leoc1973 Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Ok so me and the ex girlfriend have been apart for 2 months. She appears to still be very in love with me. She dumped me for a really good career opportunity in another city she said that things just weren't going to work cause of the long distance thing. My mom being really sick and I couldn't leave her. I tried to get her to do the long distance thing for a while till I finished school and my mom passes but she said it wouldn't work just cause of gas prices and she said she couldn't afford to support me at all. So she decided to make a clean break. I guess she really misses me a lot. I pretty much went nc but she knows that I will take a long time to get over her so I don't know if she is taking her sweet time to think about it or what. I guess she hasn't started dating anyone but who knows. Anyways she texted me on Monday, she asked if I wanted to hang out this Friday while she is home for the weekend. She seems to have a lot to do but is still making time for me. I don't know if she is looking for an ego boost or to see how I still feel or just because she would really like to see me. I haven't seen her in like a month and a half. I still love her and I think I want her back even tho she has caused me a lot of pain. I don't know what she is thinking. I don't think she has moved on, she has told me a few times that she misses me dearly and is hurting really bad too. So, here is my question... How do I play it? Do I treat her like just a friend? Do I tell her I want to work things out? I am afraid that if I tell her how I feel she will keep me on the hook for even longer just cause she might not really know what she wants. Also I am seeing two new girls. Just casually no sex yet. Do I tell her about the new girls? She might ask. I am starting to lean tward one of the new girls even tho I thought my ex was the "one". I would appreciate the advice. Please don't tell me that a break up is because its broken. We were perfect together and circumstances forced us apart. Also I don't need a lecture about hurting the new girls cause I did warn them ahead of time that my heart was not ready to give to someone new. I am starting to like one of the new girls a little tho to be honest. I guess I am looking for a way to get her to agree to do the long distance thing for a while till everything else falls into place. Also from the female perspective what will help me tickle her heart strings?
worthtrying Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 I can only speak for myself but, I don't like to play games. No one likes being hurt, which is why it is important that you let her know how you are feeling. If you want to get back together, but you are not sure of how things will work, tell her. I'm not up on any of those 'how to get your ex back' books, but I just don't see how saying the opposite of how you feel like work. Most people act as if they don't care about their ex when the relationship ends because they want to shield their feelings. Sometimes it can help them to get over a breakup faster, but other times they are just ignoring the pain. If she left because of a career move, it might be because she thought it was the best thing to do at the time. Maybe she still does. It doesn't mean that she doesn't regret breaking up with you. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your mother, and I'm sure that it made your break up even worse. You really have to think if you see a real future together and if risking a reconciliation is worth playing 'games.' Only you know your ex, so just think about how she's reacted to you spilling your guts in the past. I'm probably the last person that should be answering this, but I hope that I was able to provide some insight from a woman that's the complete opposite of a stereotypical 'girly girl.'
Author leoc1973 Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 Yeah I told you in your post I think that we split before. I kept telling her I loved her and we should work things out. She kept telling me its over just move on. This went on for 3 and a half months. The minute I listened to her and met someone new she called me crying and telling me that she made a mistake. I later asked her why she took so long and she said that she was always on the fence but the thought of me with another woman and losing me forever was something she could not bear. She also told me that she cried herself to sleep every night the whole time. God I hate games. Maybe she is just damaged. lol
wilsonx Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 i really do not believe it was for a career change, if she was telling you to move on it was because of a relationship change. Now you are the fallback guy now that she called you crying and it did not work. I would be VERY VERY Sketchy. My roommate's girlfriend did a career change and they never broke up, she moved here to VA and they stayed together even though he was a few states over. He eventually moved here to be with her after a couple of months. So I really think she ****ed up and left you for another person, realized how ****ty it was and wants you as a back up plan, dont do it. It will happen again
Author leoc1973 Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 I kinda wonder that maybe it was for another guy but it would have been really hard for her to meet someone so quick. But I am not blind I do know that most of the time when a woman dumps there is another guy. As far as the fallback guy. I think you are right because if she wanted to make it work then she would have. I mean I was willing cause I love her so much but if she wasn't even willing to give it a try then yeah you are right I will always be some form of plan B or mr right now. I think when 2 people love each other they always make it work. there are no other options.
worthtrying Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 While it's true that love is fighting for, sometimes you have to lose 'it' to realize what you had. Just think about the progression of a relationship - you meet, get to know one another. After you date for awhile (or not) you decide that you want to be in a relationship. The honeymoon period can last for a few weeks, months or even years. Even minor arguments aren't a big deal at this point. Then, when the fighting gets bad, you start to daydream about being single, being with someone else, etc. All relationships have the good and the bad. Unfortunately, its not until you break it off completely that you realize one of two things. You're better off without each other, or that a terrible mistake has been made. I'm not sure if she's done this in the past, but she could be emotionally unstable, or she could be generally remorseful. You're going to have to go with your instincts.
Exit Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I dunno, I'm sure you'd like to see her, but funny that she's asking to hang out while she's available on the weekend, which is all you would have wanted to do to maintain the relationship until you could relocate closer to her. Maybe she deserves a taste of her own medicine "sorry but gas prices are pretty high right now". But maybe it would be worth the trip to get to talk to her about things, who knows. Tough choice.
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