I disgust myself. After tonight Its no more mister nice guy. The gloves are off. Seriously though? Now it's become so much clearer I don't see her the same way. I am ambivalent toward her. It's nice to feel in control of my emotions again. Sh
Washburn Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 How about she moves out NOW. There's no reason to be with this farce of a woman. Im with this guy. If I was you I woulda kicked her the **** out the second i found out she cheated on me and FEEL IN LOVE with another guy. However, since you are a little more compassionate then specify a timeframe. If not, she will drag her feet about moving. Who knows when she actually finds a place? So give her a time frame. Like give her til the 15th or something. Dont giver her too much time but two weeks or something. AND dont let her extend it.
drifter777 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 How about she moves out NOW. There's no reason to be with this farce of a woman. Best advice you've gotten this week. It's time to reclaim your balls and stand up to this cheating whore. Kick her worthless ass out and start your life over. I recommend you continue IC, but maybe with a different therapist because I think you need a fresh start on all fronts. Be strong. Good luck.
GorillaTheater Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I think it's great that you've discovered some issues that you need to work on. It's hard to go wrong with self-awareness and self-improvement, and it will help with having a healthier relationship with the next woman. But your issues had nothing to do with her cheating; that's 100% on her. If she had a problem with your issues, then she should have done the mature thing and broken off the relationship prior to hopping in the sack with someone else. You lucked out by discovering what kind of woman she is prior to marrying her, and you would do yourself a huge favor by making her leave and completely cutting her out of your life as quickly as possible. Dragging this sh*t out is just going to hurt you more.
Mimolicious Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 She said she was going to tell me Wednesday when she was going to take me out for my birthday. I confronted her Monday night. I doubt she would have 'fessed up. I should've waited to confront her and see how long she was going to carry on the charade. Oh well. I can only speculate on her motives now. Yo not for nothing, this chick is not even a good story teller. ON YOUR BIRTHDAY???????????? YEAH OK! WHO DOES THAT? :rolleyes: I mean, have you done something to her that she is looking for payback????? Maybe the issues with your family has created a monster. What a bytch!
Mimolicious Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 How about she moves out NOW. There's no reason to be with this farce of a woman. Or do this (if you dont hurt for cash) get her an apt. buy her the fricking couch and that is what she is worth. Make sure you tell her that. That she is worth a couch, a months rent and security deposit. That's pretty darn cheap in my book. DO IT!!!!!! Kill her with kindness! Oh and DONT GO HAVING "BIRTHDAY $EX" either. Last thing you need is a manipulating skank like this being the mother of your kids. Imagine if you have to ever pay her child support. Strap it!!! Besides, later on she'll tell you it was pitypu$$ay.
shayla Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Let me apologize in advance. and please don't get me wrong. I do not advocate this woman cheating, nor her shady moves after the fact. But. I don't know any woman that wants to come dead last in her man's life. Yes as adults we have responsibilities....I took care of my father until the day he died, 2 months ago. But my relationship was a priority, my bf knew that he mattered to me, and there was no one in that relationship except for he and I. No member of my family controlled it from the outside, which seems to be the case in this relationship. I was with a man in the past who put everyone in his life before me, his mother called him several times a day and made it plain that she did not approve of me (I am black and he is white). We are middle aged for crying out loud, and he wanted to sneak around with me for fear of his mother finding out that we were seeing each other....I didn't stick around long.
Mimolicious Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Let me apologize in advance. and please don't get me wrong. I do not advocate this woman cheating, nor her shady moves after the fact. But. I don't know any woman that wants to come dead last in her man's life. Yes as adults we have responsibilities....I took care of my father until the day he died, 2 months ago. But my relationship was a priority, my bf knew that he mattered to me, and there was no one in that relationship except for he and I. No member of my family controlled it from the outside, which seems to be the case in this relationship. I was with a man in the past who put everyone in his life before me, his mother called him several times a day and made it plain that she did not approve of me (I am black and he is white). We are middle aged for crying out loud, and he wanted to sneak around with me for fear of his mother finding out that we were seeing each other....I didn't stick around long. Actually not. As you can read, he turned on his family and lived with this woman. So how are they controlling it from the outside? She cheated on him, even after he put her first than his own family. Now she is using his "family" antic to justify why she cheated. Yeah, I would be using any excuse I could if I had to go from a 8200 sf. home to a one bedroom.
shayla Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Actually not. As you can read, he turned on his family and lived with this woman. So how are they controlling it from the outside? She cheated on him, even after he put her first than his own family. Now she is using his "family" antic to justify why she cheated. Yeah, I would be using any excuse I could if I had to go from a 8200 sf. home to a one bedroom. As the BS of a cheater, as I've said, I am in no way condoning this woman's behavior. The family is controlling the relationship still because I am sure that the tension this man felt over the jeopardy of his job, and tension of being estranged from his family has taken it's toll on him and their relationship. It's a shame that it had to be either/ or with them. I am sure that the OP had plenty of love to go around. Fulfill the responsibility to his family, and still be a full participant in his relationship. Even so, if she was so unhappy, she could have left the relationship. and as I also said, her actions after the fact were and are shady as hell. And there is no way I'd stand for it. All I am saying, is that I know how hard it is loving a man that is controlled by his mother.
Author Wildabeest Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 It boils down to this. She was living in a house that was financed through my family business. My dad was all for her moving in but when my mom found out all hell broke loose. She ended up moving in anyways and things were fine. We had built a pretty cozy existence. I gave up all the family dinners, and we are talking every Sunday night, to be with her. I ended up ostracizing my whole family. The straw that broke the camels back was the vacation we were taking without her. I just don't think it reasonable to assume that my family would need to take her and the children on family trips. So I was in a dilemma, do I let my children go with my parents on vacation once a year or use it as a bargaining chip by not letting them take my children unless they acknowledged my fiance. I told my fiance that even though it hurt for one week, we would create our own family memories on our own trip. She wouldn't have that, it was all or nothing with her. Am i being unreasonable in that one demand?
waytogo Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 It boils down to this. She was living in a house that was financed through my family business. My dad was all for her moving in but when my mom found out all hell broke loose. She ended up moving in anyways and things were fine. We had built a pretty cozy existence. I gave up all the family dinners, and we are talking every Sunday night, to be with her. I ended up ostracizing my whole family. The straw that broke the camels back was the vacation we were taking without her. I just don't think it reasonable to assume that my family would need to take her and the children on family trips. So I was in a dilemma, do I let my children go with my parents on vacation once a year or use it as a bargaining chip by not letting them take my children unless they acknowledged my fiance. I told my fiance that even though it hurt for one week, we would create our own family memories on our own trip. She wouldn't have that, it was all or nothing with her. Am i being unreasonable in that one demand? Sorry WB, this post is not clear. Are you estranged from your family now? Were you to go on a trip with the mother's kids with your family without her? Have you discussed how to handle independant parenting for such occasions. You have lost me.
Author Wildabeest Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 not estranged, no. The vacation was going to be my parents, me and my kids.
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